[Jenn1fer82]

My bf is divorced with 4 young kids. Its been one hell of a custody battle. It worries me how he makes his choices bc I dont agree with them. Sometimes I feel he throws his hands up and would rather walk away but I argue with him and tell him to keep fighting no matter how ugly it can get because they are your kids. I think I convince him to do the things I want him to do because that is something I want in a man. I dont want to face that maybe he would rather let his kids go even though it hurts him but the battle between his ex is breaking him down. Society paints the picture of a father that walks away as a coward and selfish and I dont want to have that in my life. He is a wonderful man but I dont know what he really wants to do when it comes to his family. He almost signed his rights away but I got an attorney for him to make things easier to fight for his kids. His ex lives by the system, she knows the system inside and out and she's a smart lady. She will do anything to get as much money, to avoid working for herself and fiance and live off of my bf. My bf is angry very angry and he would rather not deal with the woman anymore and I think that anger has gotten in the way of his relationship with his kids. He loves his kids but that anger is so so powerful and the resentment breaks him down.

I dont know if I could accept him not having a relatinship with his kids. He has so many visitations with his kids and the only way he was going to see them is if he pays for everything because the ex won't pitch in a dime. By court order every cost should be split in half. Foolishly he signed the contract and now he's obligated to pay for everything and the cost is making him think twice to even see his kids. He pays $1000 a month for child support, medical cost and then for each visit is $60 and he has two visit a week, its $120 a week. The ex is so good at her games and mind control and find every way to make things go her way. I dont know how to help him. I dont know how to cope. I dont know which way to turn. I dont know whats my place in this relationship.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

I don't think a man would walk away without knowing what he is doing and why. And To say a man is a coward is pretty harsh really; if you don't know his thinking or his story a little understanding might be better?

He should take the contract back to court to have it changed if it is too hard on him and by the sounds of it, it is. Forget the ex and focus on your bf and what he really wants; maybe in his mind he just wants peace and feels he's being attacked from all angles.

I really wish you the best

[Leed]

Hi ~

He DOES have to think about those kids, because kids growing up without a father has a HUGE affect on them. My granddaughter is going thru that right now ~ her father isn't paying a dime for her and isn't seeing her at all, but yet he ADOPTED one of his step kids. I'm sure you can see how that affects my granddaughter!!

Those 4 kids have GOT to know that Dad loves him, and thank you for making sure he does the right thing!!! Too many kids are slipping thru the system, and are being ignored by their parents. This can't happen. But you can encourage him to go back to court and have this "contract" changed, because this is just too harsh. He won't have anything left to live on if this keeps up. That ex wife is draining him monetarily AND mentally. Make him get this changed - maybe that will ease his mind some and he won't have to work as hard. He needs a little peace. God bless and thanks for thinking of those kids. You're a nice person. Hugs, Lee

[Jenn1fer82]

I know all he wants is some peace of mind and to finally move on in life already with his kids by his side. Do you have any advice for me who has never been through a situation like this before. He keeps telling me not to stress about but its hard not to when all the finances falls on me because child support is so overwhelming. He keeps telling me not to worry and stress about it and that he'll take care of things but its so hard to stand by and not put in my input. How do I relax at a time like this?

Originally Posted by Rhiannonsmoon

I don't think a man would walk away without knowing what he is doing and why. And To say a man is a coward is pretty harsh really; if you don't know his thinking or his story a little understanding might be better?

He should take the contract back to court to have it changed if it is too hard on him and by the sounds of it, it is. Forget the ex and focus on your bf and what he really wants; maybe in his mind he just wants peace and feels he's being attacked from all angles.

I really wish you the best

[bebop]

why does he have to pay her the 60 per visit along with child support? is their divorce final? be glad he is only paying 1000 a month for 4 small kids! child care alone is probably more than that.

I will tell you about my brothers situation many years ago that still affects the family. his ex would have him arrested every time he went to pick up his daughter. he stopped going to see her when she was about 8. she will be 37 in Feb. His other children knew nothing of her until recently. This very very sweet young lady hurts so bad even today. she can't understand all the reasons he stopped seeing her. The one thing I can tell you from this is to not let him stop his relationship with his children. the money stuff can be taken back to court. and for you hon....it takes alot of understanding in a relationship like this and if you don't feel like you can handle it it would be best to get out of it now. it will be like this until they are grown and he no longer has to pay it. in the end if you love him and the kids it is well worth the effort.

[PleaseHelp]

(((Jenn))) I can sort of relate to your situation. My bf has twin daughters, his ex is manipulative to say the least. Luckily the way the custody papers were written we do get to spend a somewhat decent amount of time with them. He pays child support and then for anything they may need when they are with us and so forth. I think you are doing a very admirable thing by helping your BF see that he needs to be in his kids' lives. Bebop is right if you don't think you can handle it, know it only gets harder. We've been together for 3 1/2 years and it just seems to be harder all the time. But we will keep fighting and we WILL be a part of those girls' lives and they will know who their dad is and how much he and I love them.

Hang in there. If you need to chat PM me.

[AAAAA]

Jenn you and I have discussed this issue at length and you know my opinions. I am so sorry that this is still an issue for you.

Keep in mind that this will continue to be an issue forever. Even after the kids turn 18 there are college, wedding... life expenses. BF made a choice to have four children, the consequences for that choice are lifelong for him. That ship has sailed and the end of the storm is no where in sight.

PLEASE!!!! I know that I've mentioned this to you before. I don't want to harp, but please, please, please keep all of this in mind if you decide to have a baby with him. The role of evil ex might be you in a few years.