[cocoa58]

I am having some real issues with my husband - I am feeling depressed and a lot has been backfiring and going wrong for me - but honestly, my husband is worse than me.

We can no longer communicate worth anything. Mostly, he blames me for just about everything.

He also tends to take things I say and come up with the weirdest, off the wall stuff that he "thinks" I said - and I never said them or even thought them.

I have struggled with whether or not my husband is emotionally abusive? Or has he lost it?

But I know that he kind of drives me nuts - it sometimes doesn't matter what I say, he will turn it into whatever weird thing he is thinking or stressing on - and often that has nothing to do with me or what we're talking about.

I have no other person to live with - my family has mostly all abandoned me. Friends have dumped/abandoned me mostly (not all), but the ones I have, I could not impose on.

I also don't want to leave my husband struggling mentally - but I also seem to make it worse, no matter what I do.

I feel there is only one thing I can do to make this any better - just be quiet, shut up, and don't bother him in any way. I feel like a horrible albatross around his neck and burden - and I hate feeling this way.

I am going to try and not talk to him about anything wrong or any feelings I have, etc. I think it is what he wants/needs. But it does leave me alone.....

Oh and the worst of the worst - because I have a history of depression - I get blamed for it all - no matter what.

[REINE D AMOUR]

i am soory for you ,i know what you are talking about ,but the truth is that your husband seems to be depressed and abusive with you and this will not be fair for you,;from my own experience it is a double fight.

[Lilleth]

My ex was like that for the ten years we were together when he was depressed he used to expect me to talk him out of it but at the same time look for anything I said or did to have a go at me. It was like treading on eggshell all the time. When we broke up (I finished it) One day when he visited I was in a really bad way and told him how awful I was feeling and the worry about my parents and he turned round and told me that in all the years we were together he doesn't remember me ever being depressed or remember me crying. But what really got me was as I was crying he just sat there and from where I was he didnt realise I could see his reflection in the mirror and I could see he was smiking he had this smile on his face like he was happy to see me so down. Please is you can get help for youself

[cocoa58]

Thank you Lilleth - sounds a little familiar. I have had two seperations with him - and I did file for divorce. But then he didn't want the divorce - so he said. But now - it seems he's driving me to it.

I do think he has his own issues. He even took something I said tonight and twisted it so badly - I thought how on earth could he get "that" out of what I just said?

anyway, I think a big part of my depression right now and my anxiety is the worry he is putting me through - the "trapped" feeling.

Thanks for posting. One reason I don't leave is I don't have a job and worry about finances. Also, I would be happy to be his wife and live with him if he would just treat me like he loved me. He keeps saying "he will do better" and "he is trying to do better".

Tonight I made the point to him that if he truly loved me like he says - wouldn't decent treatment and nice words just come naturally? He didn't get the point.

Take care - thanks! I hope I can have courage to help myself somehow. After 19 years with him, I have almost no friends/family left to turn to.

Originally Posted by Lilleth

My ex was like that for the ten years we were together when he was depressed he used to expect me to talk him out of it but at the same time look for anything I said or did to have a go at me. It was like treading on eggshell all the time. When we broke up (I finished it) One day when he visited I was in a really bad way and told him how awful I was feeling and the worry about my parents and he turned round and told me that in all the years we were together he doesn't remember me ever being depressed or remember me crying. But what really got me was as I was crying he just sat there and from where I was he didnt realise I could see his reflection in the mirror and I could see he was smiking he had this smile on his face like he was happy to see me so down. Please is you can get help for youself

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Hello Cocoa,

I'm sorry you feel so trapped it's an awful feeling isn't it. Has your husband seen a dr or a therapist? beccause he sounds like he needs one. You need some counselling for yourself by the sounds of it. I will post more tomorrow as it is my bet time right now. You take care and try to stay out of his way so that you are not stressed,

Rhiannon

[cocoa58]

My husband and I see the same therapist. We have seen him privately, and now tomorrow we will see him together.

I am staying someplace besides home tonight - away from him. And what amazes me is that I feel quite a bit better and stronger.

Take care and Ill post about what happens after tomorrow.
cocoa58

Originally Posted by Rhiannonsmoon

Hello Cocoa,

I'm sorry you feel so trapped it's an awful feeling isn't it. Has your husband seen a dr or a therapist? beccause he sounds like he needs one. You need some counselling for yourself by the sounds of it. I will post more tomorrow as it is my bet time right now. You take care and try to stay out of his way so that you are not stressed,

Rhiannon