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#1
Dec 26, 2009, 08:49 PM
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So, I was dating my boyfriend for about 1year 2 months until today. I broke up with him today. He is 27 and I am 26. We did the holiday thing and what not things seemed to be OK. But the past few weeks we have been kind of agitated with eachother it seems off and on. One day things are great the other day its not. Since today is the day after christmas I didn't hear from him all day and usually he lights my phone up with tons of text messages everyday. So, made me suspicious. He has in the past cheated on me with his ex g/f from cali (He flew out to see her while telling me he was going on a mtn biking trip.), was on craigslist responding to casual encounter ads and transexuals, also I found him on a dating website. I had confronted him about everything he apologized for each thing, things are good for a little while and then throughout our relationship i am always finding out things-it's like i'm looking for it and sure enough i find things and he disappoints me. Basically today i got fed up with him and ended things. I miss him and I don't know why especially bc he has treated me so bad throughout the relationship. He is usually always texting me and really today for the first time in over a year I haven't heard from him and it's weird! I don't want to make the mistake of saying I miss him...You all think I did the right thing??Just recently like 2 weeks ago he told me for the first time(after a year of dating) that he has recently fallen in love with me? i just can't trust him or believe him? help? advice please??
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 ADHD1956, anderson, marjan
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#2
Dec 27, 2009, 01:36 AM
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I don't have any advice, just wanted you to know that I think you did the right thing if you can't be happy and secure in your relationship.
It's weird when they don't keep the communication open but it was your decision in the end and I hope you feel more in control now that you have made it than you did in the past 
__________________
 How I describe myself: Honest, caring, trustworthy, reliable and generous.
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| anderson
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#3
Dec 27, 2009, 03:31 AM
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You apparently had more invested in the relationship than he did. When you cannot rely on what he tells you, perhaps it is time to move on.
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| anderson
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#4
Dec 27, 2009, 07:19 AM
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It is possible to love someone who is not good for you. Your decision to break up with him was in your best interest...but you are still going to have to accept that since you 2 are no longer a couple there will be adjustments you will have to make. Although you made a good choice, I do not think you were emotionally prepared to break up with him...it seemed impulsive. But that is a lesson learned... gather what you need before you take action. Rally your support group and let them know what you did and ask them for their emotional support. Slow down a bit and allow yourself to go through the grieving process. I hope this helps you and good luck.
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| anderson
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#5
Dec 27, 2009, 05:20 PM
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Thanks eveeryone for the replies!
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#6
Dec 27, 2009, 05:34 PM
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This guy sounds like trouble. Listen to that little voice in your gut. I believe it's the one saying "you can't trust this guy." He sounds like nothing but trouble. Of course you will miss him and feel bad. It takes time to get over the loss of even a bad relationship. Don't beat yourself up about it.
__________________
 I'd rather have a visit, note or pretty picture than an "I'll say a prayer" or a "god bless you." Doesn't make me feel better, no meaning to me for sure. Can't stop you from praying and blessing me, and if that makes you feel better feel free.  But keep it to yourself please, don't tell me. And let's all respect each other's feelings. With kindness, support and "sweet dreamings." 
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| anderson
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#7
Dec 27, 2009, 05:37 PM
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Quote:
__________________
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| anderson
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#8
Dec 27, 2009, 08:18 PM
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You def did the right thing! For a while - you will miss him and feel low but it will pass. Remind yourself what a low idiot he is and all his lies every time you miss him. It helps! And surround yourself with loving family and loving friends you can rely on! This is a time when you need them most and draw strength from them! Hope this forum helps too honey! keep strong xx
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#9
Dec 30, 2009, 11:20 AM
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Soooooo...i totally messed up and texted him asking why he changed all of a sudden. The fact that he didn't tell me why- the day i broke up with him(dec. 26th) really got to me i guess
 ...Like our breakup convo(which i did in person) lasted for 5-10min. Anyway we ended up texting last night and I completely blew up on him...later apologizing through voicemail for being rude. He hung up on me once and than turned off his phone. Of course its going to get to me, and it feels like he just doesn't care?! and he doesn't admitt he's done anything wrong in the relationship. Anyways I had to vent. I guess my piece was said and I have NO plans on contacting him again.
