[Myzen]

OK -

There is an elderly guy living in our neighbourhood, call him M. Anyway, he's known for being difficult and I try to be careful around him, but last week I got caught up.

He always shouts loudly to me from across the street, and one time he shouted to me while I was cycling. I looked round, saw it was him, and fell off my bike on the kerb, injuring my wrist, which still hurts a bit even now.

The next time was when I gave him a lift home in my car and he was winding me up so much that I drove fast to get rid of him and was caught on a speed camera. I'm still waiting to go to court. He said he would come to court with me, but I'm not having it.

Anyway, I still hadn't learned my lesson!

This week I bumped into him again. He was taking some eggs back to the shop because he said the yolks were too pale (I'm not making this up) and he wanted to change them. I pointed out that you don't know what colour the yolks are going to be until you have cracked the eggs, and this seemed to upset him.

Anyway, I said I would go for a walk with him. That was last Wednesday and I still haven't got over it. It was a nightmare.

He drove to some beauty spot he knew. At one point he stopped the car in the middle of a narrow road and went off to ask directions. He left me in the passenger seat, with the driver's door open. What if a car came along? Finally he came back and we got to the place. He took me through a short cut he knew which turned out to be a private garden and we were chased by dogs (really - I'm not making this up).

All this time we were having a 'conflicty' sort of conversation, and I was having to stick up for myself. He is a retired schoolmaster and he was playing mind games with me. At one point he spoke to me in French and then pretended to be surprised that I didn't understand him. He wouldn't tell me what he had said.

I was really struggling. Suddenly the penny dropped and I knew who he was like. He was like my abusive father, exactly like him. I had walked into the classic trigger situation. He was chaotic in his own mind, narrow in his views, and a taunter and tormentor.

No wonder, he is always alone, and people keep away from him, just like my own father.

For the last few days I have had a kind of hangover, and a feeling as if a great weight has been leaning on me.

I want some advice. If I see this guy again in our small neighbourhood, how can I avoid being over friendly towards him? I know I am doing it out of fear. I know that, and I hate it about myself.

Thoughfully, M

so sorry that i missed responding to this when you asked for advice....i'm glad that folks here offered advice and very good advice......avoid him like the PLAGUE!!!!!!!!!!......hope you are feeling better by now...i sympathize..i am very much like you.....

[Myzen]

Hi folks,

Thanks for all the good advice, which I think amounts to - don't get involved with certain people in the first place!

The events did sound a bit far fetched but it was all true. I have since heard another frightening thing about my (nameless) neighbour which frankly leaves me speechless.

The local church recently gave my neighbour some voluntary work to do as he is a churchgoer. He was to take a man out for the afternoon. This man suffers from advanced Alzheimers disease, and they needed someone to take the strain off the poor man's wife.

My neighbour took this man out for an afternoon walk and - LOST HIM! Yes, it's amost unbelievable. He took this ill guy into a bar with him, got talking to some people, and the ill guy wandered off. He was found five miles away by the local police. The church people said that my neighbour was quite unrepentent about what had happened and wanted to take him out again.

Frankly, this puts my experience into perspective.

One thought. If I ever become ill with something like that, I wouldn't want him to turn up to help me. Even if I was far gone, I'd still remember him!

Now that really is a frightening prospect.

I can see the funny side of all this now, and the trigger is fading thank goodness. It's a polite distance from now on.

Cheers, M

PS - I know this is grim stuff, but sometimes you just have to see the funny side.

Hey Myzen,

Wow, some neighbor! Some experiences!

My suggestion, when ever I would see him out, or about to corner me, I would give a really quick wave, and keep right on moving, as if I had someplace to go, for important buisness.
Perhaps, a good example, Wow, You gotta get to your computer, to get on this site, and vent! Or anything to keep moving. If he tries to stop you, just say "Sorry, not now, reallly busy"! And say it like you mean it. Good time to start on your assertivness training!!
Good luck.

SongBird

[MacD]

Myzen, as I was just telling Jan, one of my most recent moments is realizing that I don't have to respond to every person who approaches....I think it's my "good southern girl" upbringing that made me feel compelled to always make some response to everyone...no matter how distasteful they might be.....But you know what?.....I DON'T HAVE TO...and I LIKE THAT!!!! LOL....Listen to those inner instincts and take care of yourself....You certainly don't owe that old codger any of your time.....life is challenging enough...and sometimes the biggest challenge is NOT reacting.....Hang in.....

Grace

[(JD)]

LOL actually myzen imo your taking this guy with you ...and letting him show off for the judge, might make the judge FULLY understand why you couldn't drive right! LOL

[Myzen]

Thanks everyone,

By sharing my experience on the forum I've turned an upsetting thing into something that I can laugh about!

Now that can't be bad. And the concensus of opinion seems to be - don't get involved. Thanks for all the replies.

I'll try Songbird's 'friendly wave and keep moving' suggestion. The guy does live across the park from me, so it won't be too long before I get to start that 'assertiveness training'.

Cheers, e

PS - We get 'Seinfeld' here on cable, and I've noticed that the characters are always tripping each other up, and getting into messes. I'll watch the programme with a new interest after my own 3d experiences.