[PromisesToKeep]

I recently entered into a relationship after dating long distance with someone whom I have known for 28 years. They say that you never really know someone until you live with them. He moved 1200 miles to live with me, a trial run if you will, until my lease expires. When we arrived at the airport, it was like someone threw a switch and he refuses to communicate, is moody and contrary, feels that any psychiatric diagnosis is just an excuse.
We were having lunch the other day and I tried sharing with him a very neutral, humorous story. He interrupted and said, "More eating, less talking". I got up, took my plate to my room and closed the door.
He is smoking pot from sunrise to sunset and then some more before bed. He is impossible to deal with when he runs out and has asked me to take some extreme risks to ensure he has a ready supply. He ran out this morning and his anger, always there but just under the surface, is starting to rear its ugly head.
Regarding the relationship, he immediately moved into the second bedroom and there is no intimacy. He says he feels no attraction to me and that he never loved me. WHY DID HE BOTHER, WHY ALL THE LIES TO PUT US BOTH INTO A BAD SITUATION? He resents anything that I ask him to do, although I laid out my few needs before he moved in. I offered to send him back to whence he came yet he refuses, claiming he wants to work on "it" whatever on earth "it" is.
So, I stay in my bedroom, going to the kitchen or living room only when absolutely necessary. Not isolating is part of my recovery but right now, I am dependent upon him for transportation and its not worth the argument to have my needs met.
I am so frustrated, angry, hurt, betrayed and so very lonely. I feel very stuck and am counting the days until the lease expires so I can get away from him and find a supportive, loving environment; regardless of whether that entails a relationship or not. At this point, I would welcome a hamster as my roommate. It would be far superior to what I am dealing with.
ACKKKK! Any suggestions out there are welcome.
ptk

[Miracle1986]

Make hime leave... he's no good for you... and it's your house.

[NuckingFutz]

I think he needed a roof over his head. With him smoking all that pot it sounds like you are supporting him. This guy just sounds like bad news to me. Good luck with this one.

[imatter2]

As was said, it is your house and he is a (now) unwelcome guest. Tell him to leave, if he refuses or gets violent call the police to have him removed. Actually first I would contact a domestic violence center or line and ask them how they would advise you to proceed, since you don't know how he will be once he's out of pot and out of a house too, and they will have experience with how you might prepare yourself. THEN, tell him to leave and involve the police if necessary.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

You are already the victim of domestic abuse. Just because he doesn't belt you around doesn't mean he isn't abusing you. Your staying in your room and only leaving it to "go to the kitchen or living room only when necessary" is a classic sign of abuse. He is also placing you at risk by enforcing his desire for drugs.

I would call the police telling them that there is an abuser who is a drug smoker and he refuses to leave your home and you want him out. Forget using him as a taxi driver there are community busses available that will take you where you want to go. Get rid of him and reclaim your life,

Rhiannon

[sanityseeker]

How's it going ptk? Above all else what is most important is your health and your recovery. You acknowledge that isolation is not in the best interest of your recovery. How long before the lease runs out? Can you go that long without it costing you your recovery any further?

You know best what you need to do. Based on what you have shared with us it does sound like getting him out of there sooner rather than later would be wise.

Be safe.

[AngelAsmodeus]

I'd have to agree about calling the police and making him leave. If there is a reason that you don't want to do that, look into another home, and when it's time to go, don't tell him where you're going and just go. He's not worth the trouble.

[PromisesToKeep]

I have expressed thanks to all of you for your input. Yesterday was a particulary bad day, then he apologized to me and two minutes later when his ex-girlfriend called for support in a dysfunctional relationship of her own, he threw a tantrum like a three year old. I am convinced that he is suffering from the FDB syndrome that some of us identified in another thread (still giggling over that one!)
I am just so tired of living life from one crisis to another. No, I have no hope that he will change yet somehow I have to summon the courage to make the change that is so apparently necessary. Change is always scary for me and I am so afraid of rocking the boat. Right now, I am dealing with it the best I can but I must admit that I am afraid of the confrontation necessary.
Cowering in cowardice,
ptk

[Miracle1986]

PTK,
Remember... we at PC are here to support you through all of this.
I know confrontation is scary (I myself hate and avoid it at all costs)
but sometimes it is necessary when your well-being is at stake
(which in your case, I believe it is)

Keep posting... we are here to "listen" and support you!

[AngelAsmodeus]

Change and confrontation are definitely hard. But getting through it makes us stronger.

We're here to cheer you on

[Emotionally Dead]

((((((PromisesToKeep))))))

I feel so bad for you after reading this. This guy is just bad news. You really need to get rid of him. You could try to tell him to leave, but judging by his character and anger problems it might be a better idea for you to contact someone and try to get help. He would already be arrested for drug posession, and also for domestic violence/abuse, so if you get the law involved you will be OK. Just make sure to stay completely away from him whenever you do get away for once. Be safe and be careful, you'll be in my prayers and I wish you the best.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Hope all goes well for you...I would just call the police, that is much better than having a possibly violent confrontation; at least if the police are there he won't be able to chuck a tanty without seeing the inside of the police car and the police dock.

Go on.... live a little!

[goldielocks]

i agree with most others here. he HAS to go. i would seek advice from the police etc and have him removed. good luck and i hope you have him out soon.

[sanityseeker]

How are things going with this PTK? Thinking of you and wishing you well.

[lynn P.]

I agree with the others - he needs to go ASAP. There's no hope in this person what so ever. Make sure you don't buy him marijuana anymore - you could get in trouble for that. He sounds emotionally cruel and why should you hide away while he has free reign over the rest of the living space. Have someone with you when you tell him to leave in case he becomes hard to handle. I wouldn't feel safe with him there. Such a loser.

[sunsetsunrise]

Promises can you call a battered womens phone line? you ARE being emotionally battered. Get support from them. and then take action to get him away from you? emotionally you are not safe with him. legally you are not safe with him. And i am not convinced that you will remain physically safe with him. Could you call a battered womens line and see what support they can give to you in the stratigizing ? ASAP? Also, do you have a safe place you can go to that he doesnt know about?