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#10
Dec 30, 2009, 03:20 PM
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Thats good. Its normal to have these feelings and the need to have some closure or even maybe thoughts of getting back together. But - I think you should allow yourself time to be without him. Disconnect. If he wants you so badly he will come after you but you have to lead your own life. Be strong and enjoy your life. You do not need reassurance from him. Its only your ego which needs it. Hope you are feeling better xx
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#11
Dec 30, 2009, 03:26 PM
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I don't think I would trust someone who I found on a dating website either. It seems like maybe he's telling you what you want to hear. At least you have the power to end it and I know its hard, but I agree maybe give it a little time and see if you don't feel better and better. (hugs)
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#12
Dec 30, 2009, 07:48 PM
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Try to stick to your plans of no contact with him. I know it will be difficult at times. But you'll feel good about it in the long term - trust me! Try to take good care of yourself and do as much as you can to make yourself feel good and distract yourself. Keep posting, we are here.
__________________
I'd rather have a visit, note or pretty picture than an "I'll say a prayer" or a "god bless you." Doesn't make me feel better, no meaning to me for sure. Can't stop you from praying and blessing me, and if that makes you feel better feel free. But keep it to yourself please, don't tell me. And let's all respect each other's feelings. With kindness, support and "sweet dreamings."
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#13
Dec 31, 2009, 12:59 PM
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Sammi,
There are habits and there are emotions. Then you have a relationship with someone, part of it is habit and part of it is emotion. When you break up, you make an intellectual decision to break a habit. It's not easy but the emotional part is so much harder. That comes with time. You must be patient and let the emotional part die down. It's really hard, I know. You made an excellent decision. It was a decision that is for your own best interest. There's an old joke about a person who had a habit of banging his head against a concrete wall. Someone asked him why he did it. He said, "Cuz it feels so good when I stop." Sometimes that joke makes sense to me. 
__________________
 Vickie
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#14
Jan 01, 2010, 03:55 PM
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you all are making me fell better about things after reading replies! it means so much to me. The new year was hard b/c all i wanted was a text from him saying happy new year or somethingggggg...but i got through it and didn't text him and haven't talked to him for a few days now. I'm going to keep it up. I know with time things will get easier. But I do want to say THANK YOU to all of you who replied to my post. It means so much to me
Happy New Year, and happy new beginnings to all!
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| VickiesPath
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#15
Jan 09, 2010, 07:54 PM
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So, today I saw my ex for the first time in two weeks. I had his laptop computer case so we met up for lunch so I could give it to him. I was doing really well not contacting him he had been texting me the past week randomly every now and than. Than a few days ago he told me he missed me. Than last night(before lunch) he said he loved me. We met up for lunch, it wwent well. Of course i thought I was OK to have lunch but now after everything i'm really upset about things again. He kissed me good bye. After i got in my car and was on my way, he texted me telling me how I looked really sexy today. Than he texted me all day until a few hours ago he stopped. I hate this! I feel like i'm hoping to get a text from him. It gives me anxiety that I don't hear from him. I feel like I have to start all over with getting happier after seeing him. I know I can't be with him and I know he's not the one for me but seeing him made me miss him and forget about all the crappy things he's done behind my back while we were together. I just needed to write and vent here again since you all give me great support and advice..any comments about my newest post today? please advice or some words of widsom would be nice
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#16
Jan 10, 2010, 10:37 AM
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It usually takes at least a few times before we can really let go of someone we care about but who is no good for us. It's a learning process. Consider this a successful lesson learned - afterwards it hurt and you felt bad, it helps reinforce your decision to not be in contact with him. Hope you start feeling better again soon.
__________________
I'd rather have a visit, note or pretty picture than an "I'll say a prayer" or a "god bless you." Doesn't make me feel better, no meaning to me for sure. Can't stop you from praying and blessing me, and if that makes you feel better feel free. But keep it to yourself please, don't tell me. And let's all respect each other's feelings. With kindness, support and "sweet dreamings."
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| marjan
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#17
Jan 12, 2010, 03:52 PM
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Quote:
I totally agree with ((Pomegranate)).....time will heal all the wounds....just take one day at a time....today you feel sad and miss him...but tomorrow you feel a little bit better and stronger....and he will contact you again for sure, but you got to be strong to stay with your decision..... I think you did a good think....the cheater will stay a cheater....and it looks like he's a player as well....oh gosh....run girl...run....you are free now
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#18
Jan 12, 2010, 09:06 PM
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You definitely did the right thing. He obviously doesn't have the right feelings for you if he can cheat on you. There could be a small chance that since then he has seen something in you that he didn't before but the chance are highly unlikely and if you're anything like me I could never stay with someone forever that I knew had been with someone else while we were together.
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