[radio_flyer]

We were talking today. We were discussing a situation with the "female" tenant here for over an hour... Then we just started talking about things in general..... and then AJ said he feels so empty inside and all he sees is the negative things in his life.....He said he isn't doing what he is supposed to be doing with his life... He said he needs to go to work..And he said he is holding himself back . because of the negative thinking.....I mentioned that maybe he is depressed...

This is when he started to cry... My heart ached for him.....I told him I think what he is describing, the empty feeling, the negative thoughts and the over sleeping could be depression.... That we should check into counseling for him to see what is actually going on......And he agreed.........

I am thinking depression is the problem here...So we decided that tomorrow the first step was to give the female tenant 30 days notice, the reason is because she is involved in things that he does not want in the house...or be around............ and the second step is to find a counselor....

Sooooooooooo a counselor search.... I mentioned I'd look for some names but he will decide who he will see.......I need to do some reading now on how to find a good therapist.......Oh I don't want to go through what we did when he was in grade school..as in the "not qualified counselor"... I must be strong now......And not let my negative thoughts from the past therapy grab hold.....We will find a good, qualified counselor that will be helpful for AJ..........inside how pathetic this is, i am scared.....I will not let AJ know or see my fear...... It will all be good............I won't screw things up now....... AJ is far more important than anything............This is for him...... Thumbs up for AJ for wanting to take that leap into therapy..........

[bonaire]

A therapist is a good start. Don't dive right into the drugs (like SSRI such as Prozac) just yet. It may be based on other life choices such as food selection, lack of exercise and other things that truly do change a person's body chemistry. Depression can be hard on a person but a good part of it is body/brain chemistry - so no reason not to make that part of the analysis and solution.

Thats fantastic ! Getting him to talk must of been real hard for you well done !

[dyzan]

r_f,
The job market has alot to be desired at the moment.
Not knowing your sons ambitions as more schooling might go, and did I say the job market. LOL.

That "AJ" took the time to express his concerns, and You only wish the best for him, perhaps some counseling that would include carreer choices and some programs to increase his employment oppurtunities may well go hand in hand?

just a take on the old saying " two birds with one stone ".
dyzan.
~waves~

[Sabrina]

How wonderful that you were able to talk with your son like this. I find it hugely comforting that he was able to cry with you and somehow manage to convey that he is obviously struggling. You are truly a wonderful Mom and you son is so lucky to have you as his support system. You will no doubt, be there for him throughout whatever happens next and that is wonderful. I admire you.

[radio_flyer]

Bonaire......... I agree with you.... Drugs should not be the t's first option........I personally think his "life style" which lacks exercise and maybe not the healthiest diet.. Actually we talked a little about his life style.. He does drink... Once a week I guess, maybe two times a week... I think he drinks way too much...And he does not exercise. He is 29 .. he needs to take better care of himself....

Far cry from the days when he faithfully went the gym and ate healthy...Part of my concern is that we do not find a T that pushes drugs.. Trust is another issue..

Thanks for you suggestions...

[radio_flyer]

Tishie... He came to me to talk. I guess the timing was right because he was open and ready to talk......I have suggested counseling before and he rejected it.. Now he is willing, which is a giant step for him..........and yes it was very hard..... We have been through so much.....I pray this is the right step and whatever problems/issues that AJ is facing will be uncovered and resolved........

[radio_flyer]

Dyzan..........He is two classes short of his CS degree.. Two classes he has taken 4 times and can't pass them.. SO he took a break from school. He has another class to finish from Strayer and then he'd have two degrees...His dad had been pushing him to finish his classes. Guess he feels all the years AJ has been in school he should at least get a degree.........Don't think AJ is really ready because when his mind is set on something, he finishes, and doesn't give up.......

Yes, you did say the job market .... Just the very words "job market" can be very depressing...........

[radio_flyer]

Sabrina....... The tears just started streaming down his cheeks.. He had sooo much built up inside that it came out with the tears.......He is hurting....I have always been there for him......Can't say I have always been in "agreement" with things he has said or done.........But after the fire, the smoke settles, and we move on....

I can't say I am a wonderful mother...I am just a mother that loves her children.. I try is all I can say.........I do the best I can.... I can say I have always been there for him... Guess the timing was right that he spilled out all his feelings and worries and concerns........God, I love that boy.........

[Sabrina]

You warm my heart!

[50guy]

Hi;
It sounds to me like he really knows what he wants to do, it's just a matter of how to get it done. The emptiness he is feeling may be a part of his not being able to finish his schooling. If the female tenant is causing him trouble then it is best to get her out of the picture.

In order to get himself back into a positive outlook he should start back on his exersize program. I know for myself that being able to hike and camp out are great stress relievers for me and a way for me to get closer to nature and spiritual things.
Eating right and cutting out alcohol, or at least reducing the intake of it will help tremendously. Alcohol can be a depressant and is not really good for the body. I do indulge so I'm not advocating teetotaling, just cutting back for a while.

It is good to cry, it is the way the body cleanses itself of stress and can help center our thoughts and clear our troubles.

Good luck yo your son, he is young and although the job market is bleak he can make it, give him a copy of Think and grow Rich by Napolian Hill. A great read and encouragement especially in these hard job market times.

Eric

[salukigirl]

radio - I'm so glad you got your son to open up. I know he wasn't being very considerate to your feelings and I think he may have explained it all without even knowing it. Just goes to show that he really does love you and doesn't want to take advantage of you. All of that you were going through before was probably just a cry for help that even HE didn't realize he was doing.

I really hope things go well.

[desperate&disturbed]

your son is lucky to have a parent like you who he can talk to. i wish my parents were more like you.

[radio_flyer]

desperate&disturbed

[radio_flyer]

Thanks 50guy... you made some really good points... I think he knows what he wants and like you said, "it's just a matter of how to get it done." So much going on here. Yet at times feels like nothing happening...Think we are on the right track with the possibility of therapy...Thanks again for your good advice...

Now that I know the "issues" with the female tenant, it now raises issues of trust and I feel very uncomfortable around her now... I can't go into what that "issue" is now.. I just know it is pretty serious.. Actually it is about both her and her boyfriend... AJ asked me what he should do.. I told him what I think he should do, he just hasn't done it yet....... He needs to make a complete break from these folks.. Guess we will see what happens.......

salukgirl......Guess that is why I haven't "thrown in the towel" because i know there has to be an internal reason for all that anger....He really has a lot of wonderful qualities and as we all do, a few not so wonderful qualities.. If I can get him on the right track I honestly believe he will be much happier young man.....