[rvidal6]

Hi, my name is Ruben and I am 34 years old. I've been married for 10 years and have 3 children (15,9,7). The 15 year old is from her previous relationship. I recently found out that my wife has been texting and talking on the phone with another man for about 4-5 months. I have records that show that they have been texting each other over 200 times a month and sometimes talk for over an hour on the phone. On a few days, they text each other 30+ times in one day, from early morning to late night.

I will say that I am not the perfect husband. I have never had an affair, neither emotional nor physical because my kids flash in my mind anytime i feel something is in appropriate. I do admint that I disrepect my wife sometimes by looking at other women when we are together.

I first found out this past Friday because out of nowhere I looked at her phone messages. I read 3-4 messages from OM that made me feel weird. She denied it until she finally realized I had the proof. Now she states that she felt nothing for him but I can't read any other messages because she deleted them all from previous months.

I guess I feel like I got punked by my wife and OM. He is not married (lives with girlfriend) and is one of my sons high school baseball coaches.

What do I do!!Am I being jealous, I know this just happen but I can't imagine every feeling the same about her.

Will take all comments...

Ruben

Hello, Ruben. The emotional overload that you feel now has to be very intense. It is going to take some time to get your feelings sorted. These articles may help a bit:

http://ezinearticles.com/?How-To-Reg...rust&id=943021
http://www.ehow.com/how_5522243_rega...ationship.html

Good luck.

[Yoda]

What was the content of the messages you read? Were they more along the lines of casual friends chatting or provocative and sexy? How is your relationship with your wife otherwise? Has she been acting indifferent toward you in the past few months while she was talking to him or were you and she intimate and close?

[jenkins09]

Originally Posted by Yoda

What was the content of the messages you read? Were they more along the lines of casual friends chatting or provocative and sexy? How is your relationship with your wife otherwise? Has she been acting indifferent toward you in the past few months while she was talking to him or were you and she intimate and close?

I personally think that while the content of the messgaes come into play somewhat, that it is irrelevant. The fact of the matter is she kept it a secret, she clearly knew it was wrong and an emotional affair is just as damaging, and often worse than a one night stand.

Your wife was giving a part of herself meant only for you to another man. I hope you two are seeking counseling for this or it will happen again, the only difference is she may have a physical affair as well. You need to own your part in the marriage not being in a good place, she own the emotional affair all on her own. She could have made different choices.

I have been down this road. If you dont seek counseling for this it will happen again. Your wife needs to work on her boundries and you both need to put up "fences" to safeguard your marriage.

Good luck.

[lynn P.]

I think you're justified in being upset. There's no reason she should be putting this much time and energy into communicating with him, plus she was doing this secretly. There's no reason for her communicating with him and she should eliminate him from her contact list. Why should you both pay for their communication??

[AkAngel]

A couple of people above have pointed out that she was doing this secretly as eveidence of her wrongdoing. While I agree with this, in my opinion it pales next to the fact that she lied about it when confronted; that, to me, would be the greatest of the issues.

There are other issues though. You said that you've never had an affair because your kids flash in your mind. That may be appropriate for the type of relationship you are satisfied with but it doesn't speak to a closeness between the two of you. I mean, I don't cheat on my wife because I have no desire to but if I did...if an affair was something I was interested in for me, I wouldn't do it then because it would be painful to her. I am the reason I don't have an affair and she is the second reason - it seems incomprehensible to me that one would need to go outside of the relationship to find a reason to not cheat, you know? Which begs the question, for me anyway, that if you aren;t cheating because of your kids - what do you and your wife have?