[dreamofpeace]

BR COKEN RELATIONSHIP WITH SON, can anyone adivise what to do, son has broken off relationship with his family, no one really knows why, accused his dad and I of not letting him go to university, did not approve of his wife etc, none of which is true, we dont understand we used to be so close, but he has become more withdrawn, also know that him and his wife have started going to swingers clubs wife swapping etc, so heartbroken he was our world, have slowly been stopped from seeing our grandchildren which is heartbreaking as we used to see them everyday, but are not really part of their lives anymore, his brothers and sisters are so upset, he is the oldest of six and always been a great big brother, I sent him a letter with his birthday card, telling him how much he and his family mean to us and we will never stop loving him, and how sorry we are if we got things wrong, as we dont know what we have done we would love to talk to him to try to put things right, but we got no response, everyday is like a greivingday, somedays I just cry all day, as I lost my mum when I was 17 and feel the same pain over my son, but I am grieving for him in a different way, my mum fought to stay with us, my son has chosen to leave our lives whilst we are still alive and that hurts to much any advise on what to do next to heal our relationship of deal with the grief we be most welcome.

I feel I have lost a son too, he is in and out of prison and nothing like my other children. I too have six children. He blames me for everything and anything he can think of then he is is nice to me and acts like nothing is wrong.

I really wish I had some good advice to give you but I dont.

I just wanted you to know you are not alone...

[Ygrec23]

Dear dreamofpeace and Tishie,

I had a brother (he's dead now) who was in a way like your sons, in and out of prisons and mental hospitals, a drug addict, blamed everything on our parents, was as nasty as possible to everyone in the family. I lived with that for years and years. My impression is that such people are almost beyond reach. They don't learn anything from their psychiatrists, T's, imprisonments, stays in hospital. All you can do (and I think it's a lot) is make sure, make absolutely sure, that they know that if they're willing to treat people decently, the door is open for them to come back and to be welcomed. No money gifts, no loans, no drugs, as long as they can live with those standards then they can visit anytime. And be welcomed, and treated well.

There's nothing you can do to change them permanently. Nothing at all. Some people are like that. They're the cuckoos in the nest. They inherited the wrong genes that exist within their parents. All people have such genes. Not all people give those genes to their children. It's just a matter of chance. Like having a child who is autistic or schizophrenic or leukemic. And I'm sure it just kills you because you love them so much. Most lives include some such tragedy. Not necessarily poisonous children. Could be a hundred other things. This is one of the reasons people believe in God. I won't go into that further because it's not allowed here. Take care.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

All you can do (and I think it's a lot) is make sure, make absolutely sure, that they know that if they're willing to treat people decently, the door is open for them to come back and to be welcomed. No money gifts, no loans, no drugs, as long as they can live with those standards then they can visit anytime. And be welcomed, and treated well.

Very well said Ygrec

[GrownNsexiMo]

Originally Posted by dreamofpeace

BR COKEN RELATIONSHIP WITH SON, can anyone adivise what to do, son has broken off relationship with his family, no one really knows why, accused his dad and I of not letting him go to university, did not approve of his wife etc, none of which is true, we dont understand we used to be so close, but he has become more withdrawn, also know that him and his wife have started going to swingers clubs wife swapping etc, so heartbroken he was our world, have slowly been stopped from seeing our grandchildren which is heartbreaking as we used to see them everyday, but are not really part of their lives anymore, his brothers and sisters are so upset, he is the oldest of six and always been a great big brother, I sent him a letter with his birthday card, telling him how much he and his family mean to us and we will never stop loving him, and how sorry we are if we got things wrong, as we dont know what we have done we would love to talk to him to try to put things right, but we got no response, everyday is like a greivingday, somedays I just cry all day, as I lost my mum when I was 17 and feel the same pain over my son, but I am grieving for him in a different way, my mum fought to stay with us, my son has chosen to leave our lives whilst we are still alive and that hurts to much any advise on what to do next to heal our relationship of deal with the grief we be most welcome.

I mean just try talking to him and tell him how u feel

[angelbud]

If only he realized what a terrible waste of precious time this situation is having for you all. Unfortunately, as much as we think we do, we never really know our children and sometimes their behaviour can come as a total shock when it's not what we might have expected from them. Acceptance of the situation is too hard, but maybe learning to live with it and deal with the grief might help.