[Lexicon78]

This may sound like it should be somewhere else, but it's actually a relationship problem.

Everytime I'm on the internet and my bf wants me to look things up...usually on the search engines where you can't find a freakin thing, he expects me to know all the answers that very second and it's like I can't do anything right. He keeps nagging and nagging at me.

The problem is when I'm bombarded by any stress I get depressed and eventually I get suicidal. This is a big problem for me.

would you be able to tell him that you need some time, by yourself, on the computer and as soon as you're through, he can use it? my daughter and i just to have the same problem. i can only imagine how frustrating this makes you. i hope you can get some relief. xoxo pat

[Myzen]

Hi lex,

The real problem here is that your boyfriend is upsetting you, and he hasn't taken the hint. Dynamics like this can get fixed in relationships.

I suggest a serious talk with him, and tell him how you feel.

Good luck, Myzen

[Hope4me2]

Hello Lex,
What you said about stress causing you to be depressed and suicidal is describing me to a T....my T and I talk about this all the time...about how I give others so much power to determine how I feel.....we need to take our power back ....easier said then done huh?
please try to lessen your stress load by telling your bf that you need some time for youself...I hope he understands...if he doesnt that is about him....wish there was more that I could say to help...do not know if this does or not...
sorry for ranting on....
take care and thinking of you

[bonaire]

I've listened to a lot of the recordings of Wayne Dyer lately. He basically solves this situation by saying that you shouldn't let others affect your life/mind/emotions - everything is based on how you experience life. For example - you may want to treat every silly request by the bf with a tinge of humor... "He's asking those silly questions again - don't let it get to me..."

Never ever let someone else bring you to the point of thinking of harming yourself. I let my feelings of someone close get me to that point at one time and have worked hard to squash those feelings and it's been great. What I'm saying here is "I let myself get to that point - that other person had no responsibility to let me want to harm myself, only I did".

If you can - see if you can work with a therapist regarding this. They can help you find peace within yourself. The answer does lie within you.

Also, never ever let a bf run/ruin/over run your life. You can live life successfully alone or with someone else. They don't own you.

[Myzen]

Hi folks,

I totally agree with bonaire. Wayne Dyer gives supportive talks on Hayhouse Radio. I listen to that station a lot.

Good one. M

[eskielover]

Hi Lex,

There is the point that the others have spoken about.....that it is our own reaction to what is happening & we need to be able to control how we react to something....I agree to a point, especially if it isn't a continual situation. I have been told the same thing that is my problem because it is MY own reaction to something.

However I really feel that it goes beyond that....& when it is something that is a continual action by the other side & I know how I react to it & they know how I react to it also.....then it is also their responsibility to stop the action. After a while, I begin to feel that they continue the action because they know how I react & want to trigger my reaction whether consciously or subconsciously. I really feel that it is the responsibility of both sides & if you know someone will react in a certain way to what we do then we really should respect them & try very hard to stop our actions that trigger a known response.

Yes, I am pointing out the other side of the issue because I have been there also...actually I have been on both sides & know that if I really don't care about the other person, I continue to do what I want because I don't care about how they respond.....when I care, I try really hard to not trigger them. I also try hard not to be triggered it that is where I am or I end up getting mad & FIGHT back.....which really isn't a good place to be in either....but I find that the FIGHT helps me get out of the depression.

Relationships are complicated & it takes consideration on both sides to make them work.

Debbie