Are we more forgiving in relationships than we should be?

I'm in a tricky relationship. It's been about 4.5 years, and I do believe we love each other.
However, every now and again he goes out with the boys and gets TRASHED. I feel he is also not emotional enough for me, and I sometimes feel incredibly lonely even though we are in a relationship and live together. Last night for the first time in a long time I joined him out drinking. Well, I only had a few, as I noticed I was getting tired and slightly tipsy, and also that someone had to take control of the situation.

Bear in mind- he's not a teenager; he's 37! while i drove him and friend home, he suddenly opens the door. Luckily I realise and stop, but he still gets out and has a huge drunken rage of aggression and kicks his side mirror right of his own car! He carries on and on until it is wrecked.

I was scared! After he passes out, his friend tries to pull into me, which made me feel violated.

I feel terrible and need to realistically ask myself - why am I still here after 4.5 years? What am I getting out of it? I really believe a normal person would have left ages ago.

Is my depression and bipolar making me cling to a dream that's not there? Is my anxiety stopping me from being on my own?

There probably have been good moments along with the chaos. I personally tried to hang onto a relationship too long because I valued the good moments. It sounds like BF has some serious issues, alcohol and anger at least. Be safe.

Yeah - I agree that we probably try to block out the bad and just focus on the good, instead of being honest and taking stock to ensure there is at least a balance

My bf and I love each other a lot... He's kind of very emotional though and angry so at times he takes it out on me by telling me hurtful things.
There are also times where he says things you shouldn't tell you gf about when he's had sex with females in his past... I haven't talked about it because I'm scared of conflicts and bringing up issues... I pretend nothing is wrong or just repress everything and wait till I get home to stay up all night and cry.
However along with this are the beautiful beautiful wonderful times that we've had and spent together... I believe I have borderline personality disorder because I over react and get into self destructive behaviors over things like this and I feel like I'm so helpless and in chains by my emotions and I know my wonderful friend has a great beautiful side to him when he's not angry... that is what keeps me to him.. We've been dating for two years only but we've also been best friends for about 8 years and I KNOW he is an amazing and kind person.... I duno I feel its my fault when he is angry because there is nothing I can do and I don't ever want to lose him...

No you should talk about it... I am good at advise but I never follow it myself DDDD :

I'm scared of conflicts ;x I prefer to stick inside my imagination of lala flowers ;_______;

You, and your therapist if you have one, must answer your questions. Does you friend think he has a problem? Has he ever considered therapy? Has that aggression been turned on you?

It is my view you are not in a safe place and deserve better.

Good luck.

Both of them were absolutely drunk. My bf and his friend are good friends, but live about 1600km apart. Our friend travels quite a bit, so we do get together regularly.

I ended up having to phone my bf's mom at midnight (she stays in the same block as we do) as I could not control him anymore. Yes, I felt like a right idiot, but I was in a position where I just about had to decide whether to give them the car keys, or I was going to drive off - anything as long as I didn't have to be near him.
Luckily his mom is really understanding, she woke up to meet me. My bf and his friend I just left in the car, it was unlocked, as was the garage and we were inside our safe complex so they'd be fine. I had a smoke with the Mom in law and she offered me a cup of coffee, but all i wanted to do was sleep. 10 minutes my later my bf staggered into her lounge (Still not sure why he went there instead of our apartment??) crashed on the couch and that was the end of that. I went to our apartment and took whatever sleeping pills and anti-anxiety tabs I could. But i was scared that he'd come up in the middle of the night - he has not often been aggressive towards me, so this was quite out of character, but it scared me. and I don't know what to expect tonight.
He is a father of 2 children - neither of which stay with him - why does he act like a maniac!?

8 days prior we both went for a quick drink after work with another friend of his. I left after 1 hour and he promised he'd be right behind me. He should have been home at +-7PM, instead gets home at around 2AM, and turns out he'd gone to strip club too.

I've tried to explain to him that I am a whole lot more sensitive, that things like this create immense anxiety in me and cause me to spiral into deep depression, sometimes with suicidal thoughts. The day afterwards he's an amazing bf, but he soon goes back to being his old self.
Please dont get me wrong - I don't feel he's an alchoholic, just on average once a month or so he really loses the plot and I follow suit (Emotionally). Right now I am going through suicidal thoughts (Luckily I try rationalise things) and feel terrible

Sorry, I think you are deluding yourself. It is your life. Good luck.

Byzantine - what does your statement mean?

No worries - googled it :-)

Yes, I do think you are right, but it still does not make it any easier to leave a 4.5 year relationship behind, which 90% of the time is great - but the other 10% are so bad and make me emotionally sick to the stage where I cannot cope. If they were bad, but not this bad, sure - I would accept and dela with them.