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#1
Jan 04, 2010, 05:03 PM
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well my bf and I been together for a yr already. And still he doesn't trust..
he wants me to be a good girlfriend. What kinds of things I can do to show him that I'm a good girlfriend. also how can I prove him how much I love him.? please somebody help [= |
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#2
Jan 05, 2010, 06:59 PM
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If you've never given him a reason to mistrust you, then these trust issues might be coming from him. It could be from what he saw between his parents or a past relationship he had. If it's rooted in him, he needs to work on this himself. Best of luck.
__________________
 This is our little cutie Bella  *Practice on-line safety. *Cheaters - collecting jar of hearts. *Make your mess, your message. *"Be the change you want to see" (Gandhi) |
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#3
Jan 05, 2010, 07:20 PM
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You know, when I was young(er) it was very clear to me what a 'good girlfriend' is - for me, then, a good girlfriend was a girl who supprts her bf, cares for him, loves him, shares in his dreams, point of views and desires, has fun with him and is faithful, there for him when he needs her and also has her own interests and friends, wishes and drives.
As I grew up (older) - this has not really changed for me. My view is still the same. BUT - I learnt that for different people a 'good girlfriend' means different things. Some will tell you that a good girlfriend cooks for her man everyday, some will say she accepts him as he is, even at the expense of herself... I do not agree with that but I know that so many people see this in so many ways and are happy. Its all about matching with someone who sees it as you do. I guess the bottom line is - what is a good girlfriend in your eyes? Maybe after you figure this out you should ask him on how he sees a good girlfriend generally and then see if the two ways of thinking (looking at things) matches? Take care xx p.s. I also learnt that for some people 'good' is never 'good enough' - and if you feel that whatever you do, how ever much you give, or what ever you try is not good enough for him - you need to remember - that you are good enough as you are!! and he has a problem |
 lynn P.
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#4
Jan 05, 2010, 08:14 PM
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Wow, can you imagine him being just as concerned about your needs as he is his? What are you getting from this relationship?
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| Pomegranate
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#5
Jan 06, 2010, 05:05 AM
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thanks (: hopefully I can work things out with him.=) |
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#6
Jan 06, 2010, 05:06 AM
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Quote:
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#7
Jan 06, 2010, 01:46 PM
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Isadora, are you sure you want to be in a relationship with someone so demanding and controlling? I worry that you may be in for a lot of hurt.
Good luck. |
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#8
Jan 06, 2010, 01:53 PM
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I hope it works out for you. I wish i had some good advice for you. im not doing too good with my own relationships so i m not sure i can advise but wishing you the best.
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#9
Jan 06, 2010, 03:06 PM
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I think The Byzantine's question is an important one.
I understand you love him but you need to love yourself. Did you try talking to a therapist? |
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#10
Jan 07, 2010, 04:09 AM
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but only time will tell me if he's the right one. and thanks :-) |
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#11
Jan 07, 2010, 04:11 AM
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take care |
| TheByzantine
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#12
Jan 07, 2010, 04:13 AM
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I havent talk to a therapist yet |
| TheByzantine
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#13
Jan 07, 2010, 09:09 AM
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Hope your therapist helps you find peace.
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#14
Jan 07, 2010, 10:46 AM
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I have been married for jsut two years now. Wow. And I dated my husband for 4 years before that. After 6 years of beign with this man, I have never had to wonder and plead with myself as desperately as you are, asking myself how can I PROVE that I am a good wife. If you messed up in the past by being unfaithful, then yeah, he will have some trust issues. The only thing you can control are your actions. So, with that said, ACT and BE a trusting and loveing girlfriend. Just be blatantly honest with him about everything. you will both grow in the honesty of your love...unless he is a controlling jerk who wants to know where you are, when you are, and who you are with--then run for the hills!
__________________
Live Long, and Prosper 
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| lynn P.
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#15
Jan 07, 2010, 12:34 PM
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Quote:
It's very normal for couples to look at other people and looking isn't really flirting. He should believe you. Reassure him that just because you looked doesn't mean anything and you still think he's the one. Like the other poster above this said "I hope he's not the controlling type". Best of luck and tell him it's normal to glance at other people - we're not race horses with blinders on LOL. Good luck. 
__________________
This is our little cutie Bella *Practice on-line safety. *Cheaters - collecting jar of hearts. *Make your mess, your message. *"Be the change you want to see" (Gandhi) |
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#16
Jan 08, 2010, 05:54 PM
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thanks everyone for ur comments
we are trying to work out things he give me a last chance to prove him that im not a hoe.. :-) ima try to be a good girlfriend and give him reason that im not a hoe... |
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#17
Jan 08, 2010, 06:06 PM
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I'm not a fan of the word 'hoe' and looking at another man doesn't mean you're that name. He shouldn't be calling you that. I also don't care for idea of 'last chance' - it sounds threatening. I really hope it works out for you. If you're committed to him I don't think you need to prove you're a nice GF. He sounds controlling and I feel concerned for you.
__________________
This is our little cutie Bella *Practice on-line safety. *Cheaters - collecting jar of hearts. *Make your mess, your message. *"Be the change you want to see" (Gandhi) |
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#18
Jan 08, 2010, 07:01 PM
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Isadora, do you think he is putting as much effort into trying to be a good boyfriend as you are trying to be a good girlfriend? It sounds very unequal to me. It sounds as though he wants to dominate you. I know you love him but you need to think about how healthy this relationship is.
Consider if he is abusive: Emotional abuse (also called psychological abuse or mental abuse) can include humiliating the victim privately or publicly, controlling what the victim can and cannot do, withholding information from the victim, deliberately doing something to make the victim feel diminished or embarrassed, isolating the victim from friends and family, implicitly blackmailing the victim by harming others when the victim expresses independence or happiness, or denying the victim access to money or other basic resources and necessities. People who are being emotionally abused often feel as if they do not own themselves; rather, they may feel that their significant other has nearly total control over them. Verbal abuse is a form of abusive behavior involving the use of language. It is a form of profanity that can occur with or without the use of expletives. Whilst oral communication is the most common form of verbal abuse, it includes abusive words in written form. forms of domestic violence Please do what is best for YOU. 
__________________
The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well. anonymous |
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#19
Jan 08, 2010, 10:44 PM
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Be yourself.. be affectionate. If he makes you feel like your not doing good enough.. then he might not be worth the worry. Hopefully this isn't the case.
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#20
Jan 10, 2010, 04:28 PM
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well he is a good bf..
we are back togther im being a good gf. i try not to stare at guys... i think we are goin too work out everything. we both love each other very much.. thanks everybody =) |
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#21
Jan 10, 2010, 04:38 PM
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My gut is screaming at me right now. Please stay safe.
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| TheByzantine
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#22
Jan 10, 2010, 08:52 PM
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Quote:
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#23
Jan 12, 2010, 06:00 AM
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You simply have to be yourself. you cannot make anyone love you. THey do, or they don't. Be true to yourself. He sounds as if he has issues (having nothing to do with you), and he is very insecure.
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#24
Jan 12, 2010, 09:09 PM
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My thoughts on trust have always been to trust until given a reason not to trust. If you've never given him a reason not to trust you then it's not your fault. He has something from his past that is making him not trust you and he has to work on it, not you. You can help him by trying to make him see that is the issue and working with him.
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#25
Jan 13, 2010, 12:23 AM
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Just focus on you. You already have us as part of your network.
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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