is he asking the impossible?

about two years ago my husband told me he no longer loved me. we're still together, we sleep in the same bed, though at opposite ends. i rely on his job for it's insurance to get mental health and prescription coverage.

this weighs heavy on my mind, as i love him very much and pine for him and our lost marriage daily.

finally, at the prompting of my psychiatrist, i asked my husband straight out, "what do i have to do to make you love me again?"

his response was "Recover."

my illness is permanent, i can manage it with therapy and medication and keeping myself busy, but it's forever.

is he asking the impossible of me?

I feel for you, you are in a tough situation.

What does he mean by "Recover"? Does it mean "be different"? "Be someone else"?

Maybe recovery is a life long process. Maybe you are in recovery already. If you are relatively stable, does that count to him? Or is he wanting you to be someone you are not?

Your situation is a sad one. Your therapist should know better than to get you to ask him how you can "make" him love you again...no one can make anyone love them.

But it also tells me that it is a control situation not a lack of love. He just wants you to be his version of normal; whatever that is.

You are unable to simply recover from mental illness it's a complex road of medication, therapy and continual awareness of your feelings and thoughts and moods. As CedarS commented you can't be someone you are not and you can't just manifest a cure for mental illness, that is why we have symptoms, so we know we have it. But if you are not feeling any symptoms then maybe you are in remission?

There is lots of help and support here cydniey and people will help as much as they can; only you however can decide whether this is a control issue or someone who genuinely does not understand mental illness and its vageries,

Loving thoughts,

Rhia

Cydniey, I don't think it is healthy to be living with someone who has said they do not love you. I understand his work and health insurance are important to you now but I think you should be trying to set up your own household and move on with your life. You cannot "recover" if you stay focused on someone else and subservient to their life and livelihood.

I don't know how you met your husband and the two of you got together, but I suspect you were more independent and living your own life then. I imagine that is what your husband is wishing for, that you go toward the things you desire and that are important to you, are "self" supporting (whether through applying for disability or whatever) rather than merely depending on him and allowing a negative status quo to be "enough".

May you do what has to be done to get back on the path that leads to a meaningful life, cydniey.

Honestly I think it was unfair of him to tell you the way to get his love back was to recover. That was insensitive.