i'm mean

why am i so mean to the people I care about the most.

For me it's because it's easier to lash out at the people that are close to you... in hope that they will take it and forgive you x

You might want to try yoga or meditation to help relax yoursel. Or maybe talk to someone(possibly a therapist or maybe just a close friend) You don't want to be that lperson who takes their frustrations out on their loved ones. That'a not ok.

The People who you care about most , Will forgive you because they love you , Your not a mean person, Sometime people do or act one way when there not sure why or cannot help but Your loved ones know you love them ad its not intentional , they love you too.

Dear Volatile

It is true that people lash out at those they love, but that is only until they have learned how to love the right way instead of the wrong way, or if they have salved the anger within them and no longer need to give it vent

In truth there is no anger in love, so it is important to find out where the anger initiates itself, where it catapults itself from and lodges itself to

Just as we have found that there are triggers in other things like laughter, tears, fear, there are the same triggers in anger, things that people react to

With anger we are reacting to something that is old. For instance when Rhiannon used to react to her partner looking at another woman she wasn't in fact reacting to him looking, because she knew that was normal, so it would confuse her and she would cry with frustration

Rhiannon took herself on what is called a step back and viewed it as a bystander. She saw that she was reacting to the way her ex-husbands ogling and ongoing affairs made her feel and expected that because he was that way her partner would be the same way and so she would get upset and prepare to leave

After the stepback journey she understood it all and the fear left her and took the anger with it. So dear volatile at each step of anger that you lash with, before you let loose an arrow think quickly to yourself and ask "now where did that come from?"

Children who are brought up with anger rarely know anything else and so they let it have its head. Those who are quick to anger but do not understand why have their own work cut out for them and must follow each trail back to its origin in order to see what that trigger is

I truly hope that you can take a step back and see where your anger comes from so that you realise you no longer have to use it. What you expect is not always what will happen, so please do not jump to it because it hurts you

Morgana

Mean or angry? I know that when I am angry and lash out at my loved ones, it is usually because deep down inside, I am frightened. I have figured out that when I behave in this manner it is usually because I don't want to be or feel vulnerable. My family is now aware that my behavior usually has nothing to do with them. They have received counseling to immediately disengage from any further dialogue with me should I begin to exhibit behaviors that are quite simply uncalled for.

My part of the deal means that I need to respect when my family calls a "time out" and immediately cease any more berating, name-calling, sarcasm, not listening, etc. Having a time out allows me to collect my thoughts, get to the "feeling" and formulate a healthy "I" statement. It's really hard work, because certain behaviors have become almost automatic.

Feeling badly about behaving badly is a good sign! It means that you are aware that you could use some tools in your toolbox! What tool do you think you might need in order to stop feeling like you are being mean? What can you do next time when you feel like things are heating up and your buttons are being pushed?

I see a lot of promise ahead! Keep asking questions and exploring this issue. I think its just a case of grabbing for the first tool in your box without considering that you may not need a hammer for this particular job. Hugs, Laurie

When I was really mean to people it was because I wasn't really happy with myself. I had been jumping from boyfriend to boyfriend and felt like I couldn't be comfortable with myself. I had to take a while to myself and learn what it was that I was unhappy with. I had to change a lot of things about myself before I could be happy with anyone else. A lot of introspection allowed me to be accepting of others and not so mean anymore. In fact, once I was single for a while and went off to New York for a few months and did some real learning about myself, my friends told me that there was an obvious difference. I was told I seemed like a genuinely happier person.

If this is the case with you, maybe you are trying to push people away because you don't feel you deserve their friendship or love. My feelings came from an abusive relationship leaving me feeling like I didn't deserve happiness or love. And once I realized that I do deserve those things, it was like a huge cloud was lifted.