Forgiveness

I have been sure that I would not be able to forgive my parents. Mistakes were made in the past. Those mistakes have cost me heart ache and have worked to fuel my depression and anxiety these past three years after a breakdown... These days, though, I have been going to a lot of therapy. And I feel a change. This past weekend my dad and his wife came to our house for lunch. Did he say all the wrong things? Yeah. Did he shut me down every time I wanted to say something? Yeah. He was in one of his moods, and he and his wife both drove me nuts. This morning I talked to my mom. Did she have her issues that she's had forever? Yes. Still, I can see forgiveness on the horizon. And I am thinking... how much of forgiveness has to due with our own psychological boundaries. As I am able to erect these boundaries between myself and my parents it feels easier to say, "this is how they are, they continue to drive me nuts but I can protect myself. It doesn't effect me as much as it used to -- I can watch it happen and stand outside of it." In the past, I had never been able to even talk back to my dad. At least this time when he said, "you've gained weight" I was able to snap back, "you're not supposed to say that to anyone."

Sounds like you are learning some good things in therapy. I think the more we learn about ourselves the better we are able to relate to others. Everyone is flawed and no one, even parents, can give another what they want and need; that's what Life is about, learning what we ourselves want and need and going after it. I'm glad your parents don't bother you as much as they have in the past.

YES!! this is what I have just discovered too. except I didn't know how to put into words as you have so eloquently done. thank you for sharing this-- it is HUGE! (IMO)

Sounds like you are doing so much great work with your therapy. Good for you in showing your dad that you respect yourself and therefore ask for nothing less of others.

if I could I'd like to give all those that work so hard at this a trophy-- they so deserve it--
to you-- a true champion.

fins

Congratulations on your hard work, Elana05. I wish you the best.

This means so much to me, fins. Thank you. I feel like I have been through the wringer.

Elana,

Excellent work. I got to that stage and was very happy though my mum redoubled her efforts and I simply and very liberatingly walked away. Things are not my fault just because I have mental illness. My life is healthier than anyone's in my ex family. Keep up the great work,

Loving thoughts,

Rhi