Feel Like I should Snap Out of it

I am depressed, and it doesn't help that I am enrolled in an accelerated nursing program that is psychologically draining. I don't seem to have the drive to want to be with my husband and every time I try to vent about my school, he does not seem to want to hear it. He just seems to want to give a solution as to how to fix it and I feel like I should refrain from complaining unless I can find a way to fix the issue or just suck it up an deal with it.
He isn't a monster. he is a sweetheart but I don't know if it is a combination of him not wanting to go to a sad place because of his childhood and me coming from a childhood of very weak parents and wishy washy self doubting parents. I was not exactly brought up to be the go getter. It is very hard for me socially to get out there and assert myself and stick up for myself. I feel that people that are not like me do not understand how someone could be so "weak".
If only I knew how to not be weak. I would do it if I could. so here we are, fighting every time we talk to each other. I feel like I stop clenching my teeth when he is out of town and I am tense when he is here. I love him and I just wish we could be happy together, but I am afraid that I am so messed up and sad, timid, and weak that I should just be alone. I feel like I should not ever be in a relationship ever again.
I just wish I could disappear.

Hello Sad99,

Welcome to PC. I don't think the nursing program is the issue at all; I think you have marriage issues and the issues that float around the marriage are bringing the issues in the marriage to the fore.

Firstly do you mind if I ask what it is about Nursing that you consider psychologically draining? I know of the emotional drain, and in some circumstances and the issues of someone not being suited to Nursing emotionally, but that is different to a psychological issue

A supportive husband would be one who is interested enough to offer solutions on how to fix the problem. Unfortunately you have a supportive husband.

I don't think you are weak, though you may think you are. You are strong enough to say that you only relax when he is out of town, and you clench your jaw when he is around. A weak person would just put up with it and never question it.

I think it comes down to simply making a decision on what is happening. Are you going through a difficult time because of the pressures of the acc nursing program or are you admitting you don't actually love your husband and want to be single?

The way your husband is reacting is pretty typical of men, I believe. He wants to solve the problem, whereas you are wanting to vent. Perhaps tell him you just want a shoulder to lean on for ten minutes and then you will try to focus on being at home with him. And you are always welcome to talk about your frustrations here on PC. I am a nurse too.

Thanks for your responses.

Firstly, I guess school is not psychologically draining, but emotionally draining. It is a fast paced, one year program for those who already have a bachelor's degree. So everything we are learning and doing is at 100 miles per hour. The nursing part is great. Love it...it's just getting through these classes.

Yes, my husband is a supportive guy. He is just doing what every guy does, and that's try to fix the problem. I don't know if it is just me being super defensive (actually I know that is a problem with me). I feel like when he tries to fix the problem, he is actually attacking me and telling me I am stupid. But that is not what he is doing at all. How can I stop being so defensive and fighting back at him? I am in the process of making an appointment for counseling.

For as long as I can remember, I have had issues with depression, feeling like no one likes me, and feeling lke people think I am stupid. My parents were not abusive. They were supportive, just not really outgoing and vocal. I want so badly to have some reason in my past to blame my sadness on so I could try to remove that from my life but there is nothing. I have just always been this way. It makes me want to leave my husband and never be in a relationship ever again. I just don't know how to be in a relationship it seems.

It is exhausting every time I talk to my husband, because he knows something is not right with me, and I just try to sweep it aside and focus on good days when we are having them. But he can't do that. When we talk about it, we both end the discussion feeling like we have to hold our tongues in future discussions so that we do not hurt each other's feelings.

I don't want to divorce. but sometimes I fantasize about being on my own, but that is just a way of wanting to escape the problem.