Breaking up , for the right reasons?

Last night I broke up with my live in boyfriend of 11 months. I didn't intend it to go that way. I had went home to see my family and to get away from everything for the weekend thinking that i was going to have a clear mind when I came back to talk to him. We have been arguing a lot and basically hurting each other over and over again. We've gone to two therapy sessions but I dont believe it was helping in any way or maybe we were just on the verge of breaking up any way. I asked him last night if he had any hope and if he still wants to try. He told me no, so with that being said I decided to end the relationship basically I felt like I was doing him a favor.

We were very different we didn't have a lot in common but maybe a few things. His views on things were very different from mine. He is very uptight and I am really laid back. My culture is Chinese and I think he was getting a bit more uptight with my family every time i talked about them. And maybe he was not able to accept them.

What really did it for me:
My father left us when I was younger, then he reappeared into my life not too long ago. I decided to forgive him because he was really trying. Recently my father had came to visit and stayed with use for a few days before heading back to Hong Kong. He didn't call which was odd to me and I was a bit hurt but I am used to it. My boyfriend tells me that he is not welcomed in our home anymore and that he feels my father is a stranger and does not want anything to do with him. He started talking about that my father might be with the secret services and that he is a spy. I thought that was just plain silly and i didn't think he was serious but he was. The truth is , I was just hurt by what he said and he said he has said other things about my family before that has hurt me. I am not sure if I want to be with someone that will have issues with my family. He seems to have a lot of issues with a lot of things and I am realizing that we are just too different to be together. I am not as hurt and torn as I thought I would be he was the one that ws having a hard time. I am just trying to figure out if I had made the right decision of leaving him and hoping I'll find someone again.

Just how do you know if a person is the right one? Because I pretty sure that he was the one.

((Missquestions)) - I think you definitely made the right decision and you sound very mature. I'm impressed the way you looked at this logically and you're not all broken up about it. I agree he has no business telling you bad things about your father or telling you he's not welcome in your home.

I'm confused by this statement though - do you mean at first you thought he was the right one? I think you know it's the right one, when you share similar interests and the same values. You have high regards for your family, so your partner would need to value this too, which he obviously didn't. You did the right thing and you seem like you know what's in your best interests - I suspect you'll find someone special one day.

Hi Lynn,

Thank you that was very comforting. He wasn't able to provide the emotional support that I needed. He told me that it was hard for him as a person to give me what I need from him. At times when I vent, he will put his two cents. All I wanted was for someone to vent to and that person to listen and give me some emotion support (ie. a hug) which he can't and it's hard for me to have someone I love not give me that.

We had some good times but the bad times was just over powering. I just hope I made the right decision.

Sorry I was a bit confusing in that last statement but yes, I thought he was the one.

Sometimes it takes a while before we realize who a person is. Not welcoming your father and respecting your wishes would be a deal breaker for me too. Very smart for you to way the pros and cons. I think you're right in making this decision.

Your right and that we moved in pretty soon after we met. I told myself not to but I wouldn't have my self in that situation again and look what happened? This time I seriouslly do not want to move in with anyone until I am married to them and get to know them for a really long time.

Hello, Missquestions. There will be some grieving. May you soon find peace.

Good for you Missquestions.....I'm so impressed too...you made a right decision with rational thoughts....I wish most of us could have been made up our mind and chosen a right decision like you.....
When there are so many argument in a relationship, that's the time to say good bye....besides, what's the point of being in a relationship when the guy doesn't communicate and doesn't want to understand us.....
don't even hesitate in your decision.....once you meet that special person, you will think back of this day and be happy for your break ups....
However, I kinda not agree with you of getting married and then move in together....there is no difference really....if the person is not a right one, he will be not good in any situation, marriage or boyfriend or whatever.....and the ugly truth is that you can't really know the person till living together....
take care of yourself....
marjan