[demolitionlover]

Since i lived in London with my ex, and after i left there to come here, i always thought i'd never live with her again.
She left me when i was 13, and i know it was the spark to everything i'm feeling now; forget the deaths, the constant moving, the migraines and everything else doesn't matter. It was all about her and me not having her.

I spoke with her on the phone today for the first time in a long while. I'm sure she gets annoyed because everytime we do talk it's all about how much further i've lowered myself into the pit of despair. I'm so selfish, i mean she's just had a baby, she can't give her attention to me.

She told me she can't help me until i am completely honest with her. So i told her.

I want a Mum.

I explained how she can't really give me attention with the baby, and she asked me if i wanted to go back to her.

I'm crying because, i'm happy. I get my mother back. She'll look after me and make me safe, and she'll give me all the motivation i need to be a real person.

I'll not need to sit in alone and cry over myself anymore.
I forgive her for running away; i understand she just wanted a new life, and i'm going to be properly part of it!

[seeker1950]

Hi, DEM,
I hope your reunion with your mother works out.
I have talked to you on PM, and I know you have some issues. I truly hope that this new start with your "MUM" will be a positive new beginning for both of you.
Healing thoughts,
Seeker

[Myzen]

Hi d.

My feeling is, go easy with your Mum, try not to put any pressure on at first. Maybe you could get a counsellor to talk things through with?

This could work out for you, if you can stay cool. I sincerely hope it works for you.

Good thoughts, M

[demolitionlover]

Argh i was so happy when i posted that, i didn't think about it correctly;

1) Daniel, despite his current attitude,and the band. He's going to hate me leaving.
2) Education; i'm half way through my course and i have re-takes for exams in January. This is my last chance for FREE education, and i can't simply transfer as it's a different system in Scotland.

Bugger.

And i better not have to traipse all my crap up on a coach.

[Myzen]

Hi d,

If you're feeling pressured you don't have to do anything immediately. Have you someone to talk to in 3d? Are you feeling lonely where you are at the moment?

Family stuff is so potent in our lives, and it is a big deal for all of us. An opportunity to be closer to your mother is an important thing. I hope you can find someone to help you work this out. Maybe just one step at a time?

Peaceful thoughts, M

[demolitionlover]

Okay- no i'm going. I spoke with my mother again today, and she agreed that maybe i'm not ready to do the education thing. Anyone can go to University these days, it means nothing. And she said if i want to do it in the future, for the sake of a career, then i will be supported.

She also said she'd bring her chair which she uses to feed the baby with downstairs so that i will be accessable and i'll not feel neglected.

Oh i can't wait to taste that Scottish air! It makes me so sleepy, sorts my sleeping problems right out!