[anew1]

My wife tells me she is no longer attracted to me sexually. Can a relationship survive if there is not trust in romance? I love her but dont feel like I can save this but am looking for oppinions. There are many details so I will answer anything you ask honstley. Does anyone have any advise?

[Rhapsody]

Yes, I believe a relationship can survive with out sexual romance... if not then what hope do we have as we age or if a beloved spouse becomes disable.

[shezbut]

That is a tough question to answer.

I think that it's very normal for the feeling of love to wax and wane as time passes, and the relationship becomes challenged by life. Mental and physical health often affects sexual interest and libido. While your wife's comment/s understandably hurt your feelings and scared you, you could choose to look at the situation from the positive side. It is nice that she was honest with you, and told you the truth, rather than putting up a facade. (I've done the latter, and that hurts even more!)

You can use this opportunity to go to therapy together. Perhaps you need to get to know each other again. Lose a few pounds and do fun things together more often. Find a new thing to discover together, to spark up the interest again.

Whether or not you can let go of that pain, I don't know. Whether or not you & your wife will be willing to commit yourselves back into the relationship, I don't know. Those matters are in both yours and her hands.

My personal opinion: It is worth trying hard to save the marriage. Letting go is very painful ~ especially if you have children.

Very best wishes and hugs to you!

Hello, anew1. You say you love her. Do you love sex more than you love her? Sex and romance are not necessarily synonymous: http://www.livescience.com/health/050531_love_sex.html

Does your wife want to save the marriage? Is joint counseling an option?

[maya622]

I am on the other end of that spectrum. I am no longer sexually aroused by my husband. He has betrayed my trust with an act that happened many years ago... not with a person. I am unhappy to distraction, and I feel your pain. I think we can be like roommates, but the definition of the romance must be revisited. It does not exist. I don't even know if I love him or not. Is that so sad? What are you thinking about your relationship now. How old is the relationship? Do you have kids?

[Belle1979]

Originally Posted by anew1

My wife tells me she is no longer attracted to me sexually. Can a relationship survive if there is not trust in romance? I love her but dont feel like I can save this but am looking for oppinions. There are many details so I will answer anything you ask honstley. Does anyone have any advise?

I think that sex and romance are different sides of a coin.. They are together but separate.
I think it's possibly easier to get the 'spark' back into a marriage than say if the love is trully gone so i think it can be saved.
To me lust is what gets you into bed in the first place not love.. try to bring the excitement back.
Have you or her changed physically over the years?
Counselling would benefit the both of you imo.

[NuckingFutz]

Tough topic to answer. Yes, sexual romance changes over time. But that is different than what you describe in your marriage. In order for your wife to have gotten to the point she is at, an event or an awareness most likely occured that she could not either discuss with you or resolve by herself. Marriage is hard work. Both people have to work at it as the marriage will fail if both people do not do this. Somewhere along the way she probably stopped having faith in communicating. There is a lot more to it than having a relationship with out sex. There can be sex without a relationship, but you can't have intimacy without communication.

[lynn P.]

Yes it can survive but I think you both shouldn't give up being sexual unless you exhausted all reasons and attempt to get help. Why doesn't she want to have sex? As Rhapsody said, "what if a spouse becomes disabled and incapable of having sex" - do we divorce or stick with that person? There needs to be a deep seated love present in order to stay in a sexless marriage.

[jennaorgana]

i completely agree with rhapsody.

there are many relationships that have been HUGELY sucessfull without sex

oh and there can be ROMANCE without sex as well.

[Jalita98]

I think it's normal to question whether a relationship can hold up without having sexual desires. I, myself, believe that I won't ever find a life partner because I am not interested in sex. So it's fairly common to think that relationships won't last without engaging in sexual romance. I'm sorry, but I don't really have any advice on this. I do know that some people believe a relationship can exist even if they dont have sexual romance.

I think it would be beneficial to go to a marriage counselor with your partner and talk about this issue together with a professional. Maybe the professional can get to the root of why your partner doesn't want to engage in sex.

[bonaire]

Originally Posted by anew1

My wife tells me she is no longer attracted to me sexually. Can a relationship survive if there is not trust in romance? I love her but dont feel like I can save this but am looking for oppinions. There are many details so I will answer anything you ask honstley. Does anyone have any advise?

I assume this doesn't mean she is not anti-sexuality - but not attracted. In our case here, my wife's hysterectomy in 2005 (also took ovaries) changed her body's chemistry enough to turn into someone who just is not interested in anything. I am not one to push for it so I do my best to give her occasional hugs and so on. However, she spends most of the day alone (watching tv or on the computer in another room) and will tend not to join me and the kids watching tv or hanging out in another room other than at dinner time. I suspect that she just has lost interest in close personal relationships and would rather go for the generic and limited relationships that are online and in tv shows. We have been through counseling and I still have a T myself for weekly work.

I'd say ask yourself if you can handle the loss of sex. If so, can your marriage be enough without it? In my case, I think it will but it is not a fullfilling marriage in other areas too. If you play games, hang out together, go out to dinner together and do other marrige things, then lack of sex may be just fine. In my case - I'd love to have all those other things as well.

What can you do to present a better you? Attraction sexually is not physical - it is 99% mental. it is about mental enthusiasm, life-wonder, excitement over a family plan (let's paint a room or look for a great painting together for the living room). Sex "follows" rather than "leads". Sex is a representation of the rest of the marriage (I think).

By all means consider marriage counseling to bring out the details of any issue and present your side of the situatoin with a moderator.