[boodles]

I have been estranged from my family since July. This is heartbreaking for me and I have been trying to find coping mechanisms to deal with the pain.

I wrote a letter to my father and he contacted me. My friend knew I had written to him, knows about the family issues and my pain. She knew my father and I were playing tag with messages but planning to meet. She knew the subjects that would probably be discussed. She knew is was a huge deal to me and that I was terrified.

I got a call from her this morning. She asked me if I wanted to go see a movie, a comedy we had discussed seeing when it got released into the theaters.

She didn't know that I connected with my father and saw him yesterday. I said I wasn't up for a comedy today because it would be a waste of an opportunity to laugh because of how I was feeling. She kept saying "come on" and finally I said "I saw Dad yesterday and am very down. It would be a waste for me to see a comedy today."

She continued to say "oh come on, it will make you feel better." This went on for a few iterations, and I was starting to get pissed off. Finally, I told her no.

What is so hurtful is that she never said "oh, how did it go?" or "what did he say?" or "what happened?" Nor did she ask if I wanted to talk about it. Nothing. She just wanted to see the movie. She didn't even acknowledge me.

It would be analogous to waiting for a diagnosis for a disease and your friend not asking what the outcome was. Or like meeting a private investigator who is going to let you know if your spouse is cheating on you and your friend not asking what happened (I know, that's a weird analogy).

Frankly, I think she's angry that I wouldn't go to the movie with her.

We have been "friends" for 15 years, but I have never met one member of her family. She has met and been included in my family gatherings.

I just can't believe she didn't even ask me how it went or whether I was ok or anything.

On top of the meeting with my father yesterday, which was extremely painful and for which I cannot bear nor can I figure out a way to resolve, my friend just disses me. I know this sounds so trivial and it is compared to my family situation. But I needed to write it down and share with someone.

[bridgie]

perhaps getting together would have been her opportunity to talk to you about how you are and how things went with your father. and yes she probably felt a little hurt that you didnt want to go. sounds as though that was her way of trying to help, perhaps going and watching a silly movie with a good friend would have helped. take your mind off of things and be able to talk to a good friend. she probably feels just as dissed. and for having a friend for 15 years isnt something i would give up too easily.