[Xelora]

So I'm up late thinking on this and will take feedback

One of my very best friends has a gf who from my perspective has a huge temper over little things that I am always trying to step around. I've even tried to talk my friends who didn't get along with her into being agreeable for my friend's sake.

We've had problems where she called me names and I really just told her I didn't want to fight and my friend must have made her pretend nothing was wrong and I just went with it. Today she went off on me again. And just not in a way where I think she wants to resolve anything. She said basically that I'm an ugly ***** who can't get anyone (um I have someone) and to go bleep myself and a lot of things I just didn't even know how to respond to. (And yes, we're both grown women :P)

So how far would you go to keep the peace with someone's partner for the sake of your friendship? I've just tried to ignore or smooth it over in the past, but I feel like nothing I could do would have been good enough and there's a point where I felt I would just be debasing myself to keep smoothing away her insults. I'm debating with myself how much of the high road I should have to take after awhile.

I just find conflict really hard and have some hot buttons about appeasing people i think are bullies. And um self-confidence issues so I was all wincing to myself about how I know am ugly while at the same time thinking wow she went there. :P

I think basically she's jealous about how much time I spend with my friend, and we're both taking things in a really defensive way. But I don't know how possible it is to get out of this and I don't think I will be helping my self esteem to apologize to her when I already held back from insulting her in the ways she did me.

Ugg tired ramble. I will miss my friend if this means I can't hang out with her, but meh what do I do?

[lynn P.]

Sorry you're going through this ((Xelora)). Is your friend a man or woman? First I don't think you should apologize to her - if anything she should. I think you should stick up for yourself and your friend should also set the GF straight, that she shouldn't diss you. Your friend should be saying something to the GF.

I agree it sounds like she's jealous and feels threatened. She needs to deal with her own insecurities. Your friend needs to tell the GF to back off and not interfere in your friendship. She needs to be civil and learn tolerance.

[Xelora]

Sorry we're all girls.

I'm just kind of sad and worried for more friend, though I don't think she's in real danger.

i don't think you should apologize from what you've said in your post. if anything, someone like this will respect you more if you stand up to them but it doesn't have to be done in a rude way. i also think your friend should talk to her gf. i'd let her know that her gf's behavior is unacceptable and that you'd prefer to just hang out with her alone from now on.

[Xelora]

Update:

Well my friend is still hanging out and talking to me (which I am so relieved about but I had sort of reached the point where I was thinking if she stops talking to me, it's still not worth constantly letting her gf insult me and trying to appease her).

The name calling gf is avoiding me, which, I don't know if she thinks she's punishing me or just can't stand to be around me. But either way, it's a sweet deal for me because generally I would have been dodging insults and trying to play nice.

I'm kinda nervous she will see things aren't going how she hoped and step up her game somehow, but I want to stop being nervous all the time too :P