[alwaysme]

I have no one to talk to so I'm just looking for venue to release my feeling... I have been married for 5 yrs and have 2 beautiful children... But my relationship is very stagnant... It gets to a point when I feel very disappointed and talking bout it does not even solve the problem.

I begin with me feeling neglected and not appreciated. On our anniversary, we do not get a chance to spend time cos he is busy with worl. But last year, it gets a disappointing mode for me when he did not even reply to my text on our anniversary. The only thing he could say was 'Sorry I din get you anything'. When I waited the whole day for his reply and received none, I tell you, my heart really sank so low that I almost tear at work. On Valentine's day, he did not even bother to say anything to me... It is kinda sad...

He no longer hugs or kisses me nor says he love me... When will these happen? Only after we made love... It's super frustrating that after many talks about this, it is still happening... And lets not even talk about making love... if the mood is good enough, we can have twice a month... if it's bad, once or none... No matter how much I tried to initiate, it's always the TV, iphone or sleep that he looks for...

I've never asked him for any money or anything knowing that he's responsible for a lot of bills... But I feel at most, he can do is show me a little appreciation... It's kinda of sad.. I am physically here but not mentally... I am staying becos I have to not becos I wan to... My family is a traditional family who believes marriage is for life... When I got married, my mum told me that no matter what, I must remain quiet when things get bad... But I cant cos I'm an educated woman and I like to voice out my opinion... but if after all that I've done, it is still like this... what are the options I have?

[Blondboy44]

Hello Always. Sorry to hear you are having a rough time. Your feelings of being unappreciated are understandable given the fact that even anniversaries and V-day are ignored. While my marriage is less than hunky-dory, I will say that I cannot remember missing an anniversary, a birthday, a V-day or a mother's day in the 46 years we have been married. So, I feel you have a right to be distressed. What is going on in your husband's life? Is he working too hard; stressed out over job challenges? Economic problems? You mentioned the quantity of sex; how is the quality? What about your appearance and "self-maintenance" of yourself? It is not a good idea IMHO to remain totally quiet "when things get bad." I think you have to have honest communication about all this. Care must be taken not to be too aggressive or acusatory or he may shut down. It is not clear here what you mean by " all that i've done." Maybe professional counselling is in order.

[shezbut]

Welcome to Psych Central alwaysme,

Your marriage certainly doesn't sound fulfilling. What brought you two together? Did you share interests and activities?

Having children does complicate marriage, that's for sure. But, there are still things that can be done to express affection. Go to him and ask if you may hug him. Offer a back/shoulder rub. Give him a few soft and slow kisses. Tell him how much you miss him. See how he responds.

Couple's therapy could be very helpful for you both. Hopefully, a mix of the above will help you through this tough time. **hope**