[Jenn1fer82]

I went to court with my bf to give him the emotional support that he needs. While I was there I listened to what his ex-wife had to say and soon I learned new information about their separation and child custody. Doubts soon began to seep in and I don't know what to believe anymore. She portrays him to be a selfish father and it is very hard to listen to. She had said that from the time child custody was put into place by the court it only took two months for him to stop seeing his kids. He said that because of work he couldn't see his kids for one week and because of that week she got upset and made things difficult for him to see the kids further on. Soon enough she stop dropping off the kids and they both gave up on the court order. She saids that it was all him that stopped seeing the kids for no particular reason.

We went to court bc she wants full custody and move out of state and at the same time wanting him to pay full child support. He's always paid for support and never have argued about it. He wants to see his kids and has hired an attorney to represent him. Like most divorce with kids, it is a ugly battle.

How must I deal with these court proceedings? How do I support him and not get overly involved? Who should I trust? Should it matter what she said?

[Rhiannonsmoon]

I tend to agree that she is being difficult. Funny how she wants sole custody only so she can move out of state. If he didn't want them he wouldn't be in court right now.

I have yet to see one wife be totally reasonable leading up to custody battles and I have seen so many create problems for the father seeing the kids.

Who is your life with? Your bf or the ex wife?

[REINE D AMOUR]

dont believe here

[Perna]

I married my husband because of how he treated his mother, ex-wife, and me. I watched what he did, not what anyone said. What did you know about the kids before she filed? Did he complain about not being able to see them and how much he missed them or did he not mention them? Did he call them or did they call him or did you not know they existed. Did he look forward to "Christmas" or send them cards on their birthdays? What was his relationship that YOU saw before this happened? Believe yourself, what you see and "know".

Too, it could be some combination, something in-between. My husband's ex-wife (she and I are "friends" now) was going on and on one afternoon to me on the phone about how abusive he was. Now, I know she believed what she said and is not a liar but I also know my husband and it probably was not as she perceived and/or presented it. My three stepsons get along well with both of their parents and me and everyone else in the family and everyone gets together often and we all enjoy ourselves.

In a relationship, you have to rely on yourself and your take on things and what matters/doesn't matter to you. I don't know why it bothers you if what she says is true, if you're expecting the perfect man and the divorce and child situation is not his fault. It is both their situation, not made by only one or the other. Even if the ex- is lying, he married that kind of woman, is not wholly blameless for the situation he finds himself in. I would not want full custody of my children, would not want to take them from their father if their father was a "wonderful" father.

[perpetuallysad]

I have to agree with Perna here. You definitely need to look for actions and not just listen to words. I've been in this situation from both angles, originally I had a bf who had recently divorced and was constantly claiming to want to see his daughter, but when it really came down to it, he always had excuses for not seeing her. Unfortunately, I was EXTREMELY stupid and stayed with him and ended up having a child with him too (yes, I know, this is insanely stupid on my part... ). Anyway, now he has not seen his daughter for about 6 years. He hasn't paid child support for the daughter since he and I were together (about a year and a half), that's been nearly 8 years. My son (he's the sperm donor) has only recently spent time with him and my son is 9. My ex has NEVER paid child support for my son, rarely--I mean he will go for more than 12 months at a time--sees my son. BUT, here's the kicker, if you were to meet him and ask him about his kids, he would immediately go into this impassioned rant about how both of us mothers keep the kids from him. How all he does is work and try but nothing seems to ever go right for him. He's one big sob story, but produces zero action when it comes down to it.

Obviously, you may actually have a guy who is what he says, but don't disbelieve the ex just because she's on the side of the "bad guy" in this situation.