[scooter62487]

We had a long talk the other night and I'm not sure if I got through or not he knew I had been saying we need more time and he had heard everything I was telling him before but he seemed confused that I had felt that strongly about it and that I was hurting that bad. I'm not sure if his kids will be over again soon or not. We will see how it goes and that will let me know how much hes willing to try. Our toughest days are when they are here because we are having our own hard times and they don't think they have to listen to any females much less me because of stuff they are told and sometimes my husband and I disagree in front of them so they think they can get away with whatever they want when it comes to me and what I say. My husband thinks I"m being mean but i"m not. I just think that thye should treat me with respect and he wants to be their friend so bad hes not willing to make them respect me so we have even more problems when they are here. My baby is sick and I am too. Even if the love is not the same as it was before a lover will always be there for you. Once the weekend is over I'll leave another post because then I will know a little bit more about what is going on. He's a lot nicer when he is home now but he still is hardly home. So I'm not sure what is going on.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

It sounds as if he's a "guilty dad" one who lets them get away with anything because he feels guilty he left them. Good luck

[Perna]

It's very hard with blended families. I am both a stepdaughter and a stepmother. I mostly left my stepsons up to my husband to supervise and discipline. When my youngest stepson and I were alone, I had good one-on-one time with him and took cues from him on how he wanted the relationship to develop, whether fun/pleasant or more difficult and I kept my communications with him open at that time so he knew exactly why I was saying/doing what I said/did. There was some jealousy for my husband's time, especially when we were all together and I taught myself to bow out as I had my husband to myself more than his sons did. All three of his sons (and his ex-wife, her mother and sister and boyfriend too) and I have good relationships now that they're grown.

[scooter62487]

That would be fine if he would be willing to make them listen. Instead he lets them do whatever they want and yes he does feel guilty about not being there but its not his fault he wasnt. Everytime he would try his exwife would throw him in jail. I try so hard to be both a good stepmom and a friend to them but thruthfully right now they need me to be a stepmom more then they need another friend.

Originally Posted by Perna

It's very hard with blended families. I am both a stepdaughter and a stepmother. I mostly left my stepsons up to my husband to supervise and discipline. When my youngest stepson and I were alone, I had good one-on-one time with him and took cues from him on how he wanted the relationship to develop, whether fun/pleasant or more difficult and I kept my communications with him open at that time so he knew exactly why I was saying/doing what I said/did. There was some jealousy for my husband's time, especially when we were all together and I taught myself to bow out as I had my husband to myself more than his sons did. All three of his sons (and his ex-wife, her mother and sister and boyfriend too) and I have good relationships now that they're grown.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Hello scooter,

How are things going with your stepkids? I had a situation here recently where my partners daughter was being absolutely horrid to me and she posted things on her facebook page & my fb pafe that were simply awful. It was his birthday yesterday & she called wanting to speak to him. The first time she called it was just the static warbly noise that you hear on a bad moile line so I hung up. She called everyone and told them I simply hung up on her but I didn't find that out till a short time later when his mother called and I asked her if it was she who called earlier but couldn't get through. She said no it was her grandaughter. Anyway he told his mother he wouldn't be speaking to her for long because of the things she had plastered all over her FB page and my FB page, and that he was very angry about it.

She called back and said a few perfunctuary things and then launched into another attack of me. He just cut her off and hung up. Now hopefully she realises that doing things the way her mother does them simply won't work. My partner loves and respects me and knows that I have tried everything in my power to bring them together as father and kids; but their mother has done everything to keep them apart but blamed me.

But your husband has to be strong and consolidated with you or nothing will work, relationship included. If he loves you, guilt or not he should be fathering as in parenting the children and I agree you don't need to be their friend at all. That rarely works anyway because they take advantage of it.

I really wish you luck on this; please keep us updated so we can offer support