[El-ahrairah]

I try so hard to understand... what am I doing wrong?
I can't see what I'm doing wrong that makes my bf so mad at me.

He told me hes absolutely miserable ever since we started going out.
I listen best I can I am submissive and fun and I am starting to share my feelings. I don't get it I love him more than I love myself wtf am I doing wrong?????????? I please him the best I can too. sexually.. I'm not* good at sex but I try, I don't even ****ing like sex i was ****ing molested once by some asshole . i dont ****ing get it argh i wanna die so badly i think about it all the time i dont even kniw why im here.

[Perna]

It doesn't sound like it's you, Bakery! Other people can be or make themselves miserable all by themselves, without our help?

[El-ahrairah]

Originally Posted by Perna

It doesn't sound like it's you, Bakery! Other people can be or make themselves miserable all by themselves, without our help?

I try to think that because I know no ones controls others than themselves'.
But I don't understand, I thought I was doing everything right. However I know I am self destructive unless I hide in my old reality. So now it's at the point where I don't know what is really happening and what's not... I feel so lost....

[Perna]

I thought it a little laughable that he said he's miserable since you all started going out; why then is he still going out with you? It doesn't sound to me like he has any more clues than you do as to why he's uncomfortable. I think you should suggest counseling for him or both of you?

[El-ahrairah]

Originally Posted by Perna

I thought it a little laughable that he said he's miserable since you all started going out; why then is he still going out with you? It doesn't sound to me like he has any more clues than you do as to why he's uncomfortable. I think you should suggest counseling for him or both of you?

that sounds liek agood idea, I duno if I can afford it however...
He said hes with me cause he loves me but hes running low on that and doesn't think it's worth his time to keep trying and I'm on my last try... I dont even know what im doing wrong D; I've been faithful I listen and try any and everything he wants to do...

Im so self sacrificing but apparently im doin it wrong D;

[Soul Quake]

Have you asked him what is causing this misery?

[50guy]

Maybe he needs mental help. He may be deflecting his low esteem off on you and making it sound like you are the problem when it is actually him.

Why do you want to be with someone who is so miserable?

[CedarS]

Originally Posted by The Bakery

that sounds liek agood idea, I duno if I can afford it however...
He said hes with me cause he loves me but hes running low on that and doesn't think it's worth his time to keep trying and I'm on my last try... I dont even know what im doing wrong D; I've been faithful I listen and try any and everything he wants to do...

Im so self sacrificing but apparently im doin it wrong D;

This sounds abusive to me. He blames you because he himself feels miserable? He blames you for his misery? Does he expect you to read his mind and then magically fulfill his every wish?

You can't read his mind and you should not be expected to.

You've used the word "submissive", are you in a D/s relationship, he supposedly being dominant? If so, that doesn't excuse his behavior and poor treatment of you.

A D/s relationship needs to work well for both parties. He says it isn't working for him and he is treating you badly. Takes two to tango, this is his responsibility too.

Even if (and maybe especially) you identify as a submissive you get to have healthy boundaries. You get to have a healthy self esteem and be free of mental and emotional abuse.

Maybe he is enjoying how he is treating you. That is yucky. You aren't enjoying this, this isn't working for you, I hope you listen to your instincts and refuse to allow him to put you down any further.

Abuse is abuse. Couples playing around with power dynamics need to be especially mindful of this fact.

[El-ahrairah]

Originally Posted by 50guy

Maybe he needs mental help. He may be deflecting his low esteem off on you and making it sound like you are the problem when it is actually him.

maybe... he seems like he has so much self esteem, hes always talking about something he has accomplished ... i duno today he was so nice... i duno wtf is going on anymore...

[El-ahrairah]

Originally Posted by CedarS

This sounds abusive to me. He blames you because he himself feels miserable? He blames you for his misery? Does he expect you to read his mind and then magically fulfill his every wish?

You can't read his mind and you should not be expected to.

You've used the word "submissive", are you in a D/s relationship, he supposedly being dominant? If so, that doesn't excuse his behavior and poor treatment of you.

A D/s relationship needs to work well for both parties. He says it isn't working for him and he is treating you badly. Takes two to tango, this is his responsibility too.

Even if (and maybe especially) you identify as a submissive you get to have healthy boundaries. You get to have a healthy self esteem and be free of mental and emotional abuse.

