definition of cheating

Bebop, it IS a two way street. You're not responsible for everything.

The usual disclaimer...I'm not in the mental health field nor professional counseling. But, I am in a long term relationship and I do observe others. 13 years is a time period that is very difficult imo. The honeymoon phase is long gone and "life" is more likely to get in the way and cause havoc. You've got a lot going on right now and I'm sure that irritates the situation that is inflamed to start with.

Without trying to solve everything today, would you be willing to ask for a long, stand up hug? It's something spouse and I do often, especially after disagreements. It doesn't solve everything, but is oh, so very soothing especially during intense times. It's a way we can "connect" without words getting in the way. And standing up isn't so awkward and less complicated for the nuances of the moment.

I'm sure there are more things to be addressed, but a long hug could be a place to start and would feel pretty good. Ask for it and just play it by ear. No expectations of sex or anything, just a nice hug. Even if he doesn't hug you back the way you wish...it's still movement in a good direction.

Hugs Bebop.

thanks notz..we took a weekend away this weekend and talked a bit about things. I think I finally got him to understand my side of things. how he makes me feel left out and stuff. I think it really helped me to post this too to get ideas on how to handle it. thanks everyone!

I'm happy you made some progress Bebop. I hope you both can work this out.

thanks lynn. I feel like I might can go on more now lol. I don't want to lose this marriage.