Learning to trust again, painful therapy lessons, but good ones

I have a new T since July, since I fired my old one after 2 1/2 yrs. of working with him. I was talking about my feelings for my old T, mostly good stuff with my new T. Then my new T wanted to EMDR after that for my feelings for my T. I asked him why, because the feelings I have are good ones, I asked him if I was talking about something wrong. He said no, but If I continued talking for the rest of the hour about it, it would be wrong. He wanted to keep our conversations therapy related. I was shocked he said that. Tears just rolled down my face. I thought I finally had a T I could be completely open with and discuss anything I needed.
He asked what was wrong and I asked why is talking about my old T wrong? I am working through the sudden termaination and sometimes I needed to talk about stuff, especially since I have seen him out and about in public again. I told him now I feel like I have to be guarded in what I talked about with him. I told him I thought it was theraputice to talk about my relationship with my old T, since things are still raw from that. I told him that termination was one of my issues I wrote on my enterance papers on why I wanted to do thereapy.

Well he looked again, and he said he felt like such an *ss and wanted to take his comment back if he could. He said he forgot since I do have much bigger issues like child abuse. He really said he was sorry he said that. I said it was okay, he is only human, and we both laughed. He said he learned something today, and he needed to be humbled. lol But one thing he has always been so honest with me, and when he misses the boat, he owns up to it. Well that makes me feel even more close to him.

Well okay there was a lot of painful lessons I learned today. FIrst of all I used to hold in my feelings if my old T upset me, then I would get really angry and let him have it on his message machine later that day. Today, I told my T how upset I was, in the moment, face to face, well I had tears running down my face, and we worked it out in the hear and now. I accepted his explaination and realize he made a mistake, and that is okay. But then I also realize how fragile my trust is, and how vunerable I am with him. When I felt like had to hide my feelings and not talk about them about my old T, I felt so sad, like I was doing something wrong by talking about my feelings, that took so much courage in disclosing to him. It kinda scared me to trust him because I am used to being hurt when I do that. But I feel safe with him, I can cry in front of him and it is okay. I just wish I wasn't so sensitive. I have to go through the trenches again dealing with my past child abuse, so I needs someone like him to help me. My old T hurt me, and I am afraid he will too, so it is so hard to give him my trust. He said my trust and openess was a gift to him and it will allow me to do the work with him. he knows I am scared. Therapy is hard.

Wow, do I feel like a freak, I am sorry if I posted anything wrong. I think I will go away now.

you are not a freak. it looks as if you are well on your way to the healing process. i'm sorry your old T hurt you and you are having problems dealing with that. i'm sure it must be hard... it's good your new T realized his mistake and supports you now. it must be hard to trust your new T while still dealing with feelings from your old... but he seems committed to helping you get through this. you will learn to trust in time. therapy is hard, trust me i know, but its healthy. and in the end you will come out much happier. good luck with everything.

What wonderful things you are learning! I'm glad you finally have a T who listens and "backs up" and looks at things again, "engages" with you in figuring out what to discuss and can admit to being wrong when he is. That is great.

Bravo for being so brave and sticking to your guns too. That's how I learned "anger" wouldn't demolish me, when a boss got angry and wouldn't listen and I knew I was right and kept insisting/telling the truth until he heard me.

HF, that's great you felt steady enough to confront your new T in the moment. Those are the moments that can be the most valuable in therapy--and also the scariest. Good for you!

gg

I quit with my former T. after having seen him for about 3 years..... I rarely felt validated and like you-- I'd not deal with it in the moment. YOU did that this time!... I think that is huge! Good going!

and try not to feel bad about it taking some time to get replies.... you're not alone, that's usually how it is for me too.

Hope your sessions continue in a positive direction.

mandy

Thanks everyone, I am so sorry I am so sensitive lately. I am wearing my emotions on my sleeve, which is not like me, and I feel like a fish out of water.

I know this is just me, but I am not wondering why my T said what he did? I know the subject is uncomfortable to him since he has had experince too when he did too much for a client. Plus my old T is a well respected guy in the community, so it probably is hard to hear this stuff about him. He did tell me once that this subject makes him uncomfortable, but he was willing to do what I needed. I think he forgot he told me that or something, he does forget a lot of stuff sometimes. I always thought therapy was suppose to help you with what you needed help with, so now I am confused even when he said he was sorry. I keep wondering why was it wrong?

<font color="green">I don't think you were wrong to insist on returning to a subject you were not ready to turn loose. Maybe ask your therapist why he feels so uncomfortable with this.

I had a therapist who triggered me into a huge flashback and dissociation; I left her office and drove a couple miles without recalling any of it. 8 years later, I still don't recall what happened but have recovered enough to know she had somehow reminded me of my mother.

Eventually we did do EMDR for my issues with the old therapist. I was tired of triggering whenever I thought of her and my therapist felt I deserved to be able to use and enjoy using the good things the old therapist had taught us. I like being able to remember the good times and not dwell on the painful stuff.</font>

It sounds to me like you took a huge step forward, saying what you feel when you felt it, rather than waiting until later when you would feel safer bot not have help to sort it out. It sounds like your T realized that too. Please don't second guess yourself. Your progress is very real and something you can be proud of and use to launch yourself forward!

((((((((((((( happyflowergirl )))))))))))))


Saying how we feel is usually a good thing, with a safe person I haven't got anywhere near that point though