[merlin75]

I keep doubting myself. Im in a relation of 1 year and I've ended it (ended it yesterday). So I know I'm going through the greiving process and at the moment I just want to go back to him. We are talking and are still friends.

For some time I have doubted my partners feelings towards me are genuine. He loves my company, loves being around me and we loves doing just about everything together - all the things that would indicate someone really wanted to be with you, but there have been occasions where I've been left heavily in doubt.

I feel so petty writing this, because it sounds so petty when i say it.

He loves a program called Sparticus. I hate it. In my opinion it is heavy violence and soft pornography. The program is filled with sex, full frontal nudity (both men and women) and there have been scenes of 'gladiators' being commanded to have sex with 'slaves' for the gratification of their 'owners'. My boyfriend says he doesnt like that part but likes the sword fights and says he only watches it because he is waiting for it to "go somewhere." Most of the program contains sex scenes - none loving - all degrading and violent I feel.

I was raped by an ex boyfirend 10 years ago and the fact my current boyfirend likes to watch Sparticus tears me apart. I've spoken to him. I've explained why i feel so strongly. I have no right to ask him to stop watching it because he has every right to watch what he wants. I'd hoped he'd stop. I explained that for some reason in my head, I cant be with someone on an intimate level who can watch a program like that. and genuinely, i cant because I feel cheap. I nkow it's my issue and not his. He says "we" will work through it, but keeps watching the program and telling me he agrees with me that there is too much sex, but doesnt agree that the scenes are of rape. Perhaps I'm just hyper sensitive because i what has happened in the past - something i had councelling for. He says I'm over reacting to the program.

I love him so much and don't want to walk away (yes i know i have already ended it) but I'm regretting it and there perhaps is still time to go back.

I dont know if i'm even being rational or reasonable.

Any advice would be appreciated

that sounds like a really tough one. have you and your bf considered getting couples counseling? a third party might be able to bring a more objective perspective. personally, i don't think there is anything wrong with asking him to give up a program with that sort of violence/gratuitous sex toward women. it's his choice of course though whether or not to continue if you do ask him. i do hope you guys can figure something out.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Hello merlin75,

This is a difficult one because I know how you feel, having worked through such a situation I also know how the freedom from those reactions feels. But I think this goes a little further than your horrible rape and poor treatment.

I know how hard this is for you. He sees no problem with the sex because he is removed from it and sees it as it is a tv program; it's not real life.

You mentioned first up in your post though "soft porn" and "sex". Is that what bothers you the most? Is it the sexuality? and womens naked bodies that he is looking at?

I really feel for you in this; there is anger, rage, sadness and a feeling of being devalued as well. But just because he watches that doesn't mean he wants those women or that he wants to treat those women or especially treat you like that.

You may well be being hypersensitive but there is for you a valid reason and you need to be able to tell him the reasons and he understand them. You can make this go away and you will be at peace with watching sex on tv, not having it bother you.

I honestly don't think couples counselling is needed here. This is something you need to work on because it is an issue that bothers you not him. Yes he should understand your concerns, but should he stop watching something because you disapporove of it?

I'm happy to PM if you like?

I really hope you are able to sort this and not loose your loving relationship

out of curiosity i did a search on this game and it is clearly known to be one of the most sexually graphic and violent games out there. rape is definitely mentioned in the wiki in the list of character descriptions:

Slaves and employees in the household of Batiatus

Aurelia (Brooke Williams). Free Roman wife of Varro. Attempting to take care of their child after Varro sells himself as a gladiator, she is raped by an acquaintance. When Varro spurns her afterwards, she murders the rapist and they reconcile. After Varro's death at Spartacus' hand, she sells herself into slavery to see their child provided for. Seeking revenge upon Spartacus, she learns that the death was not his doing, but that of Numerius. During the rebellion, she kills the young Roman, while screaming for Varro.

Pietros (Eka Darville). Lover of Barca and slave of Batiatus. He dreams of freedom with Barca once enough money has been earned to buy their freedom. However, after Barca's demise, Pietros is left without a protector. Gnaeus soon begins raping Pietros, leading him to commit suicide.