[Bipolepdspouse]

Hi I am new here but if I don't talk to someone I am going to go insane.

I suffer from Bipolar disease. I am seeing a PDOC for meds. I was doing ok. Better than Ok for a while but this last month has been a strain.

My husband of 5 yrs has battles alcoholism, Major depression, anitexy disorder, asthama and now was diagonosed with Early Onset Parkinsons disease. I have stuck by him through the humiliation of being with a drunk, the many hospital stays for pnuemonia, and the time 2 years ago when he came home and announced that he wanted to kill himself. He was hospitalized. I went every day to see him. I have been supportive through it all but this last diagnosis has got me thinking that I can't handle this anymore.

I feel like the worse person in the world. I made the vow for better or worse why can't I keep it? I hate myself but I just want to say enough.

What is wrong with me?

[Alexandria04]

Nothing is wrong with you. In my opinion those are totally normal thoughts to have when one is under as much stress as you are! Having to deal with all of that surely has to be overwhelming at times. You said you are seeing a Pdoc, is your husband seeing anyone for his problems? If not, is there any possibility you could get him to go to a therapist or a support group of some kind? Maybe even couples counseling to work on your relationship issues?

You are not a bad person, don't be so hard on yourself. This is a really hard position to be in. Sorry I don't have any answers, but hang in there and everyone here on PC is here to support and encourage you!

[Bipolepdspouse]

Thank you.

He is going to the same PDOC. He is very easily embarassed and I don't know how he will react to conseling.

I am afraid that me piling all that I am feeling on him might tip over and back to the hospital for suicide again.

I feel trapped, scared, hopeless and overwhelmed. I think a call to the pdoc is what I need. Then some really serious thought.

Thanks again.

[Sameera]

I agree with Alexandria.

What you are thinking and feeling sound perfectly normal to me. You are dealing with an insane amount of stuff. It sounds like you have been for quite some time and of course this last diagnosis just makes it seem like you can't win. The "one thing after another" sort of feeling.

I would say that this would be an issue to take up with your doc, also if he isn't, get him into counseling. You guys could probably do joint counseling/couples counseling so that you can take care of a number of issues all at the same time. That is to say, the same person that is helping with your marriage would also be helping with his depression, alcohol abuse and so on. This way they can formulate a treatment plan that encompass all of the issues, addresses everything and doesn't have multiple docs working in multiple directions. That way no one is stepping on each others toes, or have you guys running in 20 different directions.

I hope things work out for you.

Good luck to you, Bipolepdspouse, whatever you decide.

[Bipolepdspouse]

Update: Last week I found out he hasn't been paying the bills for 3 months. everything is being turned off. I found out when I went to call a friend to talk. I paid the telephone and freaked out. I yelled at him (I was furious) Then I looked at the piles of mail on his desk and found out that nothing had been paid and found the cancellation notices. Needless to say I was angry he walked away when I began to yell. I followed and he said he are you going to keep yelling at me? I said have you met me? He gave no reason for not paying. There are no unusal withdrawls on the account. I don't know where the money went. This insn't the first time this has happened. We set up an account to pay bills and he got really angry when I tried to monitor it in the past. I thought ok I will give you this responsibility and trust you. I am at my wits end. I can't live like this anymore.

Sorry this is happening. Your husband has some explaining to do,

Good luck.