[MichelleNY]

Crosby,Stills and Nash...sang the tune..."If you can't be with the one you love..... then love the one your with."

How many of you PC'ers went along with that and how did it turn out for you...Im looking forward to some insight on this subject.

[NuckingFutz]

Um, are you reffering to getting a little ooh la la?

[jerrymichele]

Originally Posted by NuckingFutz

Um, are you reffering to getting a little ooh la la?

You are funny.

I'm not really sure what you are wanting to know. Could you explain it more?

[AAAAA]

My own opinion is that too many people are constantly searching for that new, madly in love, honeymoon stage. Staying in a loving relationship requires a lot of active work. This includes in my case an occassional "why am I here" and "what attracted me in the first place" type of reflections.

Luckily now that the kids are older we have more time for ourselves and these minutes of crisis are few and far between. When they were small there just weren't enough hours in the day to get everything done AND focus on our relationship. I believe this is where and why many marriages fail. Sure there have been times that it would have been relatively easy to walk away, especially when Mr. New seemed exciting when you're bored, tired or just want to escape reality.

There has to be something there to begin with, you can't just pick some random person from the crowd and decide they're the one you're going to love. I think if you've had the chemistry and a firm foundation, love the one you're with. That loving feeling will return.

[I_WMD]

I Loved the one I was with .... and we became the ones we Loved ...

WMD.

[MichelleNY]

Originally Posted by I_WMD

I Loved the one I was with .... and we became the ones we Loved ...

WMD.

Just Beautiful....Thank You.

[MichelleNY]

Originally Posted by NuckingFutz

Um, are you reffering to getting a little ooh la la?

Yes... but also more.
Just mean... If the one you truly love is untainable...and there is someone else who is just as wonderful..but.. your not "in love" with him/her..should you give it a try and hope and maybe you will "grow" to love him/her.

[Lenny]

Why not?

Nothing ventured,,,nothing gained.

With Care,

Lenny

[VickiesPath]

One of the reasons that music and art are so wonderful is that each individual listener or viewer interprets the piece in a way that is relevant to him or her.

When Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young recorded that song, it was during the "Hippy" era. It was the era of "free love" and Woodstock. What it meant was simply, if your current favorite or parter wasn't available, don't fret, there is someone close who you can love. And they don't mean platonic love. That's what the free love movement was.

I like that you've given it new meaning. The free love thing never really worked. It doesn't work today. I'm not saying this because I'm old, either. I participated in it. But it didn't feel right. Our society still doesn't approve of multiple partners. It happens but it is dissed. Our social morals still require some form of monogamy, although it doesn't always work perfectly.

What you describe isn't exactly the same thing. If I read you correctly, you are saying that if the person you long for is not available and won't be available for a relationship with you, then if there is someone that you like but not love at this time, should you take a chance and get to know them better, hoping that it might become something more? If that is what you are saying, then it's not the same as what the song says and I would agree with Lenny. Go for it!

[Junerain]

I personally would follow my heart wherever it leads me, and that is usually something very, very, exhilarating and passionate, very physical, very deep connection with someone very, very masculine

Of course that is just me, I keep finding fewer and fewer people have any similiarities with my way of living my life..I must be .0000000001 of a percentile to the norm

But I do say perhaps you will eventually meet someone who makes you much, much more enlightened, more intrinsically passionate

You have seen what is behind door #1 and door #2

Go straight for door #3 even if it does not exist

[NuckingFutz]

I could not have said it better than vicky.

[billieJ]

Michelle, given your revised description of what you are talking about, I would say to give the attainable relationship a try, but, at the same time, try not to engender false hope in this apparently good guy. Concentrate on his desirable qualities in an effort to develop some "chemistry". But if it's not there, it's not, and the new relationship may be only a temperary fix for you. billieJ

[Yoda]

Good post, Vickie. Growing up in the 70s I w@s ok@y with c@su@l sex unless in @ committed rel@tionship. Now I view c@su@l sex @s risky.

Interestingly, when my BF & I were together he s@id he tormented his then girlfriend with the song & s@ng it to her to t@unt her. Young & imm@ture I suppose. He w@s not f@ithful to her but he w@s to me.

I like the song however you interpret it. When young & uninhibited it represented my wild side. Now it is different. My BF w@s the love of my life. I will never h@ve @ rel@tionship (or sex) th@t c@n be th@t wonderful @g@in. But if ever I meet someone th@t I c@n love emotion@lly or sexu@lly (or ide@lly both) I will @ppreci@te wh@tever level of intim@cy or sexu@l ple@sure I might find.

Honestly though I don't seek @nother BF or lover bec@use I h@ve @lre@dy experienced more love & gr@tifying sex th@n I ever knew possible. So very s@d th@t my BF st@rted using meth & ended @ wonderful f@mily.

[turquoisesea]

Originally Posted by AAAAA

My own opinion is that too many people are constantly searching for that new, madly in love, honeymoon stage. Staying in a loving relationship requires a lot of active work. This includes in my case an occassional "why am I here" and "what attracted me in the first place" type of reflections.

Luckily now that the kids are older we have more time for ourselves and these minutes of crisis are few and far between. When they were small there just weren't enough hours in the day to get everything done AND focus on our relationship. I believe this is where and why many marriages fail. Sure there have been times that it would have been relatively easy to walk away, especially when Mr. New seemed exciting when you're bored, tired or just want to escape reality.

There has to be something there to begin with, you can't just pick some random person from the crowd and decide they're the one you're going to love. I think if you've had the chemistry and a firm foundation, love the one you're with. That loving feeling will return.

thank you for posting this =)

[MichelleNY]

Thank You all for your wonderful advise.

[Malachite]

Dear Michelle,

I have always loved the one I was with, without regret. Yet, I wish, I had put more effort into being with the one I loved. My lovers, have always been classmates, schoolmates, the girl next door, and the girl down the hall. Now, I wonder what might have been.

Larry

[salukigirl]

I believe it. I have noticed that whenever I can't be with the one I "love" and I finally do...it never lives up to my imagination or how I thought it would. Also, things that are that insanely passionate usually die out pretty quickly. I have much more deep appreciation knowing that, with my current bf, every time I have had doubts or wanted to walk out and leave, he wouldn't let me. So, while at first, I might have "loved" someone else, it's grown much more than that. If you're willing to give someone a chance, it might be better than going for that passionate-libido driven lust.

For me, falling in love is akin to falling for gag or a scam, ala The Sting. Once the hormone overload has run its course the parties will encounter the real work that leads to a mature love. Unless there is the commitment of both to make the relationship work, there is sex and the rest is a farce.