[cms39]

Hi all. I haven't been here in a while and I know my name may be unfamiliar to most here. Someone might know me though.

I just wanted to make a post about something that bothers me (in real life). I have a great family. I feel supported and loved there. However, I also have in-laws (my husband's family)

I am just dumfounded as to why these people, who invite me to a party, like to ignore me. We got to the party (at a late time because we were told the wrong time and only a day before). I really wasn't in the mood to go to it, but we did our best to be there because we felt we should go. I made myself a plate of food and asked my sister-in-law if I may sit with her, but she ignored me. I then went to another table and asked another sister-in-law if I could sit with her and was again ignored. It makes me SO mad to be ignored. SO I went outside on a chair and ate (there were others outside too). Then I began to complain loudly that I always get ignored. AND everyone ignored this. I just don't get it. Why am I so unimportant??

Later, I had a chance to talk to a sister-in-law who I like. We had a nice chat. But I send her emails and she doesn't respond.

[cms39]

I have another sister-in-law who has a habit of ignoring me - even if I am saying her name VERY loudly to try to get her attention. Once, I tried to say at least "bye" to her when I attended her daughter's graduation party - to be polite - and she wouldn't stop talking to someone else who was not even in the family! She never said "boo" to me the entire time. BUT they took our gift.

[h0kie]

I remember you too.

Honestly...my only response to these people's behavior is to sink to their level and ignore them. But that's not really healthy. I wouldn't make as much of an effort anymore, after all, it works both ways.

Whatever you decide I wish you luck. Please don't let rude people get to you.

my take on it, is don't give them your power. that's what is happening, as it frustrates and hurts you, and it sounds to me, as if they aren't worth it. they sound like a rude and inconsiderate lot. and i remember you.....xoxo pat

[curley]

I do not understand why your family would invite you if they did not want your company. That makes no sense. Did they think it would be fun for them to ignore you? I am so sorry that your family is treating you this way. To me family is just that "Family"! Family is for support and Love and encouragement and all those things that help a person know they are loved. I can not think of a single reason to do this to you. For your own sanity, I would nicely decline any offers to spend time with them. Tell them you are busy. They do not deserve your company.

[seeker1950]

Hi, Cms39,
You were describing my former inlaws while I was married. Never included in conversations, and if I tried to interject anything, it was ignored. Most comments directed toward me were insulting. My then husband was oblivious to it, and after 10 or so years of it, a lightbulb finalliy came on and I realized I didn't have to subject myself to them anymore. I simply declined to go on visits, which were frequent ,though they lived 6 hours away.
We had been divorced 4 years, when I saw the inlaws again at my daughter's wedding. The were gushing all over me....and ignoring my exhusband's new wife! What a bunch, LOL!
I'd suggest you detach from these toxic in laws and, as Faye so wisely says, don't give them the power to upset you!
Happy thoughts,
seeker Patty

[cms39]

Thank you, all of you. In my case, Seeker, they ignore my husband just as much as they ignore me, so I guess it's something I inherited with marrying HIM. I have talked with some of them, on an individual basis, and they all have feelings of inadequacy in some way. There were a LOT of kids in the family and I guess none of them really felt loved. There is a definite shortage of love in that family.

I prefer spending time with MY family and so does my husband. They are not perfect, but there is love.

[Myzen]

Hi cms,

I remember you too. Gosh, you're well remembered around here!

I would like to add to other's posts here. I've had the same thing, but unfortunately it wasn't my in laws it was my own birth family (which I feel is a worse scenario).

My view is that the longer you hang around people who are ignoring you the more likely you are to end up angry and hurting. I would say to just let them go, mix with people who value you, and don't spend any time thinking about those who don't.

Whatever you do, dont 'wish it different' for that just makes for misery. Look at the situation realistically, be polite if they contact you, but don't go sucking on a stone. There are plenty of people who will value you and pay attention to you with an open heart.

Good thoughts, Myzen

[pimprenelle]

I can relate to that. I hate it when people simply ignore me. When it's family it is a bit tough to handle. Otherwise, I just do the same.
I have been told by a friend that I am very good at ignoring people BUT I ignore people I don't like and I don't invite them to parties. I know a few people who invited me to rock the boat but they were not interested in me. In that case, I see if I benefit from the event and consider it as a exchange. If I don't benefit from it, I don't go. Don't go to your sister-in-laws next party. See her reaction. Force her to come to you and ask you. If she doesn't, forget her at least for a while.
If she invites you again, I would smile and tell her in a friendly but certain manner that you have another invitation and that anyway, she has so many guests, she won't even notice you are not here. But don't say that in a reproachful or complaining manner. Say it as if you were trying to comfort HER. "OK, next time, I will do my best to come. Promise! Kissy kissy. Nice dress ! Bye !".
I just noticed that a childhood friend of mine answers my e-mails only if she can display some knowledge. Otherwise she feels inferior because she is very complexed. Not knowing increases this feeling. So actually her "indifference" is a compliment to me !!! Crazy, no ?

It is hard to tell why people ignore you. It can be for many reasons : indifference, jealousy, momentary distraction, shyness but it is definitely not because you are not interesting. People have their own agenda. You have to find out on a case by case basis. Just ask directly if you feel they will give you an honest answer. Some people will not be honest, others will. And hey, if not, there are people out there who will show interest and if you start ignoring your former friends/sister-in-law, they may very well start to wake up.

[cms39]

The question now is how to handle holiday invitations. I certainly don't want to go to a party and get hurt by their actions. I don't need that. I've thought about doing volunteer work on Christmas and tell them we are and so we can't join them. They have this tradition of drawing names and writing a poem for that person. It takes HOURS to go through and people get drunker and drunker and louder as the hours pass. Do we tell them just leave us out of the draw at Thanksgiving?

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

I feel for you....I wonder what your husband has to say about this? To you and to them?

I think you have a great idea on doing volunteer work.....maybe have hubby come with and he can help too..Once they see he is behind you and you two will not take that %#@&#! maybe it will stop...and maybe not but you won't be spending anymore time at these crappy parties with their game of emotional abuse going on

AND you can feel good about helping someone on a holiday

[cms39]

Oh he definitely would prefer doing volunteer work than spend time with his own family. He's had it too.

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

CMS sounds like you have your answer a way to ditch the hell of mean or rude people and have a decent holiday yourselves

[jmo531]

(((((((((((((((((CMS)))))))))))))))

I remember you also. Great to see you.

I am sorry your having these issues with your inlaws. I agree with what the others have said here. You and your husband should not put yourself in the position to be ignored. Neither of you deserve such treatment. When invited to a family gathering, I would politly decline and leave it at that. No need to make excuses. Maybe in time they will get the picture.

Huggles,

Jen