Do you need a lawyer to figure out the financial issues?

I have been wondering how to split everything up....being that my move is to KY from the California house....the only things I want are the things I purchased with inheritance money that was mine (not ours). With a 5 bedroom house....we accumulated furniture & a lot of stupid collectibles that aren't worth a dime...but he thought we always had to buy one for us & one for collection....just in case if would become valuable.....(the story of his life).

There is no IRA money left after all the medical expenses we have had. He has a retirement from one company he worked for....not much per month....but it will be some when he starts to take it. I had no retirement plans at any company I worked for. All we mostly have is the house.

What I really would like to have happen is that when we get the refi.....he will be able to give me my 1/2 out of that & then take it over.....the scarry part is that he is so irresonsible...I know he will end up loosing it......besides, he doesn't want the house either......but I figure he gets it...he can stay there while he is selling it & that will allow the divorce to happen quicker than if I'm stuck waiting for the house to sell......I just want out & I can't take much more of his pathetic irresponsible lack of actions.....everytime he does anything, it's pathetically irresponsible & my response it that of disgust & anger.....even with 2200 miles between us.

I don't know how to do a divorce from this far away either.....it seems that might complicate things too.

I know there was a previous post about separating things financially....just was wondering if anyone else has some input on the financial aspect of divorce

Debbie

You really need to contact a lawyer for this type of advice because each state has different "rules". It will determined by which state the divorce is filed. And if you are considered a Kentucky resident or California resident. Some states you have to live in a minimun of 6 weeks to be considered as a resident. Some longer.

With most lawyers you can get a "free" consultation session. Be sure and write down all the questions that you have to make the best of your time because the next time believe me it WON'T be free. This will also allow you time to decide if you can trust this lawyer and want to contract with that person. I do recommend that you not sign a contract on the first visit. Just tell the lawyer that you need to digest the information that was provided and you will contact them again within a week. Go home and "think" about what all is said in the session and allow yourself time to go through the information clearly to make sure you understand the terms. Also, check online as to whether what the lawyer told you is correct information or go to the local library in the law section and research for yourself. Lawyers are "salesmen" in the court. They can lie better than anyone. The better the sell, they more they get. Also, the more informed you are the better outcome for you. And at this point, they idea is to get out with what you actually want.

You MUST know what your legal rights are BEFORE you do anything. You might be surprised in the information that you collect. Just because someone says it doesn't mean that it will be that way. That is why there are divorce laws. Consider a contract "by the hour" fee vs. a "blanket" percentage fee. You need to know how many actual hours are spent on the case with a full disclosure of itemized costs and also the lawyer will work faster if they know they are working by the hour clock and will only get paid when they actually work. Some lawyers will take a case with a percentage down and then just sit on the case and drag it out because they are busy on other cases. It is a system to get "cash flow" when they can to stay afloat and cover expenses. If there is a law school in your area, you might want to consider talking to one of the Professors and ask questions (not get legal advice) about how fees are done in Kentucky, etc. Ask around about a good lawyer if you don't have one. The best way to do that is get to know the secretaries in the courthouse and get their comments or ask people you know and when the same name keeps coming up.......that will be the person you should look up and get records on from the courthouse as to how they handled other divorce cases. Every court case has to be filed as "public record" and anyone can go and ask to read them because they are public record. You would be amazed to know what you can find out at the courthouse if you just had time.

I say all this because it is important for your future financially as well as emotionally that this is handled professionally and in your best interest as you will have many years ahead to be prepare for and might need every dime you can invest now. I know in California that everyting is split down the middle regardless if you have been married for a certain time period.

I want to wish you the best as you inspired me to start thinking and planning myself. I am in a situation a lot like yours but there are a lot of assests involved and I would have to move out of state too. I have about 5 years before I can retire though so I may not be as lucky to get out as quick. But I am taking "planning" steps to learn and figure out what is best for me too. He will not give me a dime before the court orders him too so I have to be able to be financially independant for at least a year.

Best wishes in your quest and I wish you much success!

My husband and I found a great woman lawyer who is also a CPA. Makes things really nice.

But I would maybe see an accountant or someone like that and get an "idea" of how things should fall then talk to a lawyer about how to get it in writing that sticks.

For my husband's divorce, he figured out what he wanted. Each party has their own lawyer pretty much. Your husband needs to find one for his own interests if you're actually going to divorce him. I don't think you can divide things up and then have a lawyer say, "this is how it will be, the way eskielover decided and not-to-bright husband agreed" :-)

eskielover, I recommend seeing a lawyer and talking about the different types of divorces. Depending on what type you choose, the involvement of the lawyer will be different. The more you and your husband can work out on your own, the less time and money will go to the lawyers. However, you need to know your rights, all the legalities, etc.

Also, look into getting a Certified Divorce Financial Planner. This is a financial person who specializes in divorce. We have a person like this working on our case. My husband and I share his fees. Here is the website for their national site, and you can look up people in your own area there.
https://www.institutedfa.com/
Your financial person will assign a value to all of your assets, including houses (if jointly owned), and put some in your column and some in his. (This includes both retirement assets as well as other investments.) If you decide on a 50/50 split (it is not required that it be 50/50 in my state), then you can make sure each person's column adds up to the same amount. If there are things that were purchased with your inheritance and you can document that this was your money alone, you don't have to include these in your column. Make sure you have any pre-nup agreements handy.

Did you know that your husband's retirement savings are considered yours too? These can be split in your divorce settlement. You, as a couple, saved for retirement jointly, using his plan at his job. You are entitled to some of these. Do not let this slip away. A spouse's retirement savings can be partly redistributed to the other spouse in a financial action called a QDRO. You need a professional to do this for you.

