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#1
Jul 28, 2010, 10:28 PM
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my husband is ok to spend $ 40,000 on new boat for his enjoyment but not $ 3,000 for air conditioning for the house for me. I have a really hard time sleeping at night in the humid hot weather and am exhausted the next day due to lack of sleep. Any advice would be helpful. My husband always has the last word on big ticket items. Thanks.
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#2
Jul 28, 2010, 10:46 PM
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Hello cma,
Well if I were you I'd be telling him It's too hot to cook It's too hot to do housework of any kind It's too hot for sex I NEED AN AIRCONDITIONER! I feel really sorry for you because from what I've heard it is powerfully hot up there at the moment and you really need some conisderation... Best of luck with this, Rhiannon
__________________
 Peace, the deep imperturbable peace is right there within you, quieten the mind and slow the heart and breathe...breathe in the perfume of the peace rose and allow it to spread throughout your mind body and senses...it can only benefit you and those you care about...I care about you |
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#4
Jul 29, 2010, 02:55 PM
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I guess, if I had a husband like yours, I would present the idea the house will be worth more with air conditioning, will be more "modern" and sell for more money (unlike his boat which will lose value).
If you have a medical condition that makes air conditioning a good choice, I'd ask my doctor to write a "prescription" for one :-) I had a doctor that wrote I needed a heat lamp (for my shoulder ache) on a prescription pad and amused heck out of my husband. Maybe you can get a doctor's help and your husband will listen to him/her?
__________________
"Never give a sword to a man who can't dance." ~Confucius |
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#5
Jul 30, 2010, 01:27 AM
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Quote:
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Don't ever give up on yourself! |
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#6
Jul 30, 2010, 01:41 AM
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Take the spark plugs outta the boat. When the boat doesn't start, he will be more prepared to negotiate. You just gotta get his attention first. Good luck!
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#7
Jul 30, 2010, 02:14 AM
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Quote:
__________________
Peace, the deep imperturbable peace is right there within you, quieten the mind and slow the heart and breathe...breathe in the perfume of the peace rose and allow it to spread throughout your mind body and senses...it can only benefit you and those you care about...I care about you |
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#8
Aug 02, 2010, 06:41 PM
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Hi , Thanks everybody for your insightful advice. I know i need to get more assertive over things that are important to me but i hate to rock the boat as it cayses heck around the house. It's been a 25 year thing and i'm just starting to get tired of it all and starting (or trying to ) rebel. Thanks again
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#9
Aug 03, 2010, 01:40 AM
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Growth is a process, not a destination. Keep trying and don't give up. I know you are tired of it, I can understand if he has worn you down. That is a long time to live without some financial control. What else do you not have control over in your marriage?
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#10
Aug 03, 2010, 04:09 AM
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Quote:
Do you have a bank account of your own? if not make one! and save some for air conditioner and buy one. Keep at as a secret untill the company comes to install it! THEN he will see that he cannot **** with you! he is not the boss any more! 
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#11
Aug 03, 2010, 10:05 PM
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There are many things i don;t over money being the the most important to him. We have 4 sons agrd 18 to 25. I have stayed home to raise them but always made sure i made money to help out. I did home day care for 15 years and then started a home organizing business as the hours were flexible and i wanted to be available for my kids if they were sick or had a school trip etc. I did everything for them as my husband didn't get that involved.5 years ago i asked him if i could go back to school to become a veterinary technician, he said there was no money fot that and that i was only thinking of myself what about him and the kids. The brakes (abs ) on my van have been broken for 3 yesrs he keeps patching them up but they break again abd he won't put the money out to take it in to fix them properly, it is so frustrating.
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#12
Aug 04, 2010, 06:39 PM
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The next time the brakes go out, ask your husband why he only thinks of himself and not how you and the kids could be injured or worse because of brake failure. For him to spend all that money on a boat while being unwilling to spend money for a safe vehicle says a lot about his priorities.
For the most part, can you say you have a good marriage? |
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#13
Aug 04, 2010, 07:31 PM
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Thanks Byzantine, you're absolutely right about the safety of the vehicle. Do i have a good marriage? I don;t feel i can be my own person. Everything has to go through him first. For the first 20 years of marriage he was both emotionally and verbally abusive. It;s only been the last 5 years that things have been a little better but i still don't like his outbursts of anger and his quick tongue. You may ask why do i stay, i ask myself that all the time. I really do see he's trying to make an effort but to me i feel money is more important than i am. Who puts money before their family's safety. I have been very passive in the past as i didn't want to rock the boat and i didn't want my kids to hear fighting all the time. I made a huge mistake staying for them as they have been witness to their mother being verbally abused and one of them is starting to treat me the same way. Children learn what they live, i know that now but i did the best i could at the time, parenting doesn't come with a manual unfortunately. I have lost respect for my husband which is eroding into any love i had for him. The comment that he said to me recently really opened my eyes as to how he felt about me and what i'd been to thye family. We were taling about anxiety and he said well you've never had anxiety in your life you've never had to worry about where your next meal is coming from or where the mortgage payment is ciming from. What about all the worry i had when the kids were sick, when they needed to get to a 6am hockey practice and the stress from his verbal abuse. It made me realize that he only considers it important if it has to do with money....SICK
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#14
Aug 09, 2010, 02:14 PM
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In many cases it's difficult to make changes. You are at least aware of the issues and what you don't like and what you do want. All you need now is faith in yourself, a good support system and an action plan. You deserve to be happy and he is not more important than you.
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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