Am I just too sensitive about this?

I am sick of being triggered by my boyfriend's family. Today my boyfriend's mom (jokingly) said "You're not part of the family yet." It really hurt. Am I just being too sensitive?

I got a book recently called "I'm not crazy, I'm just not you," it's about different personality styles. I haven't read it yet but it sounds helpful. I don't know.

I don't know how to stop feeling the way I feel. When I do say something to them, they say I need to take things less personally.

My therapist is also no help. She says: "Do you want to be an open book?" and "Do you want people to feel like they have to walk on eggshells around you?"

Ugh! I don't know what to do. Please help.

I get over sensitive about what people say too. I over think what they actually mean when they say things. The truth is probably that there are no hidden meanings.

You said it yourself in your post, your boyfriends mum said it "jokingly"... try to just take it as a joke and not read more into it than what was there at face value xxxx

And perhaps you should be 'shopping' around for a different therapist?

Yeah, your therapist seems to be making more accusations than actually helping you, but I wouldn't know.

It's my personal opinion that your boyfriend's mother, like most people, should've been more sensitive to another's feelings, and unfortunately there are too many inconsiderate people in this world. That said, we all make mistakes and things can be said without malicious intent, and so we need to give people the benefit of the doubt once in a while.

You say you're sick of it, so I assume this is not the first time? Perhaps she, again, like most people, is incredibly insensitive? If so, I wouldn't think it necessarily makes her a bad person, but I certainly think there's room for effin improvement. I'm likely biassed because I've had far too many people say ridiculous things to me that were either out of context, immoral, unjust, ouright rude or offensive. Idiots have only made me more defensive, to be honest with you.

In my opinion, we may be more sensitive than other's, but in all honesty, who gives a f--k? We all possess our own boundaries; this fact should be appreciated and respected, because we are all different.

Personally, I would find a joke like that extremely insensitive. I actually struggle with similar issues with my boyfriend's family. You're not alone, I promise. So far, the only things that I find help me are letting myself vent about it to someone that cares about me, such as my boyfriend, my mother, or even one or two close friends. After that, I try to let it go. Difficult, yes, but there's really not much else you can do about it. The biggest thing is to try not to let other people's negativity bring you down.

I would also agree that perhaps it is time to shop around for a new therapist. If you don't feel comfortable with them, then don't stay with them. I did that, and it really ruined my relationship with therapy overall.

If you need to vent some more, feel free to PM me.

Take care!

I feel that you may be a little too sensitive but it's something your therapist is asking you if you want to get over. She is asking you if you want people to tread around you so carefully that they cannot be themselves around you?

Just have a gentle think about that and ask yourself if you care about those people as family and if the answer is yes then what do you want to do about it? How long have you been seeing your boyfriend and in what context did she make the comment? This should give you a pretty clear idea of her meaning and if she meant it to be hurtful. Which I don't think she did. To me it simply means you don't get the meaning yet.

I also think you need to look past the comment and into the mirror to ask yourself what made you react this way?

Thanks you guys. Well, definitely got a multitude of different answers, and I appreciate them all! I appreciate being validated. I also appreciate that some of you told me not to take it so personally, in a very kind way. thank you.

You know...I think there may need to be a balance. I don't want to be the only one to work on myself here and change myself for these people, it feels like too much work, and I like being me. even though, I know I need to work on how I feel.

Akuma said, "In my opinion, we may be more sensitive than other's, but in all honesty, who gives a f--k? We all possess our own boundaries; this fact should be appreciated and respected, because we are all different." I like that. I don't know how possible it is, but I like it.

Maybe I can teach my future inlaws something about who I am. I hope they would respect it if they really care about me. I don't know if they will, his mom is pretty dismissive, but who knows.

And yeah, his mom was joking I'm sure. It caught me off guard because I have been subconsciously thinking lately...that maybe they don't like me...I think they do...I hope they do...

thanks for the replies everyone.

Hello aria,

I don't think anyone is asking you to change at all. Healing hypersensitivity is not changing you or who you are. It is taking away the hypersensitive reatctions that have built up within you over your lifetime.

I used to be the same way and I was actually hurt a lot because of it. It wasn't until I learned to relax and see the world a slightly more relaxed way and not feel that I had to be dramatic in every response to be understood that I actually started to enjoy life and enjoy being who I am.

I was not my reactions and they were not me, they were just something that had been developed to an acute response pattern because I felt picked on by by mum & brother. These days I don't see or speak to any of them and my life is pleasant, quiet happy and peaceful.

So please don't think you are expected to change because you are not, just your response patterns. And to look at it honestly, you are not yet part of that family and if you wish to be you will need to be accepting of them and who they are if you want them to accept you as you are. Good luck with this and I hope you find happiness.

Thanks Rhiannonsmoon.

Sounds like your BF's mother is hoping you will be getting married to her son soon so that she can really call you her DIL (daughter in law) which is really the point in time that is usually considered to become part of the other person's family.....

I know how difficult it is to live around someone who is overly sensitive & in order to keep things going smooth, you have to walk on egg shells....my mother was that way & I got to the point where I just got fed up & refused to care anymore because it just became too much work.

I think it's important to not be overly one way or the other & really try to understand where the other person's sayings are coming from in a more positive light.

Best wishes with all your relationship issues