why has to be this much difficult?

I know I've been ranting so much....but my question is why it is this much complicated to find that special person? It' s been a while that I'm not on the online dating or not searching for the partner.....because I find out I don't have the luck.....the one that I was interested left for a job to UK...plus there is no grantee with him as I can see him still online....I feel so lonely and not sure what to do......I want to have baby and I am running out of time as I am 37 and single .....frankly I'm losing my hope of finding a guy......any advice?

Hi Marjan - what I'm about to say isn't a popular opinion(may get boos) and it may not be an option for you at all. If I was in your shoes had financial stability, but didn't have any luck with finding a stable partner - I would go ahead and have a baby. It's really no different than being like many single mothers out there or a woman who ends up pregnant after a one time encounter. To me it's not fair a woman should be motherless just because she hasn't found a partner. Have you tried legitimate dating sites where they match people based on their traits and goals?

Thanks lynn for your suggestion....Actually, I thought about that, but I'm afraid that I'm not ready to handle a baby all by myself....
I can't stop thinking about a baby....I wake up with anxiety thinking that if it's possible for me to have a baby....then any baby I see on the road, I want to hug....and I feel sad that I don't have one....It feels like a little girl that cries for a doll....

I tried match.com and plentyoffish.com....I met a good guy on match, and a very bad guy on plentyoffish.com....the good guy after three times seeing him find a job in UK, he tells me that he will be back within a year, but he doesn't give me any promises at all....and I can see him getting online too....He was just here for a weekend and we had one great evening together....but as my time is running, I can't open up my heart and my hope for him....I didn't let to have sex with him, because I know the connection that brings for me....I don't need that at all....I feel more on control when there is no sex, specially at this begining with a long distance romance.....plus him being on the online dating site yet!!!! (I can't blame him, there is no commitment between us)
The bad guy turned me off so much, I just met him once and he got so obsess with me and then when he found out I'm not going out with him, he sent me his naked pic and text me bad words....naming me bad stuff...Unbelievable, I went out with him just once, just for couple of hours...and I didn't kiss or anything....It was so scary for me....I deleted myself from that site, plentyoffish.com and I hide my profile from match....I know eharmony has better privacy and it's more expensive...but still not sure if I'm brave enough to get on that?
thanks again for reading my rants.....I'm okay in general, but feeling lonely hurts...
Marjan

One way to prevent loneliness is to make friends and friendship often leads to a relationship. I'd suggest being active with your current friends or in the community in order to meet new people, you never know who is just around the corner. And be patient--even if you meet that "special" person it could be several years before you're both ready to settle down. If having a child is something that's urgent to you just be sure you start working on a relationship with someone who also wants to settle down and have children--don't waste your time if you know someone isn't interested in becoming serious just because you feel lonely.
Loneliness and wanting things like children can be hard, but I'm sure there are numerous people who want companionship the same way and just as much as you who are having trouble meeting someone.
Good luck

Very good advice Momoko. I was also thinking maybe you could volunteer for an agency involved with children - at least you could share the love you have in your heart with children who desperately need it - you might meet someone.

I know most dating ads would discourage revealing you want children, but I wonder if you were to be honest and say you're looking for a long term relationship and want to have children - would there be guys who also want children too? I could be way off since I'm not familiar with the dating scene.

Marjan, are you only wanting a man to have a baby with? I've had problems my whole life trying to meet men, I've done those dating sites and it just hasn't brought me any luck unfortunately. I'm not saying it can't work for someone else, just not my thing really. I'm 38, and I know how you feel about being single at that age. It is almost like a second job to search for someone. As far as running out of time, you sound like you're putting yourself on a timeline to have a child. I've been divorced for almost 4 years now, and I'm looking for someone also, but I do not want children, so it's a little different than what you want. I don't know, or call me old-fashioned, but dating is just so overrated to me. I don't like the idea of "dating". I guess I feel that way because I am more old-fashioned in my ways. It's easier to me if you've known someone for several years, then you can skip the "dating" part and just be together. Just my theory, good luck though.

well...I don't want a man just to make baby with...I want the whole relationship as well....I can postpone a relationship, but I can't postpone the fact that I'm getting older....
I think for online dating, one has to have that personality to search into those profiles and be paitent and have fun....otherwise, it's just a pain....
I wish I was at school again....that's the best place to make friends....most of my good friends are from school, college and university.....wish I knew better what to do.....
thanks again
M

(((marjan)))

Look at all the people that are having children well into their mid 40's. That means you have a good 10 years left. yes it maybe be harder to conceive but it is still possible.