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he will be able to give me my 1/2 out of that & then take it over.....the scarry part is that he is so irresonsible...I know he will end up loosing it

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">This shouldn't be a problem if you have a lawyer.

The lawyers in my area tend to work on an hourly rate. I gave my lawyer an initial retainer fee, and after that was used up, I went to paying her monthly bill.

I'm sure the internet will offer the legalities of two different States.

I wrote my own divorce agreement, financials etc.

Go to www.Suzeorman.org (might be .com) but she offers legal advice free with all state's information available.

Thank you lost89, perna, & sunrise,

I will definitely look into everything you all have spoken about. I have to go back to California to get everything moved.....including my horses......I will have to figure out where I have to file for the divorce from....whether California or KY......I can make a case for not being completely moved to KY yet.....& I can claim that I have been in KY for almost a year already....just not all moved in....kinda camping out....but whatever is the best for the situation, I am sure that I can make it work.

I had a lawyer several years ago....just ended up not going through with it & got all the money back.......my husband hates lawyers & doesn't want to get one....he wants mine to do all the work & I pay for it all.....typical for him. I think it's his way of resisting the divorce or something. There is just no way of telling where his mind is because I'm not sure he even has one right now.....like normal....he wants someone to do his thinking for him & do everything for him because he just can't figure out what to do.

I think you are right....he will loose everything that is his 1/2.....that is why I have suggested to the psychologist we have been going to that he push my husband into getting a trustee or conservator....or someone to handle all his money.....he is incapable of doing even the most simple thing these days.

I really only what some of the things cause I can't afford to move much to KY & most of everything that I am bring are things that have all come from inheritance or inheritance money....or money I got from a settlement.....the only thing left to really split is the house & his retirement....the few IRA's are almost = at this point...but I'm sure they will find loads of other things that actually have to be split that I don't even recognize as being there. It seems to get so complicated after 32 years of being married.......but there comes a point where one just has to get out & on with life.....so you just have to do what you have to do to make it work.

I appreciate the information about looking things up around the courthouse & finding out all the information before going to the lawyer......it really makes sense cause that's the only way or truely being in control of the situation....when you don't know something....that is usually when they find a way of taking advantage of the situation.

I appreciate all input....I would rather learn from others than make huge mistakes that I will regret later.

thank you,
Debbie

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eskielover said:
I appreciate the information about looking things up around the courthouse & finding out all the information before going to the lawyer......it really makes sense cause that's the only way or truely being in control of the situation....

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Debbie, by looking for info at the courthouse, you will get info on lawyers who litigate a lot. That is not necessarily an advantage in a divorce--it depends on what kind of divorce you want. One that features a lot of litigation is going to cost a lot! If that's what you favor, the courthouse might be a good source of information. But there are other options too, e.g. mediation and variations. Sometimes in mediation, the spouses do share one lawyer. I personally wouldn't want this, but maybe it would work for you. In mediation, you can also each have your own lawyer. (I am doing collaborative divorce, another divorce option, and it does not permit any litigation. We each have our own lawyer in this process.)

Actually, I have no idea what I even expected.....I just hoped to get everything split up as best as possible....after 32 years...& a house so full of junk, you can't even conceptualize putting a $ amount to everything & having to split it all up.....I only want a few things to move here to KY in the first place & really just want the financial split up of the house & any money that's laying around in accounts which isn't much after all the bills were paid.

I would be very happy if he could when we do the refi that I could just get my 1/2 & then he could just keep the house & sell it whenever he gets his act together. If I end up having to wait until the house sells.....that could be forever & I just really want out with a few things & the cash to finish my farm.

He is so messed up if I wait for him to figure everything out....that will be forever also. The last time I tried to figure out the $ amount to split up, I got so frustrated, I just gave up....& that's not going to happen this time....I really need some help on that & don't want to pay the sky high prices of a lawyer to help figure that out.

Debbie

one thing to think about is that if you file for the divorce it has to be done in Cali. If he files he has to do it in Ky. unless you can skirt the residency issue. then you would file in cali as well.

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eskielover said:
The last time I tried to figure out the $ amount to split up, I got so frustrated, I just gave up....& that's not going to happen this time....I really need some help on that & don't want to pay the sky high prices of a lawyer to help figure that out.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">Then go with the divorce financial advisor. Our financial person's hourly rate is about 2/3 of the lawyer's. Your financial professional will help you get all the assets listed on a spreadsheet. If you tell him which assets you want and which your H wants, then he can divide them up and work to make it come out 50/50.

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a house so full of junk, you can't even conceptualize putting a $ amount to everything & having to split it all up

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">This is not commonly done. In our divorce, it is simply listed as "belongings and furnishings -equitable split". No dollar amount is given. This way, it is up to the 2 spouses to decide what stuff in the house they will keep. You don't want to waste your time or your lawyer's on determining dollar value for everything. Just work with your spouse to take what seems fair--your clothes and sporting equipment, hobby stuff, pieces of furniture that are special to you, a china set whose pattern you really like, etc. If you don't want any of the furniture, fine, let him have it. You do not need to value this stuff or split it 50/50! (My H was only too glad to leave the houseful of junk with me.) The only exceptions would be for coins, gems, original valuable artwork, etc. The only pieces of property specifically valued in dollars in our settlement are our 3 cars. I got one, he got one, and the third we gave to our daughter. We also have listed in our settlement two diamond rings and a coin collection but did not assign dollar amounts. We just listed that the coins go "100%" to my H and the rings go "100%" to me. So don't worry about all the knick knacks and furniture unless these things are really valuable or if you really want one and your H does too and you cannot decide who gets it.

At that site Lemon recommended in another thread, there is a list of the 5 different ways to get a divorce and the approximate cost and length of time for each:
The Five Key Ways to Get a Divorce.