[blue66]

Ready to call it quits. Since we have been married for 16 years, I did not consider divorce an option. This marriage had much more positive than negatives overall. However due to a breach of trust and lack of respect, I am moving towards the divorce process.

Recently my husband had a vasectomy as we have two children, don’t want any more and are in our 40s. Less than a week after his procedure, he got rid of his birth control items. I was out of town when he had the procedure and trusted him to take care of the details. Well that was my mistake to trust him. He had not received clearance from the doctor that to have unprotected sex due to t he risk of pregnancy. He never once spoke of this to me.

This weekend I started having back pain and cramps. I assumed my period was starting. On Monday, I began to bleed and clot heavily. I was very confused as it did not feel like a normal period for me.
In the past I have suffered one miscarriage and this seemed similar. My husband’s reaction was to distance himself from me and complain about me being emotional. On a hunch, I went and took a blood test for pregnancy as I was not more than one week late ( my periods are not as regular as in my late 30s) and it was positive. I talked to my husband and got no response from him – dead silence.
In fact, he carried on his day like usual and offered no help to me in anything though I made it clear that I was in physical and emotional pain. When I went to look for the documents he brought home for the urologist, the documents were gone. He stated that he took them to work.

I feel like my value to him is little - he took a chance on my health, health of an unborn child and just went for his own gain. He has never spoken one word about to me. I know that birth control is also my responsibilty and that I am to blame also. But I still feel betrayed by him.

Am I being over emotional or am I reading his cues about his regard for me well?

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Hello blue,

I am so terribly sorry for your loss and for the situation that you were placed in. I think your husband thought he didn't have to worry any more so threw caution to the wind. Very stupid and very immature but a human mistake. I don't see why he took his paperwork regarding the vasectomy to work, that makes no sense to me.

He should have waited x amount of time, then had another motility test before having sex. No vasectomy is guaranteed and especially not before the motility and count after the vasectomy.

What I don't get though is why he got rid of his condoms etc and why he was so quick to jump in knowing the possible consequences.

If it were me I'd b asking the hard questions too, you deserve an answer and some respect

[NuckingFutz]

I do not think you are over emotional at all. I am sure you have considered the possibility that maybe there was no paperwork because he never got snipped? And about getting rid of his condoms so quick...from what I have heard, men don't like condoms. Also, if he ignores you, he does not have to acknowledge that there is a problem in the first place. I hope I am wrong because I just can't imagine another human being to be so callus to their mate. I am not one for divorce but if you cannot be safe around your mate, I am all for it. Good luck!

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Originally Posted by NuckingFutz

I am sure you have considered the possibility that maybe there was no paperwork because he never got snipped?

OMG's I never even thought of that being a possibility.

This is from http://www.vasectomy.com

Vasectomies are usually performed on Thursday or Fridays to allow the weekend for recovery before going back to work. You're advised not to drive yourself home (use of brake and gas pedal can irritate)

The First Few Weeks after Surgery

You should not consider, and probably won’t feel like, resuming sexual intercourse from 72 hours to a couple of weeks following surgery. Before you do resume sexual activity, remember that you will not be considered sterile for several weeks. Until your doctor determines that you are sterile, continue to use an alternate form of birth control.
And you should also remember that a vasectomy does not protect you or your partner from sexually transmitted diseases.

Once sexual activity is comfortable for you, it is important to resume ejaculation, since it takes between 10 and 20 ejaculations before any remaining sperm is released. In fact, sperm can remain in the semen for three to six months following your vasectomy.

You can expect your doctor to advise you when to bring in your first semen sample for examination. This is usually within four to six weeks after your vasectomy. You may be able to collect your seminal specimen at home and bring it directly to the doctor’s office or lab. Use the sterile containers that your doctor’s office will provide you for all semen samples.
Doing Your Part

Once seminal analysis begins, you doctor may advise you to ejaculate 10-12 times before collecting and submitting your first, and all subsequent, specimens to your doctor for microscopic laboratory analysis. You can expect to provide semen samples thereafter every few weeks or so.
You are generally considered sterile only after your doctor makes that determination.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If he got snipped then he would have had all of this information before hand...

[NuckingFutz]

And not said anything! OMG! Say it isn't so!

[NuckingFutz]

And not said anything! OMG! Say it isn't so!

[lonegael]

Yeah, NF. You can double it for me too!

[beatbyadifferdrum]

Did you go with him to do the deed?
he would have complained for days about the pain and suffering that he had to go though for you.
Men are such wimps!
opps sorry if I offend the men.