[piggysmile]

Say your friend wants to borrow your book. You and your friend can be considered close yet you do not fully trust him/her fully to lend your book.

How can you say this without offending him/her?

[Fuzzybear]

Tricky question, boundaries can be so tough, even for those of us who are not overly "sick".

Basically I suggest to treat your friend with respect and be clear, consistent, and caring when you set the boundary. If you do this, then conflict is less likely to result...... conflict which could result in more boundary struggles between the two of you then or in the future.

I have recently learnt more about boundaries myself... the hard way. I do not however think that it is usually just one person at fault when two "mentally ill" people fall out due to a boundary issue.

Good luck.

Take care,
Fuzzy

[Myzen]

Hi Piggysmile,

Well, in polite society, people usually make excuses (in other words lie to each other!).

In your situation, something like, "I'm still reading it" or "I've promised it to someone else." would be typical.

A bit more honest would be, "I don't usually lend my books." or "Maybe when we know each other a little better."

The polite rule is that the truth often hurts, so excuses are used instead.

Cheers, M

Hi Fuzzy,

In more serious situations I agree with you; especially if we are dealing with someone we want as a permanent friend and who maybe doesn't understand the complex ins and outs of 'etiquette'.

Cheers, M