Biggest Rut of my life.

Hi everyone, I have not been on here in a long time because its diffucult to get on at work. I am making the effort today because I feel as though I have hit rock bottom, or close to is in my life. Not with teh way things are going, I have job a boyfriend, family, etc. On the outside i guess maybe I seem to have it all. But inside im dying. Im in a horrible rut. A constant state of worry. Worry about money, worry about being cheated on (he never did anything its just that im paranoid) All of my worry is causing HUGE problems in my relationship of two years. We had another huge blowout last night and it came out that he thinks i dont try hard enough. Meaning........i dont work out, i dont buy new clothes in which i mention that i dotn have money in which he siad well work more. I am currently trying to get a part time job as well so yes im trying. But basicaly i think he is saying hes not attracted to me. Do i blame him? No. i come home put sweatpants on , live in sweatpants unless im at work, dont do my hair nails, etc. I just dont care. Until now. Now i feel ugly and gross. and depressed evenmore about my relationship and i just dont know where to turn. My job is stressful and its been a tough few weeks with nothing working out. im just beat down and cant pick myself up anymore.

I just need to vent. thank you.

Please do not allow another person to dictate how you feel about yourself. Clothes do not make the woman. If his issues are about the name on your butt, he sounds very shallow.

OMG! don't take that crap from anyone...I agree with AAAA's statement. If he can't see deeper than clothing, then it's time to reconsider.

Please feel free to vent all you want, we are here to listen. Your post is very interesting. Does your job offer healthcare? Do you have a T? Is there anyway you could start a regiment for depression?

I really hope you can feel better very soon!

katie,

I'm sorry that you are in this rut. I'm right there in the next rut over...
It's hard to take care of looking good outside when you don't feel good inside, but your boyfriend may really not have a clue about what depression can do to a person. For the first 5 years of my marriage, my husband was always telling me that I needed to try harder to be happy, that if I quit wallowing in my depression, I'd feel better. It took a long time to convince him that I wasn't doing it on purpose and I really couldn't just "decide" to be happy.

So, my point is that it could go either way - maybe you are reading the situation clearly, he's lost interest - so if that's the case, then why would you want someone that shallow and non-supportive?

However, it could be that because you are depressed, you are not hearing the message beneath his words. Maybe he wants you to try harder because that's the only answer he can think of and he wants you to be happy again...in which case, it's not that he has lost interest, but he has no way to "fix" you and it frustrates him. That was definitely the case with my husband. Like I said, it took 5 years to convince him that I couldn't be "fixed" easily and that my depression was a disease, not a choice.

Do you really think this has anything at all to do with clothing? Really? I bet you would agree it doesn't. What have you done to try to fix the depression?