[acrazynao]

so i've asked for a divorce. my husband says he wants to try a separation. i don't see the point. i think it will just prolong things and make matters worse. if we are separated i would want him to go and date so that he might separate better from me. i care for him but i have spent 8 years acting more like a mother than a wife and i cannot do it forever. there are times i think a separation might work, but it makes me less sure of the divorce. when i had someone i wanted to be with after the divorce it was easier. now that i realize he is just as emotionally unavailable as my soontobe ex husband. it makes it harder to jump out into the world alone.

[jenkins09]

Sorry you find yourself in this situation. Have you tried aggressive marriage counseling? have you addressed the reason why you choose emotionally unavailable men? were either of your parents this way? It seems you have invested a lot of time in this relationship, are you both committed to attempting counseling?

[Rhiannonsmoon]

I think the most important thing is to understand that you don't need a man to be ok good & fine. You may be very much happier alone than if in a relationship? But leaving one man for another will cause you stress and worry about the decision.

The major key is that this other guy became unavailable when you said you wanted to be with him. This kind of man you can never rely on, and I would say the same about a woman too so I'm not man bashing at all.

I really hope that things smooth out for you and that you make the decision based on what is best and right for you.

[acrazynao]

we have been doing counseling, if not aggressive. we are going to continue it through the divorce process to help us through with some semblance of a friendship/relationship intact.
yes most of my family has been/and will always continue to be emotionally unavailable. i am seeing my own t working on those issues.
the other guy did not become unavailable when i said i wanted to be with him, he is still not over his ex-love who recently got married and i said i would not be with him until he resolved those issues.
i think you are right that i will be happier and better able to figure out what i need from life on my own. i just find it hard to trust in myself. i have been battling depression both bc of my inner demons and those that have joined me from my soon-ex.

[LookingforCalm]

I went through the same thing. I went to another man because my marriage was over, and I was terrified of being alone. Well, that worked out like a tub of poo on a rainy day, and found myself back at square one about a year ago.

But that's when I realized that as lonely as I was, I was even lonelier working on yet another relationship that was failing. I was choosing the same person over and over, and I knew I had to stop.

So I've been alone. Dated, but been alone. I will NEVER allow myself to settle again. Life it way too short to be unhappy. Dating someone now, and I don't know where it will go - but that's OK too. He's not the source of my happiness - I am.

The hardest part of being with anyone is realizing that you can't change them. Family, friends, relationships - it's all the same! You can't and never will be able to change them.

You will be happier when you find out there is more to life than being with someone. You also really figure out what you want in yourself and others when you actually have time to reflect. And that takes being alone to figure those things out. It can suck sometimes, but it does help.