Why Don't I Care

NuckingFutz · Apr 24, 2010, 01:17 AM

Well, my friend and ex neighbor (the one with stage 4 bone cancer) and I have been texting with her as she is in a nursing home. Everything was fine and then all of a sudden she asks me why I wasn't around about a month before she moved. I told her that I had a move myself and was spending more time communicating with my dad who is close to not being able to communicate at all. I also said that my absence said that I was just really busy but it wasn't about her. She then said that I shouldn't bother coming to see her or text her and that it is all about her because she is dying. You know, I know she is dying but I never chose her as a friend. She always would say something and there would be a barb in her statements. I guess I avoided her because I did not want to have to deal with that anymore. I have not in the mood to chase down people who do this kind of stuff. I feel absolutely nothing towards people who push their way into my life then get mad when I don't act the way they want me too. Why do I not care

Tatyana2009 · Apr 24, 2010, 05:13 AM

You care enough to post this...

Perna · Apr 24, 2010, 06:38 AM

Why do you not care about not caring about people who don't care about you? The opposite question comes to mind: Why should you care?

You have your life and as much as we might "like" to care about the starving in _______, we don't have that much energy/focus to be able to do that. It doesn't sound like this person was contributing anything at all to your life? And, it IS all about our own lives; she was sort of correct about saying it was about her but had her reason wrong, it seems to me, her life is all about her but your life is about you and deciding that her dying should be more important than your living/dying doesn't work for your life.

NuckingFutz · Apr 24, 2010, 07:03 PM

The way I sef it is that any one of us could pass away at any moment. What she said about it being about all her now that she was dying seemed selfishly stated. This "it's all about me" is a theme in her life...her last AA sponsor bought her a coffee cup that said "it's all about me" on it. She explained to her sponsor was always having tn remind her that it's not all about her. I guess it just caught me off guard because it is the opposite of what everyone else says. I guess I was just surprised she would text me for months and then suddenly realise I was busy while she was finally dx'ed with cancer. I use to drive her up to the er all the time. Kinda relieved that they finally found the cancer but it seems to have given her an excuse to embrace the "it's all about me" mantra. She always liked attention...she would get her nails done and a pedicure with her SSDI money and be upset when she ran out of money at the end of the month. Told her once that people who work can't afford pedicures and manicures.

Tatyana2009 · Apr 24, 2010, 08:24 PM

Well, it sounds to me like you have done your bit. And thats all you can do.

If she chooses to lead this kind of life (also when approaching death) its her decision. If she always had been like that than why change now?

Dont feel bad about it. It sounds like a game to me. The 'now I ve got you son of a ...' game.

So there is a discount there. Which makes you feel uncomfortable. Thats understandable.

You are true to yourself. That all that matters. xx

NuckingFutz · Apr 24, 2010, 09:14 PM

You know you are right. She is using her illness. Wonder how she would deal with things if she pulled through this. I am letting this go...did what I could. Her own son will not talk to her or see her. Sad.