[cocoa58]

I went to visit friends in another state - it was an awesome visit. I used to be their neighbors for over 5 years, so they do know me well. They treat me "normal" - just like it used to be.

But since we moved to another state (from MN to CO) nothing has gone right in my life at all. We moved in 2006 and I've been bullied and messed with ever since then - it feels pretty bad.

In MN I had Dr's who I could trust - I had a therapist I could trust - friends I could trust and a church I could go to and be part of. People treated us normally. We had a "real" life.

Then I came to CO and was almost immediately treated like something was wrong with me - I've fought this. In having to fight for myself, now I'm angry.
Dr's don't work out for me here - therapists have not yet worked out for me here and I've tried several (male and female); friends sure haven't worked out and generally use me badly; jobs have not worked out (although I had a decent job in MN where I was treated well).

I feel despair now because I am going back to CO - I feel very oppressed and trapped there. If only I had the means to start over someplace else - back to MN where I have friends. But I don't. I do know there was a difference!

Sorry for venting - I feel pretty bad about this.

I changed my "mood" status to "sad" - but I looked for one that said "defeated" - it wasn't there.

[cocoa58]

Oh yeah - my marriage isn't working out either - I'm going to be left with nothing.

Originally Posted by cocoa58

I went to visit friends in another state - it was an awesome visit. I used to be their neighbors for over 5 years, so they do know me well. They treat me "normal" - just like it used to be.

But since we moved to another state (from MN to CO) nothing has gone right in my life at all. We moved in 2006 and I've been bullied and messed with ever since then - it feels pretty bad.

In MN I had Dr's who I could trust - I had a therapist I could trust - friends I could trust and a church I could go to and be part of. People treated us normally. We had a "real" life.

Then I came to CO and was almost immediately treated like something was wrong with me - I've fought this. In having to fight for myself, now I'm angry.
Dr's don't work out for me here - therapists have not yet worked out for me here and I've tried several (male and female); friends sure haven't worked out and generally use me badly; jobs have not worked out (although I had a decent job in MN where I was treated well).

I feel despair now because I am going back to CO - I feel very oppressed and trapped there. If only I had the means to start over someplace else - back to MN where I have friends. But I don't. I do know there was a difference!

Sorry for venting - I feel pretty bad about this.

I changed my "mood" status to "sad" - but I looked for one that said "defeated" - it wasn't there.

[Yoda]

Can you not move to a different place?

Sorry things are going badly for you at the moment. I hope things improve.

[ThatMan]

It's okay to vent. Everyone deserves to have someone there for support. Someone that treats you, "Normally." Anyone can understand how overwhelming your situation feels if even doctors haven't helped. However, you mentioned something that worries me, your marriage. One thing I've learned early on is that being forced to stay in a negative relationship because it feels like you have no other choice is often unhealthy or even abusive. I sincerely hope that isn't the case here and that whatever you two decide on that you'll be given a fresh new start. Please hang in there.

[Elana05]

Dear Cocoa58,

Tomorrow is another day. I truly hope you feel better. I am sending warm thoughts and wishes your way...

E

[cocoa58]

Thank you both - well, it takes money to move and I have to have a way of supporting myself - jobs are really hard to find right now. Moving someplace and then winding up alone and/or homeless is not a very good idea, I don't think.

I am also afraid to be on my own - very much so.

But thank you both for kind words - they do help.

[Princess_Obsidian]

Greetings,

There are many resources(on/offline), which may be able to assist you physically, mentally, financially, and emotionally. Especially if you are afraid to step out on your own. I hope you seek out your local help.

Have a good one.

[cocoa58]

Do you know how to begin to find those resources? I don't.

Originally Posted by Princess_Obsidian

Greetings,

There are many resources(on/offline), which may be able to assist you physically, mentally, financially, and emotionally. Especially if you are afraid to step out on your own. I hope you seek out your local help.

Have a good one.

[cocoa58]

It feels very abusive to me. But I am struggling with this idea, because when we originally went into counseling - he listened to the counselor, and things went so much better! I had great hopes.

But suddenly it all backfired - and I even feel he is either losing it - or he is trying to get me to divorce him, leave him or he's driving me away - or else he just wants me to give up. I can't make heads or tales of it. But I just know he did do better - "we" did better - but now????? What happened is what I don't know - maybe he just does not want me.

He twists my words - and I try to clarify and he twists them again. Maybe he hates me.

Maybe its time I find a plan - I don't know. Don't know where to start - but thank you for posting. Thank you for your support. It helps.

Originally Posted by ThatMan

It's okay to vent. Everyone deserves to have someone there for support. Someone that treats you, "Normally." Anyone can understand how overwhelming your situation feels if even doctors haven't helped. However, you mentioned something that worries me, your marriage. One thing I've learned early on is that being forced to stay in a negative relationship because it feels like you have no other choice is often unhealthy or even abusive. I sincerely hope that isn't the case here and that whatever you two decide on that you'll be given a fresh new start. Please hang in there.

[cocoa58]

If he didn't want me - couldn't he just say so? Why put me through so much pain to drive me away?

Originally Posted by cocoa58

It feels very abusive to me. But I am struggling with this idea, because when we originally went into counseling - he listened to the counselor, and things went so much better! I had great hopes.

But suddenly it all backfired - and I even feel he is either losing it - or he is trying to get me to divorce him, leave him or he's driving me away - or else he just wants me to give up. I can't make heads or tales of it. But I just know he did do better - "we" did better - but now????? What happened is what I don't know - maybe he just does not want me.

He twists my words - and I try to clarify and he twists them again. Maybe he hates me.

Maybe its time I find a plan - I don't know. Don't know where to start - but thank you for posting. Thank you for your support. It helps.

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by cocoa58

Then I came to CO and was almost immediately treated like something was wrong with me - I've fought this. In having to fight for myself, now I'm angry.
Dr's don't work out for me here - therapists have not yet worked out for me here and I've tried several (male and female); friends sure haven't worked out and generally use me badly; jobs have not worked out (although I had a decent job in MN where I was treated well).

Can you analyze why this might be so? What is it about Colorado, or the part of it where you are, that seems to be different?

[Perna]

I think everything can seem so much harder when we're having difficulties with our significant other. My husband and I are having some heavy duty money discussions and they are wearing on me as we don't agree with what is going on, he said yesterday he doesn't think we are communicating well. I've noticed a huge increase in my ability to "keep trying". So, I'm falling back and regrouping within myself; finding what I like, want, and can do for me. Shifting my focus slightly from what's not working at the moment outside me, I can "control" what's going on inside, what I'm trying to accomplish there and work on my health and social skills, etc. from the inside where no one can abuse me (provided I don't abuse myself).

[lonegael]

(((((((((((cocoa)))))))))))Not sure what I can say. Maybe the lack of support is hurting hím, too.

[Princess_Obsidian]

Greetings,

Originally Posted by cocoa58

Do you know how to begin to find those resources? I don't.

Well, first, this website is one. Second, use a search engine, such as Google. Last, though, certainly not least, ask your treating physician to direct you to local resources in your area. In fact, he/she could probably refer you to a great psychologist, to which you could vent all you please to, not to mention, receive great coping strategies, as well as advice to your problem/s.

Have a good one.