jealous angry and really depressed

Ok I don't know where to begin I just lost my brother a month and a half ago. He needed a liver and kidney transplant my family and I had to take him off life support he was in a coma but would have woke up to learn that he was no longer a candidate for a transplant. So basically we had to put him down at least that is how I feel. Now rewind to 20 months ago we were just finding out about my brothers illness and how serious it was. I was working 2 jobs and my husband takes me out to our favorite restaurant for our anniversary. He then tells me he had joined one of the social network sites and that he found an old friend and that he has been talking to her on the phone and emailing her for a month and they had been talking about getting together. He then started to feel like he was doing something wrong and figured he should tell me. I was angry that I was just hearing about this now. He went on to explain that he would really like to see her and that I could come, I needed to think about it. A couple of days passed and I decided that I would go with them I called my sister in-law to tell her about what was going on she had been good friends with this woman when they were younger. By my surprise she was upset that her brother was in touch with the “old friend”. Apparently my husband neglected to tell me that the “old friend” was someone that he had a relationship with many years ago and that she tried to break my husband and his first wife up for a long time. So his sister told me if she is single to get her out of our life asap. I decided to ask my husband if she was ever his girlfriend he said no a few days later I asked did he ever have any kind of a romantic relationship with her again the answer NO now I was getting really upset he was lying to me and I knew it. Finally I said to him did he ever had sex with her finally Yes. I told him that I knew that already and had been trying to get him to admit it for 2 weeks. HE WAS VERY ANGRY WITH HIS SISTER FOR TELLING ME. Now I had trouble trusting him and I started checking his email and his phone records. Time passes and things got back to normal.

September my brother started getting very bad he was in and out of the hospital every other week. With all the time at the hospital my mother ended up with mercer she went into the hospital on thanksgiving and spent the next 4 months in a nursing home. Now I had my brother in 1 hospital my mother in another and working two jobs. I started asking my husband to help me with some of the chores laundry or cooking I COULD NOT DO IT ALL.
He decided that he would do his laundry and that was supposed to help. So while I was running around like a chicken without a head, he decides to go back onto that social networking site and look for more old girlfriends and other friends men and woman. He was giving his phone number out to everybody but apparently just 1 woman used it. I had seen that he had an ex girlfriend in his friend list but I let it go for a couple of weeks to see if he would tell me. He didn't so I went in and told him one night that maybe he should friend the old friend from last year again now that he has another old gf as a friend well he was so angry that I knew and who was I talking to. I told him I didn't need to talk to anyone to know this one was his ex because he kept a picture that she gave him hanging in our room for 12 years until I got rid of it. He said he had not talked to her but that he had been talking to another woman he had found. Well now I am furious because he had promised me no more old girlfriends and no more phone calls and texting behind my back. I asked him had he been hiding his actions by deleting calls texts emails he said no he had not. So I went and checked and yes he had deleted all calls texts and emails just from this woman. He has gone on to change all his account passwords so I can not check on him not that I did that on a regular basis like he thinks. In 18 years I did it after the “old friend” and then a year later. He has told both of these women that I am nuts and that I think he is having an affair with them which I never accused him of that. I thought he was looking for something that I was not giving him. Attention. I should also say that these woman were friends as teenagers also. So now they both think I am crazy because he didn't want to hurt their feelings he'd rather make me the bad guy. Maybe I am.

Hello heymoe (any relation to heyjoe? there is a new member of that name, just seems like an unusual coincidence)

You really have had a lot to contend with over the last 2 years. I hope we can support you in a way that helps you.

I really am sorry that you lost your brother; trasnplant patients can get too sick to receive the transplants they need and they really are on borrowed time. I'm sorry your brother was unable to last the distance; once in a coma it is too late to reverse the damage to other organs and systems which depend on healthy liver and kidneys to function.

As far as your husband is concerned I would if it were me, offer him the front door and he would feel the heel of my boot as he walked out of it. The nerve to look for other women online is awful especially one that he has had a previous relationship with. And knowing that she was probably one of the causes of his previous marriage ending.

As for him telling two women that you are crazy that is a worse betrayal than going to see one of them. I don't blame you for being angry at all. His betrayal seems to be something that he is trying to cover by having you painted as a mad woman; it seems as if he is trying to make himself appear innocent.

Is he considering you crazy because of your jealousy? I think he should maybe consider his behaviour and the obvious concern of you knowing what he is up to by changing his passwords, as being responsible for some of your feelings.

I really hope you can sort this out as it is very obviously ripping your ribs as it probbly would mine. I demand open honesty in a relationship and if my partner were finding women online to talk to I would invite him to go and live with one of them, because he wouldn't be living with me any more; I love him dearly but I respect myself just as much if not more. I spent too long in a marriage to a man who had one affair after the other, one while I was in hospital for 4 months being pieced back together after surgery which went very wrong.

I know I shouldn't bring my stuff into this and that is not supportive for you, but my exhusband too told his mistresses of my "insanity" and my mental illness gave him the leverage he needed to be seen as such a wonderful man for standing by me.

Please I urge you to care about yourself. You don't have to leave your husband to get a resolution here, but you don't have to put up with his actions either. When it comes down to it though, you are the only one able to make a decision, good luck,

Rhiannon

Hi Heymoe,
This man isn't worth your time. Kick him out of the door, pronto. With all the angst you have already, you don't need this as well. He is self absorbed and won't change. Maybe kicking him out will make him realise what he is losing. If it doesn't then you haven't lost anything yourself, have you?