[Moreta]

So I'm having a problem with my husband where he wants to be included in everything I do. I mean everything. Its about to drive me crazy. He's mad that I have friends he doesn't know, nor do I want him to know b/c they're my frakin friends first off, secondly they're MY FRIENDS!!! I might just be reading into it too much, but I do enjoy my privacy and to me it feels like he is either trying to be controlling or that he is so insecure with himself he doesn't trust me to have my own friends. Either way I don't like him bothering my friends. I don't bother his friends so I really don't see why he feels the need to bother mine.
I know that he is concerned about me, but still, I really don't want to spend all of my time with him, which is apparently what he thinks I should be doing now. Its really getting on my nerves that NOW he is making an effort to work on things, but when I've tried to work on things in the past I'd hardly even get noticed. His response to that was that he didn't know the extent of my mental issues.

I'm really trying hard to understand where he is coming from but I wish he would understand that changes don't happen over night like he wants them too. Which I have told him many times....

[lotusflames]

hmmm

firstly, i'm not sure how your "Mental issues" should affect his effort in the relationship! It sure does sound like he's working overtime to try and spend time with you.

have you tried talking to him?

I know just how annoying it can be. i've spent 12 months with my hubby around all the time and OMG it's annoying/. now he's gone all buyt weekends and i hate it. guess you can't win

[eskielover]

Why in the world did you get married to him in the first place?????

Marriage isn't about living a separate life. I agree, it's not about spending all your time with him, but to be quite honest, your marriage doesn't sound like you have much love (& I don't mean just sex) for your husband. It doesn't sound like you respect him either. I know for me, I didn't respect my husband before we got married & 33 years later, I realized there was never any love for him either.

If you truly have a good marriage, neither friends on either side should take priority over your marriage relationship if you really want to have a good marriage. A real good marriage isn't just about coexisting together......I can say that from first hand experience because that was all my marriage was about....from there it goes into being nothing but a business partnership & down hill from there.

To be honest, it sounds like you really need a good marriage counselor....one that can be a good facilitator between you so you can talk through & start to really understand where each other's thoughts are coming from. Too many times we assume the other persons feelings that are causing them to act the way they are acting when in reality, it's not what they are thinking at all. Much better to have a neutral party (counselor) to work through all these issues you have talked about here.

Hoping you can work through this......for it's NORMAL for a husband to want to be included in your life....it's also NORMAL for a wife to want to be included in her husband's life.....sounds like there is a lot missing in your marriage.....opinion based on personal experience & personal mistake of really should have NOT gotten married to the person I married, but spend 33 years tolerating each other from a distance.....definitely NOT a FULFILLING marriage

[momoko]

I know how it feels on both ends and neither is fun. I will say that maybe he truly didn't realize that he might be able to positively contribute to helping you with your mental issues and is now going overboard because he feels bad for not trying sooner.
Another thing might be he just likes you and wants to be a part of your life. I've had periods where I feel alone or sad when my boyfriend isn't around because he's meeting with people I don't know or experiencing things I don't get to see. It's not really a jealousy or self-esteem issue but more just a desire to be connected to a person that's not there. It can feel terrible on both sides and it's best to talk about it if he is willing to.

[stargazer182]

I'm going through a similar situation like yours and I understand how you feel. Maybe you should sit and have a serious talk with your husband about the issue and try to reach an agreement.
If you don't take a measure right away you could end up like me: Without friends, without self-esteem, without goals.

Please don't let that happen to you...
I support you.
Hugs