[Junerain]

I HAVE been asking him to leave he's been ignoring my requests,,he is sooo non-communicative, every question I ask......silence...I have to literally scream 'give me an answer!!' before he will answer any question.....just focuses on details, not deep and meaningful things like I like to discuss...we are on different wavelengths............help...

Good luck, Junerain.

[Miracle1986]

(((June)))
Thinking about you

[lynn P.]

I'm confused - do you want to break up with your boyfriend?

[Junerain]

yes I do. There is a warrant out for his arrest, he was falsely accused of attacking his ex-wife's daughter from a previous marriage, when she attacked him. Then his lawyer went into the hospital, then he missed a court date because he was depending on his lawyer to inform him of his court date, now there is a warrant for his arrest..this is dragging me down, obviously...he refuses to leave just sits there everytime I ask him to leave..I am not ready to involve the police, I care about him....

[lynn P.]

((Junerain)) - I'm sorry ths is happening. Whenever I hear about a big fight that happens from past relationships - remember you're hearing his side only. If he participated in a fight where the police were called - it sounds like he might have a nasty side.

I think you're right in asking him to leave, while this is sorted out - you can still be friends. If I were you - I would talk to his ex and learn more about him. This is way too much drama for you.

[BAPearl]

Hi (((Junerain))),

If your boyfriend will not respond to you when you ask him to leave verbally, perhaps the couples counselling you are attending on Friday will be effective. It seems your boyfriend is closing out what he does not want to hear and deal with. One thing that comes to mind for me is the importance of your safety in this - that you ensure that you are safe when it is clear to your boyfriend that he is going to have to leave. Do you have a friend or relative who can be present to support you to help this take place? You are in my thoughts, Junerain.

With care and hugs,

BAPearl

[Naturefreak]

dear Junerain

I only wish the best for you ..... as I do all my friends

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Dear Junerain,

Even if his lawyer had gone into hsopital there are other lawyers to step up and handle the cases. He should have been there the first time to dear the court date himself; there's no reason for not turning up.

It is your bf's responsibility to call either his lawyer or the court to find out when the matter is set down for hearing. So I would not be too quick to believe what he is saying. And if he pretends not to hear you then he doesn't have to move out does he? No wonder he isn't responding.

I really feel for you being in such an akward situation, it can't be good for you and it surely can't be pleasant for you. There are a couple of people on here who've ended up packing the guys stuff and putting it outside the door.

Take it into your own hands and write a letter of eviction giving him X amount of days to remove himself and his belongings out of the house. If he ignores you, you call the police. It isn't your problem if he is on some other charge, if there was any doubt the DA would not have pressed charges, but let him face a court of law and let that decide,

Wishing you the best,
Rhiannon

[sunsetsunrise]

Hi Junerain. Are you positive he is innocent of the charges? Sounds like you are a very loyal and caring responsible person. I hope you will find a way to take good care of you by getting him safely removed one way or the other. Because you deserve a healthy living enviornment.

[Junerain]

I found out what he had been hiding from me...the court dates were for his second DWI charge! Not sure what's the truth anymore...if the $5,000 bail has something to do with missing a court date, or if he was found guilty, and that's why he is in jail now. That's right he is in jail now, I visited him last night, he was quite depressed, obviously. Orange didn't look good on him. I feel like _I_ am in jail...although I do want to show him I still care about him..which, I do, no matter how I try to counteract the feelings I still have for him. (The story about being attacked was to cover for all the court dates) Everyone that meets him loves him, he is getting his master's (was) he can be quite loving. I think I will research a support group for other women going through the same thing. Thank you PC for being there for me....I know you are....

[Perna]

Well, he's certainly left now! What was your plan for after he left (or did you not really believe he ever would?).

We all have all those things in us (can be loving or hurtful, even to the same person!) but it sounds like being in a relationship with him now is not good for either of you. Let him do his jail time, work on his own showing up/not getting DWI's, etc. Sounds like he has to learn to care about himself before your caring will register properly.

[Junerain]

I cannot walk away from someone I love so dearly, not at a time like this. We all make mistakes, some are just bigger than others. He still deserves my love, I know now I suspected something like this..but now that it is finally in the open..my feelings for him have only deepened, I see and feel how much I want to support him at a time like this.

[lynn P.]

I hope the court will make him get into mandatory counselling like AA. This explains why you had to drive him every where. Hugs to you during this difficult time ((Junerain)).

[eskielover]

(((((Junerain))))),

You can not have a reasonable relationship with someone who is not truthful with you. You can not have a loving relationship with someone who is not completely OPEN with you......there is no relationship, it's only a one sided love affair on your side.

Yes, most people have a nice side when they are getting something out of someone they want. The thing is that you can't base a relationship on someone just beine NICE. You have to have a real relationship & you can't have a true relationship with someone who won't listen to you, someone who isn't open & honest with you who keeps secrets & unsaid things to keep you in the dark about what's going on in their life.

Just wondering if your girlfriends that you have are offering any advice? They seem to have been girls who held the same beliefs that you had.....I don't think that the situation that you are in is compatible with the beliefs you were talking about having. I think that you need to get back in touch with your beliefs & make sure that your life is walking in that path.

Personally, I think it would be best if you would just completely break off the relationship....you were wanting to before he landed in jail....now your sympathies are getting in the way of your logic & your real beliefs.....don't let your mind trick you like that.

You can like a nice person, but you can't build a loving relationship of the way this relationship has been......it's just your mind wanting to make it something that it isn't. Better to drop this relationship now while he's in jail. Let the red flags fly when there are too many unknown things going on in a situation let alone a relationship.

There are more men out there who can provide a loving, truthful, & faithful relationship that don't carry old baggage & deception along with them. Like isn't a soap opera & we don't need the drama to keep going. That isn't what God wants for our lives & it shouldn't be what we want for our own lives.

I found that I am better off without anyone than someone who lies by omission or even tells me things to make himself look good.....you also need to realize that you do not need Someone to make your life valuable & there are definitely times when you are better off alone than in a relationship like this.

Be honest with yourself & don't let your mind & heart deceive you

Debbie