[Inspired Vegetable]

can i even call it romance yet? probably not. but ive got this thing for her. we went to rehab together and i really think shes cute. we've been talking and hung out recently. it went good, i bought her a moothie. i cant tell if she likes me yet, she definately seems to be somewhat interested. but maybe its just as a friend. she just broke up with her controlling boyfriend and shes only 60 days clean off heorin. but she continues to drink. i dont know what it is but ive just got this uncomfortable feeling in my stomach, kinf of nervous to her possible rejection. but shes not even right for me i just cant help liking her.

its been a while since ive had some semblance of romance in my life. it brings back old feelings of heartaache. my last love left me in highschool for an older guy with a car and my boistrus confidence was shattered. after that i was really guarded. i used drugs as a replacement girlfriend and my other relationshios since then have been few and far between, fickle at best.

im still at a stage of finding myself. but i miss having a girl in my life. probably best to maintain a healthy distance from this new girl; if i can help it. dont wanna be her rebound or get caught up in her lifes drama. cant stop thinking about her tho. dunno why im so attatched with so little to base those feelings on. maybe im projecting my own longing onto whoever fills that space at the moment. like i said, its been a while since i had romance in my life.

anyone had any experience with prolonged isolation and then "getting back in the game", so to speak? what about easily developing strong emotional attatchments to people fairly quickly?

one of my issues is that im a people pleaser. i thinl i put a little too much weight into how other people are feeling in correlation to my own mood or security. not the most stable arrangement, to say the least.

[Belle1979]

Originally Posted by Inspired Vegetable

im still at a stage of finding myself. but i miss having a girl in my life. probably best to maintain a healthy distance from this new girl; if i can help it. dont wanna be her rebound or get caught up in her lifes drama. cant stop thinking about her tho. dunno why im so attatched with so little to base those feelings on. maybe im projecting my own longing onto whoever fills that space at the moment. like i said, its been a while since i had romance in my life.

anyone had any experience with prolonged isolation and then "getting back in the game", so to speak? what about easily developing strong emotional attatchments to people fairly quickly?

one of my issues is that im a people pleaser. i thinl i put a little too much weight into how other people are feeling in correlation to my own mood or security. not the most stable arrangement, to say the least.

Just take everything very slowly... you are very possibly projecting your longing to be close to someone.

I'm recently single after 5 years and find it hard to not get attached quickly when I go out with a guy... but by keeping my emotional distance I'm finding it easier but yes I still get lonely because of it. I don't want a rebound relationship or to be sucked into someone elses life right now - I have enough to deal with finding myself.

Focus on you and learning to please yourself (yep if you are like me it feels very selfish!) but it's a step in the right direction

When one is starved for attention, any gesture of friendship can be misinterpreted. Recognize you are vulnerable and needy. Jumping to conclusions often leads to a reality that dispenses another hard lesson.

[lettersfromjuliet]

I've always kind of been a mess in relationships, 2 two year long relationships back to back. It's been about a year since I was in the last one. I had since then been diagnosed with bipolar.. My bipolar (unknown to me at the time) was the main cause of the failure of both relationships. I have always been a relationship person, and like you a people pleaser. Its been a long journey of self discovery this past 6 months and I know its no where near over. I have met a really nice guy who understands my situation and couldn't be more supportive. He would adore me, and yet I am still hesitant to get into a relationship or even consider dating him. I almost feel like I haven't learned enough about myself still to have a healthy relationship. I don't want to get in a new relationship and completely get in over my head again. I dont want to make the same mistake. You can't be in a healthy relationship if you aren't healthy yourself (doesn't mean perfect, stable may be a better word). Since my last boyfriend, I've had a string of sexual "relationships" that never got off the ground. I would become very attatched to them (would want to be very serious about them but my heart wasn't in it. I KNEW THEY WERENT RIGHT FOR ME). I would convince myself that I didn't want anything and that I was happy just being friends with benefits. I guess it was my way of coping with the loss of my last relationship. I was head over heels in love but due to my bipolar and a brain tumor, I put him through hell unintentionally. My love was pure but not healthy. I became very guarded, even though my heart was longing for something serious. I put space in between the guys and myself simply because I didn't want to get hurt, and I didn't want to mess ANOTHER relationship up.

You have to guard your heart, especially if you tend to put others before yourself but at the same time be open to new people and new experiences. Its all about the balance.
Always listen to a gut feeling, and if you find yourself nervous about where she stands. I'd try to be a friend since she is just out of a relationship. Approach with caution. DONT SETTLE for being a rebound.
Also, you said "shes not even right for me i just cant help liking her", find out if you really like her, or you just want what you can't have or like the idea of a relationship with her. It may just be appealing. If it could be potentially unhealthy it wont be worth it in the long run. Something better and more stable will come along.
Another note, you can't let old relationships affect new ones. You have to use old relationships as a learning tool. No person is the same, so no relationship will be the same. You can't change the past, only learn from it and move on to better things.

I typed this up in between classes, so if something doesn't make sense I'll clarify.

[1flagwriter]

Be very careful!