likely the wrong place for it- need to talk

Thank you everyone.
He doesn't have it now, I told my sister to give it to him, whether or not she will I don't know.

I'm not so conflicted anymore about it, it still may be a bad idea, but I wont know until I am in the situation I guess. I'll know more about it in a couple days, if he phones.

Well as Lady Dragus already knows from my site... he is supposed to be calling tomorrow.

Could be weird... we'll see. Hope I'm not making a mistake.

Well I mentioned towards the end of our therapy session today about the ex that is back around the area. She thought it was strange that he came back after he threatened me etc, and didn't make a very good effort at keeping off the 'friendship'. She said it would be in my best interest to cut the ties from him, wash my hands after all that with him and his suicide attempt after I broke stuff off. Obviously I am not comfortable really knowing he's returned but he hasn't contacted me yet, he never phoned yesturday. Everytime I heard that phone ring I thought o ***** it's him, but it wasn't.

My pdoc thinks that his intentions aren't likely a reason to see him. I don't know, the whole spider and the butterfly theory that I wrote about my abusive ex? Well I'm afraid of that web again I think with this ex...

I talked to him for over an hour.
Wasn't weird, he was calling the other times to talk to me, but since I wasn't there he talked to my sister.

We talked abit about the past, he still has his issues, we both agreed that there was no closure, he said something like he hasn't found anyone that measured up to me or something like that.

He said he'd come visit me at the BF's house, but I don't think that'd be a good idea. He's phoning again Sunday night. No bad vibes yet.

No bad vibes except that you "don't think that'd be a good idea" that he'd come visit you at the BF's house...sorta kinda a bad vibe maybe.

Sounds to me like he is sounding out the waters with comments like he was calling the other times to talk to you,,,,,he hasn't found anyone that measured up to you.

I would be careful how much I would allow him back into my life of how much I would tell about your current life without him.

If is still has his issues, that isn't good....that means he could put you through the emotional thing again & still blames you for why he got sick & suicidal. Allowing a rerun back into your life that wasn't good the first time would really be something I would question if I wanted back into my life..

Please be cautious & listen to your internal voice.....that is the one that is usually right. For some reason, our internal voice & feelings know more than we give them credit for.
Sounds like trouble to my simple mind.

Be careful to protect yourself.....we all care about you
Debbie

I don't want him in the house because I have a feeling my BF wouldn't like it. It's house home, you know what I mean.

Everytime that he has phoned he was always looking for me, but since I wasn't there he would speak to my sister.

He is supposed to be phoning me tonight...

Yes he said that about not being able to find anyone else etc etc. He has alot of low self-esteem and confidence issues. He went to go talk to someone ,and they wanted to treat him for SZ I belief he said. I said why do they think you have this, he said because I've heard voices that weren't there, and have seen things that weren't there.

He also has all sorts of abuse issues that was never dealt with. He believes by just ignoring them, it will disappear,well we know from expierence, or the people who have endured it besides me knows that it just doesn't go away. He has angry issues which he clearly says that he has, but he wont get help. He even did something that I never thought he'd ever do with violence, and had a drug/booze problem but has been clean I believe he said for a year. I'm think that I will allow it, to a certain extent, I'd like to talk to him, try to help him a bit. As my friend said this weekend, I tend to see the good in everyone even though I know that not all people are good.

We talked abit about that suicide thing, and he knows that I Am not to blame for it, he did do it because I broke his heart. I told him on the phone that if he remained in contact more then he did I might have waited for him, I hear him yell ***** ...asked him what that was about, he said because of what I just told him.

We haven't had any closure with our relationship, we both agree on that. I don't know if I could talk to him about that face to face... but I probably would, but in the comfort of my parents house where I wouldn't be alone etc.

I will be cautious and careful Debbie. I am going to talk to my BF sometime tomorrow, so I'll vent this all to him and get his feed back. The ex still wants to take me and the BF out etc.

Don't know about that either, I doubt my BF wants to meet him at all.

I will continue to keep you guys posted.

Thanks for caring Debbie.

Talked to him again for 2 hours last night, god he is so lost.... makes me so sad.