[Aunt Donna]

I am having trouble with my husband who smokes and I don't. He isn't allowed to smoke in the house, but he stands with the back door open (which is right by our bedroom door) and smokes. The smoke comes right back in the house and I can't stand it. Another reason he isn't allowed to smoke in the house is because he falls asleep as soon as he gets still and I don't want him dropping a burning cigarette. His smoking is his business but I don't want to inhale it. He has copd on top of it and takes meds for it. His smoking, also, causes me to have breathing problems. I just want him to go completely outside to smoke. Thanks for reading my rant.

Donna, seems like your husband loses something in the translation. Perhaps another go at explaining would be beneficial?

Be well.

Did he smoke before you married him ? I know as a smoker its really really hard to give up and I would be miffed if my partner knew I smoked and only after the marriage started to moan about it.

Other than that I would get up and close the door every time he goes for a smoke that way he will get the message if telling him isn't enough.

[ECHOES]

What about creating a place for him to be outside while he smokes? Someplace away from your bedroom..do you have a patio or garage where you could set him up with a chair and ashtray?

Anyone can quit smoking. Don't believe everything you hear about quitting (or about anything else for that matter). People quit every day. The hype about the difficulty can keep a person stuck, can keep a person from trying and succeeding. It isn't easy, it's just difficult. And difficult is difficult, not impossible.

[salukigirl]

You know what I have noticed? Smokers will go where ever there is an ash tray. If you can't get through with the typical just asking then try the passive aggressive approach and move all the ash trays towards the back of the yard.

[Aunt Donna]

Thanks for the replies. When we married, we both smoked. That was over 24 years ago. We both quit and then he has gone through periods of quitting and starting back. He has a place to smoke on the front porch with a butt can and all. He doesn't want to go that far when the back door is beside our bedroom door. He throws his cigarette butts on the ground. I have make to him clean them up every so often. As far as shutting the door on him, really don't want to start a fight that way. My husband has a temper and doesn't mind throwing a temper tantrum. Seriously thinking about getting a fan and put on the deep freezer which is near the back door to blow the smoke out the door. At least I would get some relief.

[Aunt Donna]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

Donna, seems like your husband loses something in the translation. Perhaps another go at explaining would be beneficial?

Be well.

You mean like how I have to repeat everything like I normally do. LOL. I should know better after all the years. I will give it another go. Still going to put the fan on the freezer for a reminder. Thanks so much, Byzantine. I really appreciate you reminding me.

[ashty]

My fiance does EXACTLY the same thing at the kitchen door, despite the fact that there is a table, chairs and ashtray literally 3 feet away. I'm a smoker and this even irritates ME beyond belief, because I don't want our house to smell of smoke. I've told him sooo many times, I've reasoned with him, pushed him into the garden, shouted at him, gently reminded him... you know what? It doesn't seem to make a difference how many times or how clearly they're told, they'll just keep doing it.... its like dealing with a 4 year old!

Last time he said "I like it that you nag me about it, because it means that the things I do actually matter"

If you figure out the answer, please please tell me so I can try it out, lol.

xxxx

[AAAAA]

Have you asked him to step outside and close the door? Maybe you need to work on your approach. Set up a table and chair outside for him to be comfortable. Relationships are give and take.

I’m a smoker, I don’t throw my butts about, nor do I smoke around children. Even in my own home, when someone brings their child over for a visit I’ll either step outside or go into my room.

The only place I really smoke is in my bedroom. My husband quit smoking 15 years ago, but if he said the smoke was bothering him, I’d happily go outside. But if he told me I wasn’t “allowed” to smoke in the house/car I’d light one up non-stop. I’m an adult and I’ll be double dipped in manure before someone else tells me what I am or am not allowed to do.

[Aunt Donna]

I want to thank everyone who has replied. It was a mutual agreement about where he smokes. We have talked about it and he has agreed to the fan at the back door. He is trying to quit and he feels limiting where he can smoke will help. He says he only smokes about four in a twelve hour shift at work because he can't smoke inside the building and he is trying to do that at home. I just get frustrated when he changes the agreement without letting me in on it. He does smoke in the car with the window down.

Funny thing is that my sister smokes and does so in her home, but don't light one up in a vehicle with her. She will tell you to put it out quick. LOL. As matter of fact, she is the one who wanted my husband for a brother and insisted on me meeting him to begin with. Despite our differences, we get along even with the smoking issue. Sometimes it is better to laugh about it than argue.

[AAAAA]

I’m a heavy smoker and I can’t stand being in car with someone smoking without the windows down, it makes me nauseous. Many of my relatives are smokers that have never smoked in their houses, I can respect those wishes.

Smoking can be a very triggering subjects in families. My mother-in-law was treated very poorly by two of her daughters, I have no doubt that their motives were pure, but their delivery was very rude. I don’t think they know to this day how much they truly hurt her feelings when a “please do not smoke in the house” would have done the job just fine.

[Aunt Donna]

Originally Posted by AAAAA

I’m a heavy smoker and I can’t stand being in car with someone smoking without the windows down, it makes me nauseous. Many of my relatives are smokers that have never smoked in their houses, I can respect those wishes.

Smoking can be a very triggering subjects in families. My mother-in-law was treated very poorly by two of her daughters, I have no doubt that their motives were pure, but their delivery was very rude. I don’t think they know to this day how much they truly hurt her feelings when a “please do not smoke in the house” would have done the job just fine.

There is such thing as tact when dealing with family. You have to be careful when dealing with family. I have learned even though I don't smoke and there is no smoking in my home, other people are different. When I go into someone's home that smokes and smokes in the home, I keep my mouth shut because I choose to go into their home. Thanks for your response.