Maybe he is enjoying how he is treating you. That is yucky. You aren't enjoying this, this isn't working for you, I hope you listen to your instincts and refuse to allow him to put you down any further.

Abuse is abuse. Couples playing around with power dynamics need to be especially mindful of this fact.

I am going to try to work on my assertiveness ;c

[CedarS]

Originally Posted by The Bakery

maybe... he seems like he has so much self esteem, hes always talking about something he has accomplished ... i duno today he was so nice... i duno wtf is going on anymore...

Bragging about how much he has accomplished doesn't necessarily = self esteem.

You don't know wtf is going on anymore because he is keeping you guessing and then blaming you when you don't magically read his mind.

His behavior sounds crazy making.

The fact that he is sometimes mean and then sometimes nice is not a good sign.

cycle of violence

[RomanSunburn]

I agree with what has already been said -- this sounds like an extremely unhealthy relationship, but you are not to blame. I'm also curious, as some else posted, has he told you what he wants you to do differently or why he is so miserable? I'm leaning towards the whole projection theory on this one....

Good luck, Bakery! Make sure you're taking care of yourself.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

I really have to agree with CedarS here. Calm yourself down look at it all again and if you know you're not doing anything wrong why take the wrap for it? There's submissive and there's emotionally masochistic,

Rhia

[El-ahrairah]

Originally Posted by RomanSunburn

I agree with what has already been said -- this sounds like an extremely unhealthy relationship, but you are not to blame. I'm also curious, as some else posted, has he told you what he wants you to do differently or why he is so miserable? I'm leaning towards the whole projection theory on this one....

Good luck, Bakery! Make sure you're taking care of yourself.

Thank you, the other day he was in a good mood so I asked what I can do right to fix things, he said I'm a good gf and I can be when I try, but he asks me to do little things and I don't do them or listen so it makes him feel like while he is willing to do anything, I can't even do something small and that hurts his feelings alot.

[El-ahrairah]

Originally Posted by CedarS

Bragging about how much he has accomplished doesn't necessarily = self esteem.

You don't know wtf is going on anymore because he is keeping you guessing and then blaming you when you don't magically read his mind.

His behavior sounds crazy making.

The fact that he is sometimes mean and then sometimes nice is not a good sign.

cycle of violence

He does have problems, He had a violent childhood full of abuse so he's probably bad with his emotions ;c.

He can be so touchy

[Perna]

Originally Posted by The Bakery

I love him more than I love myself

That's what you are doing wrong. You have to love yourself in order to love another well, it can't be done the other way around. Other people are in charge of themselves and their lives/feelings, you can't do his job for him.

[CedarS]

Originally Posted by The Bakery

He does have problems, He had a violent childhood full of abuse so he's probably bad with his emotions ;c.

He can be so touchy

But a violent childhood full of abuse is no excuse, right?

He has absolutely no excuse, no good reason to treat you or anyone else badly.

Part of the pattern of an abuser is to blame others.

He can lash out at others, then kiss and make up, then create tension once again, continuing the abuse cycle round and round. He can have all sorts of explanations as to why he is supposedly a special case that must be treated like a king. Do you end up feeling like you have to walk on eggshells and make sure they never break or make the slightest bit of sound? Do you feel like you can't keep up with his mysterious demands and that surely something must be wrong with you?

He can continue this pattern or he could man up and get some help. He could get some therapy. My guess is he needs to participate in some anger management classes too. If he is so special and sensitive and wounded from his childhood shouldn't he live by himself til he gets stable?

Cause life isn't fair so the fact that his childhood wasn't fair is no excuse for him treating you badly.

Do you get enough time and space for your own thoughts and peace of mind? If not I encourage you to take time and space for yourself. Center your life around yourself, not the whims of a bully.

I probably sound passionate here, cause I feel for you and am concerned. And I especially hate when folks use their challenging childhood as an excuse to abuse others.

This guy is trouble and you seem to have self-worth issues, The Bakery. Submitting to your friend will not stop the constant criticism. You are the one that will get hurt.

[El-ahrairah]

This is all so much to take in. I am able to get time to myself. I'll think long and hard and see what I can do... this subject gives me such a head ache and you are all right, it's just so much to take in...

Good luck getting this resolved, The Bakery.

[El-ahrairah]

Originally Posted by TheByzantine

Good luck getting this resolved, The Bakery.

thanks so much