[QUEEN OF WANDS]

i was in a relationship with my ex-husband for 18 years...it was rocky (we started very young 14 and 16)but there was love..we built a life and had 3 children...our separation was horrible,long story,,anyway,i was instantly replaced by my "closest friend of ten years".... he does some of the things we did together with her,goes places we went, she moved right into my home ,his lifestyle is almost exactly the same,except he drinks alot more(like 5xs a week),its like i never existed(except for the fights between them about me that my children tell me about,i do not ask about them,the children bring it up when it happens) he is very mean and hateful towards me, and even our children sometimes..he treats her children much better than ours together and im not exagerating..i got served with divorce papers on what would have been our 11 year wedding anniversary(she was even my maid of honor and i hers)...how can he act like our life together meant nothing,,why am i that easily replaced...ugh i feel like i am going to be sick

[lynn P.]

((QUEEN OF WANDS)) - I'm so sorry you're hurting. You're suffering with a double betrayal from your husband and your good friend -ouch!! I'm familiar with that feeling of being replaceable - it really hurts. I've come to realize though, that it's their fault for being so shallow to easily forget a meaningful relationship.

If he dove in that fast into this new relationship, this means he didn't fix his end of problems. This means their relationship starts on shaky ground and I doubt it will last. She basically is getting your leftovers. We always think they must be so happy and poor me I'm so sad - I doubt everything is rosy for them.

Try your best for the childrens sake to be civil so they don't have to suffer. Knowing that his new partner has to deal with all his crap will make it easier for you to heal. It's not you, it's his shallow nature.

[luvsthebeach]

I am sorry you are suffering so much in regard to your relationship and all that happened. I know most of us want to figure out everything and have an answer as *why* people do things that are obviously hurtful to others. I think we can get so caught up in that, we ignore our own needs. We feel bad and betrayed and cannot find solutions or good outcomes.

People have their own demons and we cannot understand it all. It is so frustrating, I know. Personally, I have to disengage and pretend I don't care so much. Caring and giving more to those who don't appreciate it has not paid off in my case. The pain is horrible.

I tend to deal with issues by saying to myself, "they deserve one another." Maybe someday they will answer to their own karma...the best revenge is to live well and take care of yourself. Then surround yourself with healthier people.

I hated the way my ex hubby was treating MY house ! I moved out as he wouldnt but he was not looking after it ! Then he had a girlfriend come visit while MY children was there ! I was devestated even though I didnt want him it was still my home my children.

I saw a therapist and she said to me........ You will never change him he is what he is accept it take the money from the house he owes you and let it go.

I walked out of there feeling a ton of weight had been lifted from my shoulders, she was right I had to let it go.

He paid me out and I made out in my head that I had sold the house. As for the children all I could do was NEVER listen to them about him or talk to them about him except to say he loves you still....

My older two love him but hate him however wont have a bad word said about me as I wont and never have ran him down.

You have to let it go hun.

[QUEEN OF WANDS]

thank you .. i do have to let go, i guess i miss the lifestyle i was living at the time,not him,,,i am very hurt that the two closest people in my life at the time could do this,but i know i didnt want the relationship the way it was anyway..they are a very unhappy couple,it is like they bring the selfishness and hatefulness out in each other even more than b4.i feel bad for feeling good about how unhappy they really are..so yes she can have my leftovers , i just miss the image of a happy family(even if it wasnt so happy) i do not speak badly of him to the children they can see it for themselves..yes he is very shallow,.THANK YOU ALL i just needed someone to listen and acknoledge my pain...i can move on it has been 4 years,but i just got the divorce papers monday and brang out some emotions...hope you all have a good evening

[Rhiannonsmoon]

((((Queen))))

It is so hard I know, especially when someone just walks in as soon as you leave. Please try to let it go. You are starting a new life without someone screaming down your throat every second day. Your kids love you very much and your ex and his newbie are not living the loving together forever life they thought they would.

You are obviously still in his mind who knows he may have accidentally called her by your name, anything could have occurred. But you are out of it and you should really be glad of that...you'll find someone else if you want to that is, and I know you will be living peacefully and lovingly, no more fights...

Hugs to you,

Rhiannon