fear of being left for someone else

I have a girlfriend that I love to death. the only problem is that I dont feel like i can trust her... she likes to talk to other guys that she says are "just friends" but i still find my self worried that she is going to cheat on me or leave me because she likes them more than me. my entire life seems to revolve around this girl and she seems to be one of the only things that makes me happy anymore. I just dont feel good enough so im afraid that she will move on once she finds some one out there thats better than me.(basicly everyone) she tells me she loves me and says she wants to be with me forever but ive had girls say that to me befor then cheat on me and leave me anyway. how can I know if she means it or if shes just tell me a bunch of lies its just hard to tell...

Hey Ninja,

you can't paint her with the same brush the others are painted with; accept her the way she is, a friendly outgoing person who doesn't try to sneak behind your back to talk to other people or you can kill the love with suspicion and miss out on a really good thing.

I promise you it will be the suspicion and not another guy that damages this thing you have...take a deep breath and suck it up....if you can convince yourself she's cheating you can convince your self shes true...I'd bet on the true...

thank you that makes me feel better

It sounds like you are giving away too much of your own power/self to others, only letting her make you happy. You need to find your own reasons to be happy, in yourself, that don't involve other people making you happy (as they can't do that as they are not you; only you can make you happy).

It's very dangerous giving our control to other people as other people have their own lives to live and may/may not stay/leave, etc. Get to know yourself and your life doing your own things for you and you won't be so worried about her leaving you for someone else and will, in fact, be more attractive to her. You won't love her less or want to be with her less but will be more comfortable with yourself. If you have trouble thinking well of yourself, start by realizing she wouldn't be with you if you did not have attributes that are there for all other people to see; you should see them yourself.

Wish you the best, XDTastyNinja.

I understand where your coming from. I was maybe 125lbs when me and my boyfriend began going out. that was nearly 4 years ago. now i'm 206lbs. i feel as if he's not attracted to me anymore. our sexual lifestyle even declined. do u think it's because of all the weight I put on?

most likely yes, along with the time you've already spent together. Maybe you two can go out running together and spark up the relationship again :3

ninja i know how you feel, you have to try to give her the benefit of the doubt though... or your suspicion can do harm to the relationship ;[[

Thank you all but its to late. What I feared came true and she left for someone better as I expected...

((((((((((((((Ninja)))))))))))))))
I'm so sorry.
You will find your happiness with someone that you CAN trust.
Keep your chin up, we're all here for you when you want to talk.

With respect, saying that "she left for someone better as I expected" is such a loaded statement. She left. That much is indisputable. She left for someone better? Your self-esteem is almost certainly getting in the way of a successful relationship. He's not better; he's different perhaps, but certainly not better. The guy might cheat on her three months from now and you've wasted three months telling yourself that he is better than you...? And what if they live happily ever after? Then he may in fact be a better fit FOR HER; but he's STILL not better than you.

But the part of your statement that really troubles me is the whole, "as I expected". Here's the truth, if you believe that the relationship is going to come to an end than it absolutely will - but even if you don't expect the relationship to end it still probably will. Every relationship you are ever in is going to end - except the last one. All you're doing now is gaining experience and skills to take into that relationship, enjoy the ride.

well written AkAngel....thanks really....that's so true if you think your relationship will end, then it will......
I'm always like this.....can't stop those negative thoughts in my head when I like the guy and in a relationship....then the same pattern is happening....he's leaving!
I wish one day I find that special person and not think about him leaving me!

I think everyone is "practice" until THE one and when they come along, both know it and both work on the relationship and don't fear being left as the focus is so much more on being together.