[busiemommie22305]

All I want is for him to pursue me a little more. I mentioned this and he said that he's already got me, why pursue me. But then he gets upset when he finds i've been flirting with and enjoying the attention of someone else. Well, maybe if he gave me more attention I wouldn't need to be getting it from someone else.

And he can find every reason in the book to not come see me, but I make a trip to see him once a week, every week (weather and health permitting). I put off family stuff (which I hate going to anyway) to see him. Or if I can't put it off I invite him to come with me.

I don't feel that he's being the man in this relationship. He seems to be becoming more and more passive about us.

I sent him an e-mail last night telling him this. He has yet to respond. And it wouldn't suprise me at all to find out he's not coming tonight because something's come up (he's not feeling well, or he's tired). Maybe our age difference is too big and that's our problem.

[marjan]

Sorry to hear that.....but I think you should just let it go....based on my experience, you can't force anybody to be more affectionate and loving....Why do you bother yourself even telling him? You have already told him and he knows very well what your needs are.....however, he chose not to satisfy your needs or he's just like this.....He would not be able to do that....

I've been in relationships that I was wondering why there is minimum physical contacts or attention or whatever.....then I figure out the guy is not into me.....It's sad but true.....I used to Wynne about it, but not anymore.....I just move on....because I know if he doesn't give me enough attention, that would not happen with me asking him.....Again, It's sad but true.....

Do you mind if you tell us how much age difference you guys have? and who is younger? Still I don't think it's an age issue, it's just personality or as I said probably he's not the one!

take care of yourself and try to enjoy your moments
Marjan

It sounds like it is time to move on

[owen2110]

It's impossible to change someone. I read in a very clever book recently is either accept the person your with as they are, or if you don't think you'll ever be happy that way, then it is time to move on.

[bridgie]

i agree with everyone above. it sounds as if he does not care about your feelings or needs and is unwilling to accomodate them to make your relationship better. youve already mentioned it so repeating isnt the answer. the whole "hes just not in to you" bit is true in most cases. if he truly cared he would be aware of how you feel and want to make you feel better. i hope he can "shape up" but he he doesnt then you do deserve and should find someone more suitable for you

[busiemommie22305]

He is 14/15 years older then I am. And we have both been married to other people once. I've just had more relationships then he has.

When I got a response to my e-mail it was "I need time to think about what you said." Now I'm stressing about if he's going to call me tonight or not.

I almost wish he would say that it's something he can't change instead of telling me he'll try and then he fails.

I've baked him a cake, made him brownies, I'm all the time leaving messages in his in box or on his facebook page saying "I love you" "I'm thinking about you" "I can't wait to see you...." Would he hurt him to do that every once in a while? I buy him little things that I know he would like. I bought him this really cool eagles shirt off the clearance rack at Wal-Mart. He hasn't gotten me anything since Valentine's day. But then I got to thinking, maybe he's holding back for something super nice for my birthday? But why kid myself?

I told my dad I will never date again if this guy turns out to be a flop. My dad hasn't responded yet, or asked what's happened. But I'm sure he will when he comes by tomorrow.

Maybe I just read too many books and watch too many movies and think there is suppose to be more to a loving relationship then there really is. Maybe this is as good as it gets.

[Perna]

It sounds like you do these things, not because you enjoy doing them, but to try to get reciprocation. I don't think relationships work like that, bake a cake and you get a present. What is it you saw in this man that drew you to him? Has that changed in some way?

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Really have to agree with Perna here...was going to say the same thing. Not all men are movie star lovers and someone older is going to be more staid. And if you "need" attention so badly that you flirt with others then no one is ever going to be good enough because you will always find someone else to flirt with.

It may be too that he sees your flirting and flighty behaviour as something he cannot rely on to stay with him. He's been hurt to and you don't seem to take that into consideration...ease up on him and relax a little...it might work

[busiemommie22305]

I know he's worried about me not staying faithful to him. He's told me that before, just because that's what happened with his ex. I'm a natural flirt and flirt with people and don't even realize it. (It's not always a wonderful thing.)

And the things I mentioned I did, I did them because I wanted to. But he hasn't done much of anything to show that he loves or appericates me. And when we first started dating he would come down and see me no matter what, now it seems tha I almost have to twist his arm to get him to come. I've even mentioned things that we can do togethers with our boys, but nope, he can find more important things. Or he wants me to be the one to do all the traveling to do something together (granted 1 hour isn't much of a trip, but when your car breaks down about every 2 months and you have very little income with gas prices what they are, it's a lot.)

I've had two family memebers tell me that I'm courting him, he's not courting me. (Through I'm still not sure what courting means.)

I just feel that I'm putting all this work into our relationship and he's not doing anything. So I guess from what's been said I am asking too much. I guess it is asking too much just to be happy. Oh well, guess we all can't have that story book ending.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Originally Posted by busiemommie22305

I just feel that I'm putting all this work into our relationship and he's not doing anything. So I guess from what's been said I am asking too much. I guess it is asking too much just to be happy. Oh well, guess we all can't have that story book ending.

Hello busiemommie,

Yes methinks you are putting all the work into the relationship, and methinks he is letting you do so to ensure that you are serious about him. He sounds like he has issues of his own to deal with and if he's been cheated on before he is being very cautious.

You never know, he might come back with something that makes you happy? That would be a nice surprise for you and the hope is that he does do that it may bring him out of the shell he has built up around himself.

Good luck