What a bout doing a short course in something (sort of going back to school!).. I do think you would be well suited to photography or something similar

ya, I'm thinking about a little bit of life change....I think I want to give meaning to my life, probably having kids bring that feelings to me....but I'm sure there are other ways too....
I filled up the Application form for a volunteer job....they will do background check and reference check then they will assign me to a child to be her best friend, like a sister or mother....Hope they accept me....
and Photography is a good suggestion....I love painting too...I'm going to find a class for painting....

You go for it girl

I agree with you Marjan, Why does it have to be so difficult to find a partner for life.

I just know one thing....It's so good to have inner peace and let things go....

I have a wonderful and loving boyfriend? I'd lose my mind if some bimbo stole him from me too!! I don't take bs anymore from anyone ever again and? I'm fricking serious as well and he knows that also. I'm sick and tired of the drama and even the chaos that goes along with it?! I hate nosy people and my boyfriend knows how. I get with anyone and everyone these are like him and. I for a little while but then we're getting along again with each other and making up.
I did find him first though and dammit no one isn't taking him from me either? Grrr! I am keeping him and hes keeping me too!! I mean every word that leaves my mouth?? I have been quiet way too long so now. I'll be heard to everyone now in here.

sorry....I did not understand you at all....happy for you that you have some body, but what is the actual problem if there is any?

Perhaps saving up money to freeze your eggs is an option while you find that special someone? I know this is cliche, but usually you don't find love, love finds you. I know that's true for my current boyfriend and I. Good luck.

Dearest Marjan

How painful it seems for you this subject. But I see for you a love that will last because of the ways you have been treated. You are someone who will very much love the one when you find him because you will appreciate him, and he will appreciate you

Please dear one do not be in a rush, because all things in the universe work on the power and energy of the universe and within the time of the universe not the time of the human made measuring candle

You will find the right one at the right moment, and we will then happily read of your love and of the way it feels for you to have the one with you. I look forward to reading that and writing a message of my happiness for you

Morgana

Thanks LabLover....you know what....you triggered a good point here...my cousin kept telling me too, but I kinda forgot all about it....now, I think I'm considering it....I'm going to get appointment with my doctor and see how it works....
and I do agree with you that "Love Finds you"....that's so true....

Thanks Rhiannonsmoon.....actually this is not that painful anymore....there are ways around it....and I think I'm going for the egg freeze....hope that doesn't cost me a fortune....but at least it will give me some peace of mind....
Actually, these days I'm doing very okay....I'm meditating a lot and reading lots of Buddhism books....and trying to keep my life in balance and harmony....I go to gym....and I keep focusing on the present moment....mindfulness....I'm keeping a peace in my heart....It's wonderful feeling....
what I just learned in the Buddhism class is that anything and anyone who is giving you tension and stress is a source of delusion and you got to postpone doing that or not think about it....that's so true....before, I was always not sure if I should email the guy or not or if I should go there or not....but now, I just think about it if it gives me stress and tension or not....If I feel relax then I do it....
thanks again guys
Marjan

Mostly, I get disappointed when I see other people can successfully find dates and I can't. Why can some people find a date, and others have such a hard time? It's not fair sometimes.

Marjan i'm sorry about what's happening to you. Same problem i also have. You have a friend here.

Finding a date is not a problem....finding somebody that I like and is compatible with me is not easy.....

Well, I just have trouble finding a date, period.

sorry to hear that, but probably you have just high standards and that's why you can't find a date....I'm sure you don't want to go out with any guy who is out there....do you?

What do yo do to have a date? Do you go out? Do you have friends? Online dating sites?

And trust me, you don't miss anything by not dating....hehehe....

Marjan,

Actually, I do not have high standards at all when it comes to men. I don't have alot of friends in my area. I don't think it's all my fault. I live near college, so it's mainly bombarded with college kids, so not good for me. I've tried online dating sites for years, and i've had no luck. Men in other states, not looking for anything serious, not liking the way I look to "them". So many things. Who's picky now Marjan? I don't judge anyone. Anyone that is genuine, caring, then that's all that really matters to me.

(((deborah35)))

Genuine and caring... that's the qualities that i find it hardest of all to find.