[eskielover]

I have finally taken the first step toward our California "dissolution of marriage" today. Hoping things go as simple as they sound like they will....never know how the other person is going to take it when it comes down to the reality of things. A lot of figuring to do & paperwork to fill out.....got it extended by 2 days because I have my Dressage horse show this coming Sunday & will be working out rather hard getting ready for that.

I already have a page of questions for him. He was the one my psychologist suggested going to......funny, his daughter is a dressage rider too.....living in Colorado where my daughter is. Who knows, I might end up back in Colorado in the long run where horse property is a lot less expensive then here in LA California.

For some reason, I feel a relief that I have hired someone to take care of the details & let me know what I need to do so I don't look like a Jerk in front of the judge. My husband is getting some of the benefit since he won't (& cant) afford a lawyer of his own. He can't help my husband other than to provide him with the paperwork that needs to be filled out. For some reason, I thought I would be more nervous about this than what I am, but there is quite a feeling of relief at this point.

Debbie

Take good care of yourself through all of this...and keep us updated please.

(((( Debbie ))))

[Artist]

California makes it easy. It is community property State, everything gained in the marriage gets divided up equal. You could look into hiring a Mediator rather than lawyer. Mediator would in Just aiding you in making agreements. Good luck ,Divorce no matter how it is done still is not easy.

[SeptemberMorn]

Debbie, above all, take care of YOU. Sounds like you're doing good.

I know that feeling of relief! Feels good to "get out from under," doesn't it?

You know I'm here for you if you ever need to talk or just get away for a day, ok? I'll be able to make firmer plans in the next day or two. Keep us posted.

Take care of YOU.

[eskielover]

Petunia, Artist, Tomi,

Thank you all for your supportive posts. I appreciate it very much. Yes, california is "no fault" "dissolution of marriage" "community property" except for what I have gained through the estate of my grandmother, my settlement from workmans comp, & my Mothers estate. It complicates things a little because I have to account for those $ amounts & prove what things I acquired using the money. The rest is rather simple.....only asset is the house.....debt beyond all recognition......sale of house is going to pay off debt & what is left over is payed back the amount I am paying out of the estate right now to keep things going....then divided 50/50. But we have had things for so long, that their value is so small.

I have been thinking about this for so long that is kinda feels funny to actually do something about it (taking the first step). He seems to be ok with it so far & willing to sit down with my lawyer & talk it all out. He thinks of something & puts his thinking on how it is to be handled. I told him that the law determines how it is to be handled not him.....it may go the way he thinks maybe not.....what is, is, whether he likes it or not.

I told him he is probably going to come out better with my having a lawyer than if we delt with it ourselves & things didn't get handled & I just went away with things. He is probably going to get more than he actually thinks. It blows my mind that he thinks he is going to be able to pay the homeowners fees for out vacation condo which he wants 1 week of. He can't even qualify for an appartment....let alone have enough left over to pay for fun stuff.

It is a given.....I get all the animals.....wondering if there is going to have to be visitation rights.....lol......wouldn't doubt it if he is living anywhere close to me. Don't know if they are considered assets but only breeding my horses.....but the outcome isn't guaranteed anyway in order to estimate future income from them. My lawyer asked me to write down questions when they come up. I already had over a page of questions that came from internet research, when I saw him the first time.....they will get answered later.....along with many more I am sure will come up.

I know my pdoc was right when he said I was going to exchange one set of stresses for another, but I think the relief is going to far outweigh the stress.

Thanks again,
Debbie

[wisewoman]

wow Eskie, good luck. I hope it all goes well.